Now, for the American Idol Ladies...

This is the beauty of TIVO/DVR…I am watching last night, skipping the commercials, while you people are watching the results…or not.

Let me say at the outset…Paula’s a “chucklehead.” You can’t understand half of what she’s saying.

Do people know that Randy is Samuel L. Jackson’s cousin…I half expect him to bust out one night with “Yo mutha (bleep), you f-ing worked it out! Dawg!”

Christy Lee Cook: Cowboy up! “Rescue me”-not too bad. I get the sense that she’s a little behind the music…they’re trying to pull her along a bit, like by a half a beat. Sort of like the Clydesdales pulling the Budweiser cart…Not the most energetic performance…Randy is down on her, everyone is down on her.

Joanne Borgella: Sings like more like Frank Langella. Dionne Warwick…Burt Bacharach- you’re talking my language. But Borgella better be saying a little prayer to stay through next week.

As an aside, I really like Simon. Shoots straight from the hip and tells it like it is. I could do that too.

Alaina Whitaker/Carrie Underwood/Jamie Lynn Spears-needs some orthodontia. I love you more today than yesterday…I think I do. I didn’t start off liking her, but I think I’m with Randy and Simon on this one.

Amanda Overmyer: She’s an “old” 23. She’s got a voice like 10 miles of ripped up road and with that voice, she can blow…but I’d like to understand what she’s saying.. I’m a little envious of the hair. And she’s moving like John Belushi doing Joe Cocker. My nickname for her-“Lucky Strikes”.

Amy Davis: I can give you 36D reasons why she made it through to the top 24. “Where the Boys Are?” I’ll tell you…running to their rooms right now… for earplugs, and other things.

Brooke White: The “No R-rated movies” girl. Carole King wannabe. Happy together…like Paula and vodka.

Alexandrea Lushington: Spinning Wheel. She’s no David Clayton Thomas. She’s no Michael Clayton, Clayton Moore or Dave Thomas either.

Kady Malloy: An unhealthy obsession with Britney Spears…like the rest of the country. “Groovy Kind of Love”. I like the Mindbenders version. This country version is bending my brain…You know when Paula tells people they’re pretty, they suck.

Asia’h Epperson: With a name like this, she could be S. Epatha Merkerson…I can’t even comment on this. She’s off, out of time…off key…she’s taking another little piece of my life I’ll never get back. I totally disagree with the judges.

Ramiele Malubay: She looks a little like Paula..you know, just as tall. Nobody that short should sing Dusty Springfield. I don’t believe her.

Syesha Mercado: Ok, she bothers me. She’s been in Ford commercials (check out www.votefortheworst.com for the story and video) and she has an attitude. As one of my faithful readers observed, she doesn’t have a forehead, she has a “10-head.”

Carly Smithson: Check out http://blog.mattgoyer.com/stories/2002/02/21/popSingerFailsToStrikeAChordDespiteTheMillionsSpentByMCA.html for reasons not to like her. The Shadow of your Smile…are eclipsed by the bags under her eyes. With those teeth, I don’t want to see her smile too much. And what about her husband, the Illustrated Man? She wasn’t bad tonight. Just keep her teeth hidden.

Once again…a very disappointing crop of semi-professionals.

And in about 5 minutes…I’ll watch the results.

For now…enjoy The Byrds.