I'll meet you half-way, but better off no way

After a recent "meal" at The Half-Way Cafe, I felt compelled to write them.  I really have too much time on my hands, but I also appreciate their thoughtful response, posted below.

Dear Sir or Madam: 

I am writing about an utterly awful dining experience at your Marlborough location this past Saturday night. 

We were a party of 8 people, and we called ahead at 6:50pm to find out the length of the wait.  We were told “20 minutes” and also told that if we gave our names, they would put us down and hold the table for us, especially when we told them we would be there in 15 minutes.  We arrived as we said we would, and then we waited…and waited…and waited, until 7:55pm; in reality, that 20-minute wait was an hour and five minutes.  Not fun at all, especially with hungry teenagers.  We told the hostess that we could be split four and four, since the kids are teenagers, but she chose to seat other parties that arrived after us, and held us until the only large table was available. 

I wish I could say the meal got better once we were seated; unfortunately, that was not the case.  We started our meal with an order of onion rings and a double order of chicken wings…the “double order” of chicken wings was an embarrassment; these were pigmy wings, with almost no meat, fried to oblivion.  It was immediately apparent to the waitress, who must have been considering what she was going to say when she delivered them, because when she got to the table, before we could say anything, she was chagrined to the point of saying “I’m going to have the chef make you some more, because there aren’t very many”.  A few minutes later, the “manager” came out with a bread plate with four more tiny wings. He said he was bringing them out because the earlier order “was a little chintzy”.  The only expression that popped in to my head at that time was “why bother?”

Given all your marketing, and publicity, surrounding your steak tips, I ordered them, but ordered them plain because I did not want any of the sweet “Café” sauce.  The waitress asked if wanted the broccoli and mashed potatoes, and I told her I would take the broccoli, but would prefer a side of onion rings, and her only response was “fine” (important note for later).  My wife has several food allergies (dairy, peanuts and shellfish).  She identified these allergies to the waitress, who went and got the manager.  My wife wanted to order the chicken kabab salad, but the manager told my wife that the marinade has milk in it (ugh!), but that the chef could grill the chicken separately, put some olive oil on it, and maybe some spices…so far, it sounded ok to my wife. 

When the food was delivered, most came out correctly, except for mine…and my wife’s dinner was missing in action.  I was shocked at skimpy size of the steak tips.  I ordered the regular full-sized meal.  Your menu describes the dish as “our huge 10-oz size…”, but on the plate were 5 small “tips”, and they were smothered in pink “café” sauce.  In light of the manager’s acknowledgment about the pathetic portion of wings, I suggest that your kitchen in Marlborough does not know how to properly portion the meals, because this dish looked like the size of a kid’s order.  Of course, since they were smothered in sweet pink sauce, I sent them back.  At this point, my wife’s meal still had not arrived.

After my dish is taken away, the manager arrived with my wife’s salad.  The minute it hit the table, there was a collective “yuk” from all the adults.  Without a doubt, one of the most unappetizing meals we’ve ever seen anywhere.  We understand that allergies can be difficult to manage, but this salad bore no resemblance to what the manager had described as “grilled with some olive oil and spices”.  While he was standing there, we asked what happened to the salad, and he said “well, the chef just put the chicken and vegetables in a foil pouch and steamed it instead”.  Words cannot do justice to how awful this looked, and while my wife did take a bite of the chicken, she immediately told the manager to take it away…it was inedible. 

The manager apologized, and sent the waitress back with a menu, and offered to bring my wife something else.  My wife then ordered a hummus wrap with steamed broccoli. While this was going on, my measly steak tips came back, with nothing else…what happened to the broccoli?  Believe me, if the portion is going to be so small, serving it alone on a large dinner plate makes it look even more paltry.  Since everyone else was pretty much done eating at this point, when the waitress brought my broccoli, I gave it to my wife, so she could at least eat something.  The kitchen staff made the hummus wrap pretty quick and got it to our table…unfortunately too quick, because while it had the vegetables, they didn’t put any hummus in it!  Seriously?!  Can the kitchen staff do anything right?  My wife sent that back too, and that was the end of her dinner.  Great experience, eh?  Go out to dinner with friends and family, and watch everyone else eat.

