Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Yo dog...a little pitchy, but you can sing!

Here it comes, song wenches, whether you like it or not…

Gina Glockson--Not bad, but there’s a lot of meat on that hoof…in a good way.
I like Heart.

Alaina Alexander-is she one of our peeps? Enough with the crying! Our people are strong…and she better be. She barely made it back this week, and after this, she may be on her way out. By the way, with that dress, one wrong move…there’ll be a full moon over the studio.

LeKeisha—It’s hard to follow up last week’s performance. This week, not as good, and Gladys Knight isn’t nearly as hard to do as Jennifer Holliday. I think Randy is sweet on her. But we’re in her corner. Rock on!!! I’m riding the LeKeisha train…Woo hoo.

Dr. Doolittle—“My Funny Valentine” was so two weeks ago…didn’t like this performance as much as I hoped. It was like she was talking to the animals…

Antonella—I think a career with Maxim or Playboy is more likely than with Idol…we’re all better for that.

Jordin—A little pitchy dog... But she hits some notes that indicate that she has the raw ability and power to take on any of the contenders…always like the little kids, except Chicken Little and Sanjaya (he scares me, in a Michael Jackson sort of way). She has the chops, and I hope she keeps going. Philippi Sparks, your girl can sing (I know he’s reading this)!

Stephanie—was she singing something different from the band and back-up singers? She is lost on me this week, but not lost on America. This remotely could be a farewell song. She can sing, but as Elayne put it—“what was she singing?” After hearing Simon and Paula, maybe I’m on “H”.

Leslie—Sterling is right-she’s a “two face.” One way, she’s hot, the other way, she’s a troglodytic half-wit. It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new location—back home. How did she make it this far? Out of her league.

Haley—Nice top. Did she sing?

Stephanie— She brought it, but I am with Simon. Looks good, close to the border with the big notes. Takes the LaKeisha gloves off, but that last note could scare starving dogs off a meat wagon.

The recap is always interesting—they only play the best moments from the performers.
Frankly, only the African-Americans can sing. Antonella is so out of her league. I am more likely to win than she is. I’m just what America needs: Ladies and Gentlemen, your next American Idol, George Costanza. Wooooooooo! Soul Patrol….

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