dearly departed

Admittedly, for years, my favorite part of award shows, be it the Emmys, Golden Globes (no, I’m not referring to Lindsey Lohan’s recent Playboy photo shoot) or the Oscars, is the “In Memoriam” segment. I like to see who’s played their last scene in the movie of life. I took this to a much higher level several years ago, when I subscribed to “celebritydeathbeeper.com” which provides email or text messages when some celebrity, or quasi-celebrity fades away.

A friend of mine recently told me about a “death pool” at work. You need to list people you think will die this coming year, and if you’re right, at the end, you win some cash. While I’m not entering, I’m think after watching “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”, Dick Clark has to be on everyone’s list. And maybe the aforementioned Ms. Lohan.

Reviewing a few of the names of the dearly departed from this past year…

Harry Morgan-in the M*A*S*H realm, you have the “Winchester v. Burns”, “Trapper John vs. B.J” and “Klinger vs. Radar” debates, but no debate is more active than “Col. Potter v. Col. Blake”. I, for one, am a huge Potter fan. I found McLean Stevenson’s portrayal of the civilian doctor unequipped to run an Army hospital funny, but unrealistically so. I found better humor in trying to integrate a career army doctor into running a hospital full of misfit conscribed doctors just trying to survive. To me, Harry Morgan was the consummate character actor, and his portrayal of Col. Potter was his all-time best.

Joe Frazier-“down goes Frazier, down goes Frazier”. An iconic expression arising from iconic battles between iconic fighters known only as “Ali” or “Frazier”. This was when boxing was a real sport and the fights lived up to the hype.

Andy Rooney-an ironic coincidence that he died only a week or so after his last show. Someone knew something, though his departure from the show came several years too late. Whenever he would begin “you ever wonder…” I would wonder why he’s on tv.

Al Davis-a bootstrapper who rose from the ranks of junior waterboy to coach/owner/ceo of the Oakland Raiders. A Jewish football legend that dressed like an 80 year old Boca Raton pimp.

Cliff Robertson-he was JFK and Uncle Ben, and I don’t mean the rice guy. “With great power comes great responsibility”.

Amy Winehouse-like a dog whistle, she was lost on me. A big “so what-no surprise”.

Sherwood Schwartz-the hero of my youth. Creator of Gilligan’s Island AND the Brady Bunch. Evil genius!

Betty Ford-I raise a glass in her honor.

Gil Scott-Heron-I still remember vividly his performance of “Johannesburg” on SNL back in the late 70s. “Say what’s the word? Johannesburg”. As I always say, “the revolution will not be televised”.

Randy “Macho Man” Savage-who’s gonna sell me my Slim-Jims? Ohhhh yeah!

Sidney Lumet-how can I not recognize this man for his contributions to this very blog. The director of “Network”, he made me mad as hell, and I’m not taking it anymore. “Attica, Attica…”

Gerry Rafferty-singer/songwriter-his “Baker Street” plays a prominent role in “Good Will Hunting” but whose “Stuck in the Middle With You” plays an even more prominent and scarier role in “Reservoir Dogs”.

Steve Jobs-who was this guy, and what did he do again? Changed the way we listen to music, the way we compute, the way we communicate…Oh yeah, changed the world.

Emptying out the file cabinet of my mind

Burlington Mall in Burlington, Massachusetts…surprisingly upscale and skeevy. I think there’s a line-up in front of Hagen Daaz.

Wondering why every food court purveyor is either fried food or some version of Asian cuisine. I've written this before that each food court is filled with the same stuff...is this what America has come to? Eating the same foods but with different names? Funny, the sample of bourbon chicken tastes the same as the sample of pineapple chicken, which tastes suspiciously like the sample of chicken teriyaki, which tastes the same as tangerine chicken, which tastes the same as blackened chicken. Wtf??? Is it just being cooked in a central commissary out of view? Certainly seems so, because that steam table cuisine tastes 3 days old.