Because it had taken so long, because the experience was so lacking, and because we had to retrieve another teenager elsewhere, I left my wife to resolve the bill, but we had quite a conversation when she got home.  After I left, I thought that the steak tip order was perhaps the “half-way” size, because it was anything but “huge”.  I texted my wife, and asked her to check with the waitress.  The bill showed “$13.99” for the tips, and the waitress told my wife that it was a full order.  Wow…Equally disturbing was that there was a charge on the check for $3.99 for the onion rings that were a side to the steak tips, so that stingy meal costs $17.98!  You think the waitress would have mentioned that you could not replace the mashed potatoes, but have to pay the full price for the onion rings as a side?  In that case, shouldn’t I have gotten my two sides with the steak tips, since I was paying full price for the rings?  This makes no sense.  I didn’t want the mashed potatoes, but would have gotten something else.  Instead of saying “fine” when I placed my order, at a minimum, she should have told me that you can’t substitute in the rings unless you pay for them, in which case perhaps I would have kept the broccoli but gotten some other side.  Maybe I would have also kept the order of onion rings, but at a minimum, that’s information the consumer deserves to know; nowhere was this mentioned on the menu.  Instead, I can’t help feeling more than a little ripped off by this meal given the small portion, a single side (broccoli that I gave to my wife since she had nothing else to eat) and the high price. 

While the manager offered my wife a $15 gift card given the utter failure for her meal, there’s really no need for me to continue this…my wife and friends summed it up perfectly when they got home…”Half-way Café…off our list”.  With all the other dining options available in the MetroWest area, I see no reason to patronize your restaurant any longer.

If you feel it would be helpful to speak about this, I may be reached at 508-XXX-XXXX.

Eric

Half-way tries to go all the way

Half-Way's response.  I give him a lot of credit.  He looked in to it, and gave a detailed response.  While we're not planning on going back anytime soon, they get good marks for the thorough response...

"Eric, my name is Matt XXXX and I am General Manager of the Halfway Cafe in Marlboro. I wanted to apologize for the experience your family and friends had recently at our restaurant. We work very hard to make each experience a good one, understanding full well the breadth of options in MetroWest area. In order to keep you coming back, the service and food must be consistently top notch. On Saturday night, clearly neither were.

The number of "breakdowns" in your visit are vast and are being addressed by myself immediately.

Your server had just come out of training and clearly was not prepared to handle your needs. This explains her lack of warning regarding the pricing of the sides (substituting onion rings for one side should be $1.99. I looked and she substituted both sides for onion rings, resulting in the exorbitant charge) and why she forgot to modify the steak tips as plain, resulting in your tips being doused in cafe sauce. Ultimately, our training needs to be better.

The host failed you on a number of levels with the wait. Our host shouldn't quote specific times over the phone. For large parties, we should put your name on the wait list. When you arrive, your wait would be dictated by your place on the list (typically first), and the availability of tables coming up. We don't usually "hold" tables because of the size of the restaurant and the occasional party that calls ahead but never shows up. Additionally, your concession to split up the party into two groups was apparently never communicated to the manager, who could have certainly expedited your being sat had he known that. Ultimately, our communication needs to be better.

The kitchen failed you on a number of levels as well. The wings are portioned by number. The wings we order are brought to us based upon their size. They should be extremely large wings and a double order of them should never look skimpy. If the wings that come in are not of the usual size, they should compensate automatically with more wings or not serve them at all. The portioning of the steak tips I have spot checked and they are weighed to 10 oz. I have no doubt that the order was small on your plate, though I can only chalk this up to human error on some level, as they are typically spot on. The salad debacle seems two-fold. The manager should not have described it as grilled (it is cooked on the grill but we cook the chicken and vegetables separately in foil so that there is no chance for contamination) and the kitchen obviously didn't execute our allergy protocol properly. No doubt that your food was not cross-contaminated, but when done properly, the food is safe from allergens and delicious. Additionally, they forgot the hummus on the wrap your wife ordered. Ultimately, our execution needs to be better.

