Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The word of the day...Jewbilation

Once again, a mea culpa to all my fans…you know who both of you are. Been caught up writing a brief to protect the rights of the unjustly accused and convicted. Will try and do better-no promises though, so stop with the hate mail…a big bag of twenties might convince me to write more.

I can’t help it, but when fans cheer for Kevin Youkilis, and chant “Yooooooooooook”, it sounds like “Jooooooooook”. Hey, who cares if the guy’s Greek (he’s not), or a stand-in for “Brother Hezekiah” in Kingpin. He’s one of my people, and boy, can he swing the kosher salami. I hear he’s leading a minyan with Adam Stern, Craig Breslow and Theo. Gabe comes to read Torah on Mondays and Thursdays…

So apparently Bobby Abreau and Jason Giambi are on Slim Fast or Jenny Craig. Or, maybe, and I’m not sure anyone has ever thought of this…THEY WERE ON STEROIDS!!!!!!!!

On a different note, today’s word is “Jewbilation”-the sensation we get when we find out someone famous is a tribesman. This has become a cottage industry to some degree, websites, magazines and the like. My former favorite site, “Jewhoo” has been down for some time, but there’s www.jewsinsports.org for all your Jewish sports figures needs. I bought the American Jewish Historical Society baseball card collection. Boy, we’ve come a long way since “Would you like a pamphlet on great Jewish athletes?” A special shout out to the first person to name that movie.

Back to a little jewbilation-love some of these discoveries. Go to the website, and right off: Oksana Baiul!!!! Sure, there are the usuals-Sandy Koufax, Shawn Green, the aforementioned Brother Hezekiah. But, Jason Marquis, Brad Ausmus, and Jose Bautista???!!! By the way, Rod Carew, not! Married one, raising their kids a MOTTs (Members Of The Tribe), but he’s just a friend to the Jews.

Wannabes abound in Hollywood-Madonna, Britney (she’s one I’d like to throw back), Whoopi Goldberg…but we got some real ones too. Besides the obvious from Adam Sandler’s song, these might be a few that will surprise you: Yasmine Bleeth, Paula Abdul, Nell Carter and Yaphet Kotto.

Just saw “Spiderman 3”—thought it was ok, but way too much computer generated stuff. Can’t Tobey McGuire really swing from a rope like that? Long, drawn out, complex story line…and speaking of steroids and HGH…Thomas Hayden Church. Holy sheep deep Batman…this guy was the village idiot on Wings! I give the whole experience 2 stars. Josh really liked it. He gives it 3 stars.

My prediction…Jordin Sparks, your next American Idol.

For information about why it’s important to wear a helmet while riding a bike, visit http://www.biama.org, the Brain Injury Association of Massachusetts.

You’ve been a great audience, enjoy Rupert Holmes…

2 comments:

marlzach said...

I believe that quote comes from Airplane

Eric Weinstein said...

You were second, but first to post publically. I'll give a shout out to both...