Some weirdos hanging out at Barnes and Noble tonight in Burlington. The guy sitting next to me is breathing like Darth Vader, and when I pointed out that he dropped a twenty-dollar bill on the floor, he looked at me as if I told him his ass is hanging out. He's in his thirties, reading anime books...no surprise, single. In fact, he’s watching me type this…hello Darth…

The couple across from me should probably get a hotel room, or at least bring some birth control with them next time. They really should be sitting in the sexuality and health department, but they're putting on quite a demonstration tonight. Seriously, the guy was looking through a book on the Karma Sutra, and now apparently, he’s looking to act out each position, here in the café. The parents of a 13 year old girl sitting nearby are making her move. They may be calling the police too…

Is it strange that I'm in a bookstore reading a book on my iPad? How do these places stays in business? I think the clock is ticking, and the Nook isn’t going to rescue them.



Went to the new Wegmans in Northborough, MA tonight. Holy crap! Huge, daunting, and I probably need to go into training to take this place on. Haven’t been to too many supermarkets selling LA Crueset cookware and other fancy accoutrements. A lot of everything, and a food court and seating area that rivals most major malls. Here's a picture of my dinner. The closest to “food porn” I’ve come.

Love Pandora.com. Discovered some real gems from the 60s and 70s. Wondering why B.J. Thomas doesn’t get more respect. For serious pipes, listen to “Mighty Clouds of Joy” or “Most of All”. For that matter, John Denver has surprised me as well, and Pandora has solidified my respect for Judith Durham.

In a few weeks, I'll be back on the Jordan Rich sow, talking breakfast joints and our favorite wakeup foods. I've been eating more breakfasts lately, and have some thoughts to share, but feel free to write me, or to call in to the radio show on January 21 to talk about your favorites.

Remember, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Random Thoughts from a Cluttered Mind...

Because sometimes it's easier to rant than write...

Kosher Q

I thought some of you might like to go in the "way back" machine and listen to my appearance on LA Talk Radio about kosher bbq. Sit back and enjoy. It may take a while to load, so relax.

You scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream

So goes our family chant (and a lot of other families’, I’m sure) when I was growing up. Given New England’s reputation as the highest consumers of ice cream in the United States, as well as my mother’s reputation as an ice scream connoisseur, I knew the latest quest, was right up my alley (and a few other places). With an ice cream truck jingle playing in my head, I embarked on Cream Quest 2011.

As I said on the radio last week, of all the quests, this one brought back some of the fondest memories, but abused my system in ways I didn’t imagine. I think I actually turned lactose-intolerant after all this consumption; my body just basically said “no mas”…Ice cream was the Sugar Ray Leonard to my Roberto Duran.

Prior to my total system collapse, I was waxing poetic and romanticizing ice cream. Ice cream is really the “food of love”. Most of us took dates out for ice cream-my first date with Mrs. Palate ended at TCBY in Brockton. What Annette Funicello/Frankie Avalon movie didn’t have a scene from a malt shoppe? Everyone loves going out for ice cream. In fact, Baskin-Robbin’s 32nd flavor was called “4-play”-it had a lot of nuts in it. Wasn’t a big hit though.

Talking about ice cream brings out the Union v. Confederacy in everyone. It’s a modern-day Gettysburg. Vanilla vs. Chocolate, soft-serve vs. hard packed, rainbow vs. chocolate sprinkles, cake cone vs. sugar…the list could go on and on. I have friends that have ice cream shipped from all over the country, on dry ice, for special occasions, and I have friends that drive over two hours just to sample the wares at an ice cream joint in another state. Ice cream is important to us, and nothing says summer more than ice cream.

During the Cream Quest, I did come to realize that eating ice cream isn’t just enjoying the cone itself, but also the environment. I believe that the flavor is enhanced by the experience. Eating ice cream in a shopping plaza parking lot (from Friendly’s) is not quite as nice as having a freshly scooped cone and sitting harbor side in Rockport (Rockin’ Cupcakes). Sometimes it’s the environment, and sometime it’s the company, but without further ado, here is the list (with commentary) of most of the places whose cones I licked.


A frequent stop for me always is Dairy Queen (Everywhere). This is an after-orthodontist treat for the kids. While it’s nothing special, you know what you’re going to get. Doesn’t matter if you’re in North Conway, New Hampshire or Houston, Texas…a vanilla cone with butterscotch dip tastes the same. Good or bad? You’ll have to decide yourself.