Finally, the management, including myself, failed you. We should have caught some of these mistakes and done a better job of rectifying the situation before you left. My intention is not to denigrate my staff. I believe in my staff and managers. Any one of these mistakes would probably not have constituted a "deal-breaker" for your visit. But the culmination of all these errors in one visit has removed us from your restaurant list. We are better than this, as your previous experiences would hopefully dictate. Please know that this is not typical of the Halfway. I am already using this not only as a training tool for our staff, but as personal motivation to ensure that our training, communication, and execution improves.

Whether you decide to give us another chance is ultimately up to you, but we would love to see you again and prove that the other night was an aberration. I would only need an address to send you dinner on us.

Sincerely,

Matt XXXXXXX

General Manager

Halfway Cafe - Marlboro

508-XXX-XXXX"

Beatles for Sale…and so am I!

Well, not really.

A long time ago, in a galaxy not that far away (Marlboro, to be exact), Elayne and I used to go to a particular craft fair held at the Marlboro Royal Trade Plaza, or some crappy name like that. While Elayne liked the scarves and the like, I preferred to go around and sample the foodstuffs. Many people were just re-sellers, but some were also the inventors or manufacturers; those I liked best. What they didn’t like was my brutal honesty about their product. If they asked, after I sampled: “so?”…I’d tell them the truth, whether they liked it or not. That’s what makes me the Critical Palate…honest to a fault.

Those of you that have been faithful readers from the very beginning know that my focus has primarily been food, with an occasional dabbling in popular culture and movies. I am now adding something else: product reviews, done with Critical Palate flair. How will this differ from what already is going on these pages: it won’t, really, but I am offering my Critical Palate review skills, and those of my crack research and taste-testing team, to those of you food purveyors out there looking for market research. My team is made up of a culinary school graduate, several lawyers, a CPA and teenagers…I can serve any market or demographic. Use our tongues for your benefit (that didn’t really sound quite as good as I hoped…or did it?).

Recently, two different purveyors reached out to me and asked that I review a few of their products. Tutorosso Tomatoes sent me three cans of their certified Kosher tomato products: Crushed, diced and whole. I expect to use and test them shortly.

Even more delicious, Aigner/Prensky Marketing Group recently contacted me and asked me to review three items: Two pepper jellies and a calendar! The pepper jellies are right up my alley…I love the sweet/spicy/savory umami thing, and the calendar…wow!

Aigner/Prensky Marketing Group is the marketing firm for the New England Food Truck Festivals, and as it says on their website: “…[we] wanted to create a product to raise money for CommunityServings, whose volunteers, sponsors and staff prepare and deliver 7,500 lunches and dinners to hundreds of homebound individuals and families in Massachusetts.” The pin-up calendar features hot models in throwback pin-up style dress, in front of the food trucks. This is a very well made, beautiful to look at calendar, and most importantly, raises money to help those that can’t get out and eat like me, and the Critical Palate team. Learn more about it here, and help this worthy cause.

Pepper Jelly Triumvirate

For sampling, we tried “Sweet Heat” pepper jelly, original flavor, produced by “Stir It Up Cuisine”, a catering company in Weymouth, Massachusetts that is now breaking in to retail sales of pepper jellies; you can see where you can buy these here. Our crack team was on this like flies on trash. With great anticipation, we broke the hermetic seal, drove the plastic knife in to the jelly, and spread a tasty layer on a wheat thin. I like it…a lot. Critical Dave thought it was too hot (baby!), and Critical Sterling, who has made some homemade pepper jelly in the past, thought it was a little too sweet and was missing some mystery flavor she couldn’t quite identify, but thought it needed. It didn’t stop us from eating a lot more of it, and within the next few days, we’ll be dipping our pretzel sticks and wheat thins into the bottle of “Orange-Mango Sweet Heat Pepper Jelly”. You can do a lot of things with this pepper jelly. Use it as a glaze on chicken or fish, or slather it on a wedge of cheese or a wheel of brie, then spread across a cracker…that’s good eatin’.

Stay tuned for more information on our Orange-Mango jelly review, and while you’re waiting, visit the food truck web site here to buy your calendar…

Our crack sampling team stands by, ready to receive your treats to be put to our taste test. We eat for you!

The hills are alive...