(photo courtesy of the Boston Globe)

Friendly’s (Everywhere)-really the same as DQ. It may not be as scrumpdillyicious as DQ, but it is follows the national corporate model-make sure it’s the same no matter which location you visit. Growing up, I lived within walking distance of a Friendly’s. In fact, instead of working at my father’s diner, my parents wanted me to work at the Friendly’s…I think so my dad could walk down and grab a “Jim Dandy”. Alas, I was more suited for the diner grillwork than jerking a soda or scooping ice cream.

As you faithful readers know, I love Coneheads in Woodstock, NH. It’s the bomb! Love the 24 flavors of soft-serve, which are perfectly blended in, not swirled, and high-end homemade hard-pack. Everything there is a party in your mouth…you can’t go wrong with having your ice cream scooped by Beldar, and you don’t have to go to Remulak for it!

Leavitt’s (Atkinson NH)-This is a tiny little shop in he middle of nowhere in Atkinson, NH. We discovered it years ago at camp visiting day. Other friends really enjoy it as well. They serve Richardson’s ice cream, and have premium soft-serve.

Dairy Joy (Weston, MA)- Every year when the Boston Globe runs their own ice cream review, they always feature Dairy Joy in Weston. This stand harkens back to a simpler, agrarian time in that area, and it still has that authentic, farmland feel, especially with the Range Rovers, Volvos and Jaguars. I could look beyond all that if the ice cream was any good…it’s not. The soft-serve has a weird after-taste, their ordering system is a failure, and so I didn’t even try the hard-pack. Don’t waste your time.

Honey Pot Hill (Stow, MA)-nothing says fall in New England than the premier apple orchard selling vanilla soft-serve. A surprise, for sure. I said to Mrs. Palate that “this is what Vanilla soft-serve should taste like.” The taste was great, but it had a grainy texture, and it was a poorly formed cone. Droopy, lop-sided and messy. Otherwise, great. I suspect they’ll work out the kinks, and soon enough, it’ll be a nice addition to cider donuts.

Rockin’ Cupcakes (Rockport, MA)-ice cream is hidden in this cupcake bakery, and there are a bunch of places to choose from along Bearskin Neck, but I like this one and they sell Richie’s Slushes in a variety of sizes. It’s almost at the water’s edge, and there’s something very pleasant about grabbing a cone, and a seat at the water, and watching the tide roll in and out. Just watch out for the seagulls.




Ted Drewes Frozen Custard (St. Louis, MO)-your arteries will never be the same. Rich, creamy…killer! You can get custard (an entirely different sort of texture) at Abbot’s in Needham. If you like it thick, creamy and dreamy, you’ll like these custard stands.

Truly Yogurt (Wellesley, MA)-one of my favorite places. High quality frozen yogurt up the street from the Dana Hall school and Wellesley College. Great price to value ratio in a town not known for low prices.

JP Licks (Newton)-over-priced and unimpressive. Built on a reputation that is not all that well deserved. I like the Brookline location well enough, but Newton and Wellesley…feh!

Trombetta’s Creamery (Marlboro , MA): nice selection of home-made flavors, Richie’s slushes and soft-serve, though the soft-serve uses a flavor syrup that swirls around the edges of the ice cream, as opposed to being mixed in like at Conehead’s. While I prefer the thoroughly mixed-in, I just enjoy my soft-serve fix at Trombetta’s. My mother hires them to bring their ice cream truck to her offices throughout the summer, and they know she loves her “purple cow” frozen yogurt. They’ve been around a long time, and have a solid reputation and well-deserved following.


Amy’s (Austin, TX)-as I wrote back in April, nothing finishes a bbq meal, or Chinese food, like ice cream. Amy’s is the “Steve’s” of Austin. Sure, they too have a variety of pretenders, but for icy, creamy goodness, run, don’t walk, to Amy’s, even if it is in Austin. Also, my vote for coolest website animation.

Lizzy’s (Waltham, MA)-I like Lizzy’s. It’s not a place that you’ll drive 20 miles for, but if you’re in Waltham, it’s a good place to stop. They make their own “tofutti” style ice cream, good for the lactose intolerant, and they do a great off-site sundae party. Full disclosure-we’ve used them twice for parties, and they have been fantastically easy to work with, and always perform as promised. Each party was a big hit, and their ice cream is pretty, pretty good too.

Uhlman’s-weird after-taste. I tried several flavors an each one had a strange taste left behind. I know some people who love this place (hi Mom!), but as for me, I’d rather get a cone at MacDonald’s.





Kimball’s (Westford, and other locations)-This is the Disney World of ice cream. They have a million flavors, the scoopers pile on the ice cream, a phenomenal price to value ratio (my kiddie size was bigger than most places “large” and it was $2.49!!!). They have a pitch and putt golf course, mini-golf, bumper boats, a country store, a sandwich stand…ice cream as a destination. And by the way, the chocolate-peanut butter ice cream was the best I ever had, and all the family palates agree!

Until next time America…lick well, lick often!

Dot Dot Dot...Dash Dash Dash...Dot Dot Dot

Good evening Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea...someone should have sent some Morse Code warning me about Morse Tavern in Natick.

My mother always taught me that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. I never listened.

On my journey getting back to local joints, I heard that “The Nicholas” had closed and re-opened under a new name. To that I say, “about time”. The Nicholas’ time had passed the minute “Nick’s” closed years earlier and opened as “The Nicholas”. These places keep opening and closing, all owned by the same family, and while they keep trying, I say three strikes and you’re out.

A year ago, we went to The Nicholas. My mother warned us that she had been a few times, and there was never anyone else here. Not a good sign, by anyone’s estimation. She wasn’t wrong, and after eating there, I could see why. A feeble, and frankly, impotent attempt at Greek cuisine. Now a year later, The Nicholas is gone, and in its place, “Morse Tavern”, a feeble and impotent attempt to create an uninteresting sports bar.

I went there on a Thursday night with the Junior Pallette and a friend and his daughter. I don’t think one of us left impressed or even satisfied. First, we had to deal with an waiter who was working his first solo shift (as he admitted when he came to take our order.) He was clearly overwhelmed, though we were his only table (and one of three in the entire restaurant that actually had people dining). Puzzling, because the parking lot was full, but I came to realize that was due to “Curves” located upstairs. Second, for the second time within a week, the description of the food didn’t match the actual food that hit the plate and our table. This is becoming an epidemic!

First, my friend ordered an appetizer of calamari. That night, they were offering a special; it was calamari in a spicy sauce. When we asked the difference between the special and the one on the menu (“Golden Fried Calamari”), we were told “just the sauce”. So my friend ordered the calamari special, with the sauce on the side. Before they delivered the order, another waitress came to confirm we wanted the “special” with the sauce on the side. That was confirmed. When they delivered the order, these were sautéed calamari, in all their naked, unbreaded, non-fried glory! I wasn’t gonna eat these things no matter what, but if I was, I wouldn’t! Just nasty little buggers. When we called the waiter over, the prison-warden waitress came with him, and with a “what’s your problem” attitude, she said “I confirmed with you that you wanted the special. This is the special-they’re sautéed.” When my friend reminded her that we asked if they were the same as the menu item, she said “whatever…I’ll get you new ones”. She’s the one who’s special! Nice, real nice.

Second, I ordered “Mustard Crusted Chicken”, which is delightfully described as “Pan seared mustard crusted chicken breast served with mashed potato and vegetable of the day”. When I ordered this, I imagined a chicken breast, perhaps coated in bread crumbs that had some mustard mixed into it, pan-seared (because that’s what it said on the menu). Imagine my surprise when it arrived and it bore absolutely no resemblance to what I expected. First, it was a very thin, flat piece of chicken; second, it was breaded and deep-fried beyond all recognition. I was so convinced that it wasn’t what I ordered, that I asked our waiter what it was. His response-“I think it’s what you ordered.” When a different server brought some more things to the table, I asked him if this was the mustard-crust chicken, and his response “if that’s what you ordered, I guess that’s what it is.”

Huh?!?

Let’s just say, the quality of the food matched the quality of the descriptions. No wonder why the place was empty…still! Next week, I’m sure it’ll be operating under a new name. I hope it’s “Closed”.