Cleaning out the clutter in my mind…while I deal with a partially torn rotator cuff (insert sympathy “awww” here)

While I gorge myself on holiday treats in the office, I have been pondering all sorts of holiday foods.  On December 22, 2012, join me on The Jordan Rich show as Jordan and I, along with you callers, discuss holiday meals, foods and other treats.  There may even be a special guest or two in studio.  Tune in to 1030AM in Boston, or streaming live on the Internet at cbsboston.com from midnight to 3:30am.

While holiday treats circulate through my system, let me empty out the clutter in my head.  Believe me, there is plenty of clutter.

Call me kooky, but I love the original “The Sound of Music”.  The music, the scenery, the lederhosen!   I am not meeting the news of a remake starring Carrie Underwood with much excitement; some classics are best left alone.  Julie Andrews, with her light British accent, was perfect in the role of Maria. With Carrie’s Midwestern/southern twang, I wonder if they’re going to set this in Little Rock, where the family has to come together and sing while escaping from Mike Huckabee.  Who’s playing Captain Von Trapp?  Jeff Foxworthy?!  This whole thing disturbs me.  What’s next?  A remake of “Red Dawn”?

The hills are alive...with the sound of money...

I just read that Starbucks expects to open a couple of thousand more cafes here in North America over the next few years.  Besides me, who’s drinking all this coffee???

A few weeks ago, I awoke from a not-so-sound sleep to sound of my Keurig K-cup machine pumping water through one of their patented K-cups.  I could smell the wonderful aroma of freshly re-constituted coffee, but was perplexed, since I’m the only one here who drinks this swill.  Elayne told me that Josh had gone to bed quite late the night before, and thought a small cup of coffee would help get his engine running, so to speak (he does eat a substantial breakfast every morning).  Though he was repulsed by the taste, it got me thinking about my personal evolution with coffee, and coffee in general.

I didn’t start drinking coffee until I was in my last year of law school; around 25 years old.  Between the warnings that it will stop me from growing, to the concept of grinding a seed pod into a pulp and pushing water through it (what kind of mind realized this would be ok?), it did not appeal to me.  The Great State University did have a coffee shop in the Campus Center (Blue Wall), which played a pivotal role in my marital relationship, though I would eat there, not drink coffee. 

To me, growing up working at my father’s diner, coffee was a workingman’s drink.  I poured a lot of coffee for the GM workers changing shifts, the cops coming on duty, and the old timers who would sit at the counter and just drink endless cups, exchanging war stories, literally.  All those years, it never appealed to me, nor would I ever have thought of drinking it.  Soda was for kids…coffee for grown-ups.  Not until my last year in law school, once a Dunkin’ Donuts opened across the street, did I begin my appreciation for the sublime bean.

But when did it become a kids’ beverage?  A teacher mentioned to me last week that she sees more students than teachers coming to school with coffee every morning, and that girls more than boys are showing up with giant cups of coffee-based beverages to start their school day.  Breakfast is no longer the most important meal of the day-the triple foam, double-café, light, vanilla, skim cup of caffeinated nothing is!

I call this the “Starbuckinization” of the American youth.  All you faithful readers know how much I like Starbucks…my championship-winning trivia team is called “Team Starbucks”.  But Starbucks and coffee isn’t for kids.  My third realm, quite frankly, has become a pusher of caffeine on the unsuspecting youth who will now be addicted for life.  Like Phillip-Morris or Camel giving away cartons of cigarettes to inner-city youth, Starbucks has led these youngsters on a path to ruin with their “Mocha Frappuccino” or “Peppermint Lattes”-very tasty, and highly addictive.

Admittedly, I let my daughter cajole me into getting her a “grande, decaf, mocha Frappuccino light, with whip and caramel drizzle” once a week because she tells me “it tastes so good”.  When I tell her “you don’t need that”, her retort is “and you don’t need your coffee”, using the knowing, exasperated tone of “if you don’t have your coffee, you’re like Jack Nicholson in ‘The Shining’ Dad…”  But we have preached the evils of caffeine, and I have led by example by cutting down my daily intake to one cup a day, and Mrs. Palate has cut out Diet Coke altogether.  While it may be too late to stem the tide of caffeine intake by teenagers, perhaps an age limit should be placed on Starbucks consumers, and the baristas can start carding people as they order.  But as long as these drinks are this tasty, it’s not your daddy’s coffee anymore, it’s crack or crystal meth.