The wrong descriptions are really troubling. How hard is it to properly describe an item, and then actually deliver what you’re telling people they’re buying? If you’re offering a grilled rib-eye steak, don’t tell me it’s roast prime rib (see the Top Shelf review) and if you’re offering mustard crusted pan-seared chicken, don’t serve me deep-fried chicken breast without a hint of mustard, and have your staff guess about what I ordered.

Not to worry, I won’t be going back to Morse Tavern…I’m sending out the SOS on that!

Until next time America…eat well, eat often.

Tip top...

The past couple of weeks, I have decided to give the local guys a chance, and have tried two new restaurants in the MetroWest. First, “Top Shelf”.

Top Shelf opened in Framingham on Route 9, in an underutilized building the size of a shoebox, explaining why it’s underutilized. It opened a couple of months ago, with little fanfare but a few articles in the local media. It is being billed as a higher-end dining experience in the local area. After a few other bloggers whose opinions I respect posted some positive reviews, I figured it was time to “palatize” it.

Let me say at the outset that I will return, like Eisenhower to Korea, except without the photo ops...

I have to give Top Shelf high marks for food presentation, price point, portion size for salads and entrees. I have to give them low marks for appetizer price to value ratios, their inability to properly cook the Junior Palette’s burger twice, rather apathetic server attitude and poorly described “specials”. Let me explain…

Tornado ordered a burger, “medium”. Not complicated at all. The burger came out cooked all the way through, and then through again, and the bun was charred and blackened (not toasted) and essentially, inedible. Sent it back, and when the replacement burger came, it was swimming in a puddle of red “juice”. We cut into it, and while it was cooked slightly more than the O’Connell’s burger from a year ago, it was not edible, from a ten year old’s perspective. Sooooo, we returned it again. Tornado ordered a steak this time, and when they brought that out, it was barely cooked, and couldn’t even be cut, as raw meat cannot usually be cut with a regular knife. Oy. She ended up eating vegetables…

During the delivery, and subsequent return of the meals for Tornado, I was a little surprised at the server’s attitude. No apology, and every request met with a heavy sigh. I would have expected the server to look at the charred bun the first time, knowing it’s going to a ten year old, and say to the cook “hey, a kid isn’t going to eat this.” Better yet, maybe the cook should have realized that from the outset. Also, for a new restaurant, I think they’d be uber-focused on service to ensure people return for subsequent meal. Was it ignorance or apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care!

The other odd observation, and one that repeated itself at a different restaurant that same week, was a poor description of the “specials”. That night, the server told us that they had “roast prime rib” served with sautéed vegetables and roasted potatoes. On the menu, they also has grilled NY sirloin, served with sautéed vegetables and roasted potatoes. While a rib eye steak is my cut of choice (really a piece of prime rib, but cooked as a steak, not roasted), since their prime rib was roasted, and I was really in the mood for something “grilled”, I opted for the sirloin.

Let me say, it was good. Unlike the Tornado’s, mine was cooked perfectly, the vegetables were crisp, and the potatoes were tasty. But, my dining companion had ordered the prime rib special, and it looked exactly like mine. In fact, I dare say that it really was a rib eye steak, and it was grilled, not roasted!!! Damn, I wanted that!


Also, a slight annoyance was that both mine, and my dining companion’s steaks were drowned in a mushroom demi-glace. Hey, I like demi-glace, or gravy, as much as the next guy, and was happy to have it (I would bathe in it if possible), but it would have been nice to have been warned. It wasn’t listed on the menu, and the waitress didn’t mention it. Had she, I would have ordered it “on the side”, so I could enjoy the grill meat in its purest form. Oh well.

All in all, while Tornado’s meals were challenging and puzzling, and gave me some pause, the other food was executed much better, and I guess they deserve another chance to impress me. Unlike O’Connell’s Pub over a year ago, where the food and the service was so utterly awful, and they made no effort to make sure things were acceptable, at least Top Shelf tried. As the Senior Palate says: it is never a shame to try and fail, just a shame to fail to try!

That’s it for now. Remember, eat well, and eat often.