You’ve been a great audience…until next time America…gotta go grab a cup of coffee.

A Mountain of Sandwiches...

After recovering from my sandwich coma for several weeks, and a shoulder injury that made it difficult to lift up the sandwiches to my mouth, and type, I’m back…

Cold Fresh Turkey Rachel at Kugels

There are two types of deli people…Rachels and Reubens.   Everyone is familiar with the “Reuben”-usually a corned beef sandwich on buttered rye, with Russian dressing, swiss cheese, and sauerkraut, grilled to greasy goodness.  I’d love to meet the evil genius that discovered the confluence of sweet/savory flavors, and the contrast of sublime textures that makes this sandwich the mainstay of any deli. 

Over the years, the reubens have been expanded to include any of the usual deli meats, and then a game-changer…cole slaw instead of sauerkraut; the “Rachel” was born. 

Turkey Rachel

At Kugels in Framingham, they offer these sandwiches both hot and cold, so I ordered a cold fresh turkey Rachel on dark rye.  Not bad…the fresh turkey really makes a difference, but I think I like my Ruebens or Rachels grilled and heated through, not cold.  The sublime mix of ingredients loses something if not warm. 

Sonoma Chicken Salad from Whole Foods

The more I eat at Whole Foods, the more I think that their star is falling.  Several years ago, I gave their burrito bar high marks, but they couldn’t keep up the quality, and upon re-evaluation, I put Boloco back at the top.  Not a true burrito joint, but much better than several of the local places.

Sonoma Chicken Salad...in a fancy container...

However, since it’s right across from my office, I find myself at “Whole Paycheck” frequently, sometimes just grabbing a pre-made sandwich or wrap from the case.  My go-to wrap there is the “Sonoma Chicken Salad”.  I like my chicken salad with grapes or raisins, and the Sonoma has halved red grapes.  It’s an interest mix with grapes and a smattering of black pepper.  Because they refrigerate the wraps, the texture of the wrap itself can be soggy because it’s been sitting around for a while, but for the most part, I eat it with a fork.  It’s ok in a pinch, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to get it.

Garlic Chicken Sandwich from Delaney’s in North Conway

On my annual New Hampshire sojourn, we decided to try a few restaurants that we’ve always wanted to go into, but for one reason or another, never had the opportunity.  “Delaney’s” is one such place. 

I ordered a “Garlic Chicken Sandwich”-described on the menu as garlic pepper grilled chicken breast on an onion roll, with garlic aioli, roasted tomato, spinach and provolone cheese.

You could smell this sandwich 20 feet away when they walked it into the room.  You can only imagine the pungent, yet delicious, stinking rose chicken sandwich.  Though I didn’t have them, if you paired this with an order of onion rings, it would be heaven on a plate.

Garlic Chcken Sandwich...can you smell it?

This sandwich was so good that we went back to Delaney’s later that weekend, and though I had a burger, it was the garlic chicken sandwich that has left an indelible imprint on my nostrils, and my palate.

French Dip at Welley’s in Marlboro

A couple of years back, charter readers of this blog discovered Welly’s in downtown Marlboro, not to be confused with our favorite steakhouse Willy’s in downtown Shrewsbury.   Welly’s is a bar with a casual restaurant attached…the type of place you might just walk past and never consider.   But consider we did, and this was a perfect place to continue my sandwich quest, and just the kind of place to eat a “French Dip”.

I doubt highly that this sandwich originated in France, but I believe the “French” part of the name refers to the loaf of “French bread” on which the sandwich is usually served.  At Welly’s, like most places, it is hot roast beef, with melted cheese, served au jus.  Unlike “Phillipe’s” in Los Angeles (which claims to have invented the sandwich and where they soak the roll in au jus before serving), Welly’s serves the au jus in a cup, and you dip as you go. 

The French Dip at Welly's...I moved the au jus for a clearer photo

I have always enjoyed a “French Dip” and this one is no different.  There’s nothing like the bread, having soaked up the beefy goodness.  The delightfully savory mix of hot beef, melted cheese, beef juice washed down with an onion ring or two is a party in your mouth…

Still more places to describe, but for now, I’m hungry…