Once again, a mea culpa to all my fans…you know who both of you are. Been caught up writing a brief to protect the rights of the unjustly accused and convicted. Will try and do better-no promises though, so stop with the hate mail…a big bag of twenties might convince me to write more.
I can’t help it, but when fans cheer for Kevin Youkilis, and chant “Yooooooooooook”, it sounds like “Jooooooooook”. Hey, who cares if the guy’s Greek (he’s not), or a stand-in for “Brother Hezekiah” in Kingpin. He’s one of my people, and boy, can he swing the kosher salami. I hear he’s leading a minyan with Adam Stern, Craig Breslow and Theo. Gabe comes to read Torah on Mondays and Thursdays…
So apparently Bobby Abreau and Jason Giambi are on Slim Fast or Jenny Craig. Or, maybe, and I’m not sure anyone has ever thought of this…THEY WERE ON STEROIDS!!!!!!!!
On a different note, today’s word is “Jewbilation”-the sensation we get when we find out someone famous is a tribesman. This has become a cottage industry to some degree, websites, magazines and the like. My former favorite site, “Jewhoo” has been down for some time, but there’s www.jewsinsports.org for all your Jewish sports figures needs. I bought the American Jewish Historical Society baseball card collection. Boy, we’ve come a long way since “Would you like a pamphlet on great Jewish athletes?” A special shout out to the first person to name that movie.
Back to a little jewbilation-love some of these discoveries. Go to the website, and right off: Oksana Baiul!!!! Sure, there are the usuals-Sandy Koufax, Shawn Green, the aforementioned Brother Hezekiah. But, Jason Marquis, Brad Ausmus, and Jose Bautista???!!! By the way, Rod Carew, not! Married one, raising their kids a MOTTs (Members Of The Tribe), but he’s just a friend to the Jews.
Wannabes abound in Hollywood-Madonna, Britney (she’s one I’d like to throw back), Whoopi Goldberg…but we got some real ones too. Besides the obvious from Adam Sandler’s song, these might be a few that will surprise you: Yasmine Bleeth, Paula Abdul, Nell Carter and Yaphet Kotto.
Just saw “Spiderman 3”—thought it was ok, but way too much computer generated stuff. Can’t Tobey McGuire really swing from a rope like that? Long, drawn out, complex story line…and speaking of steroids and HGH…Thomas Hayden Church. Holy sheep deep Batman…this guy was the village idiot on Wings! I give the whole experience 2 stars. Josh really liked it. He gives it 3 stars.
My prediction…Jordin Sparks, your next American Idol.
For information about why it’s important to wear a helmet while riding a bike, visit http://www.biama.org, the Brain Injury Association of Massachusetts.
You’ve been a great audience, enjoy Rupert Holmes…
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Felt Tip Pens...
Emptying out the junk drawer of my mind…
Thanks to all you kind readers asking for more posts…I’ll try to do better. Other than family, work, the synagogue, more family and more work, and more synagogue, this blog is very high on my priority list.
One of my favorite things…randomly bumping into old classmates, with whom I was friendly, and catching up. Hunted down one of my old friends on the Internet, and that’s been a great email connection, but also, living in my hometown, I tend to bump into people I knew way back, even if it’s on rare occasion. A lot of my friends still have their family here, so they come back and being a man about town, I occasionally see people. Mostly these are great reunions—I’ve had a few this past year that I have really enjoyed, and one a few weeks back, at Bertucci’s of all places (since I only eat there when I’m in the mood for lousy food and really bad service). Its terrific catching up, and after, comparing in your own mind where you thought you’d be at this stage in your life. Two things about this, though…
1) I ran into the father of someone I knew way, way back. Apparently, he has remarried, and now has a daughter as young as I do (this guy would be close to 70…I’m not.) I was trying to figure out if he was my friend’s father, and so I say to him “Do you have a daughter about my age?” He looks at me as if I have 5 heads and a bad case of chronic halitosis and says “yes. I haven’t spoken to her in about 15 years!” Ooops. My buddy is performing oral surgery and taking my foot out of my mouth. 2) I was at a wedding last week, and the queen of all “A-List” girls from High School was a guest as well. She looks like she just walked off the pages of the yearbook, and apparently, her demeanor hasn’t changed. You’d think people would mellow with time, and mature gracefully with the passage of time. Not this one. Still wouldn’t give me the time of day. Not that I wanted the time from her…I wear a watch. But you know what I mean. Some reminisces were meant to be, others, thankfully not.
I participated in a panel discussion at the Rabbinical Assembly Biennial Conference this past in Cambridge. The great thing--with 400 attendees, there were only 650 opinions.
Felt tip pens--What’s the point? (Thanks David.)
So, Jennifer Anniston is all up in arms that there is a picture of her topless circulating around the Internet (for those that are interested, check out Google images.). She’s sort of lost on me (Lisa Kudrow was better), but given her career since “Friends”, maybe this is just what she needs to revive it. Look what it did for Jerri from Survivor, Debbie Gibson, and Tara Reid.
Speaking of being a human dog whistle…Tom Bergeron? The guy goes from “Everybody’s Talking” on WBZ4 here in Boston to being the host of Hollywood Squares and America’s Funniest Home Videos and Dancing with the Stars. He’s got teeth Mr. Ed would envy. If this guy can do it, I guess I can too, even if I’ve got a hairline like Telly Savalas.
Speaking of America’s Funniest Home Videos, why are crotch hits funny? Obviously, it’s the women in the audience laughing. And how many times do we need to see some kid crash his bicycle or run into a wall while the parents are taping it and yucking it up? People, give the kid a little help, or at least a warning.
For a good cause, check out this site: http://mysite.verizon.net/Holliston5k
I am beginning a new feature here on the Critical Palate—the random gratuitous shout-out. For those that are interested, please feel free to email me and start offering me things…
For all your intellectual property needs, contact Kriegsman & Kriegsman, Patent Attorneys in Southborough, Massachusetts.
You’ve been great. Enjoy The Tubes…
Thanks to all you kind readers asking for more posts…I’ll try to do better. Other than family, work, the synagogue, more family and more work, and more synagogue, this blog is very high on my priority list.
One of my favorite things…randomly bumping into old classmates, with whom I was friendly, and catching up. Hunted down one of my old friends on the Internet, and that’s been a great email connection, but also, living in my hometown, I tend to bump into people I knew way back, even if it’s on rare occasion. A lot of my friends still have their family here, so they come back and being a man about town, I occasionally see people. Mostly these are great reunions—I’ve had a few this past year that I have really enjoyed, and one a few weeks back, at Bertucci’s of all places (since I only eat there when I’m in the mood for lousy food and really bad service). Its terrific catching up, and after, comparing in your own mind where you thought you’d be at this stage in your life. Two things about this, though…
1) I ran into the father of someone I knew way, way back. Apparently, he has remarried, and now has a daughter as young as I do (this guy would be close to 70…I’m not.) I was trying to figure out if he was my friend’s father, and so I say to him “Do you have a daughter about my age?” He looks at me as if I have 5 heads and a bad case of chronic halitosis and says “yes. I haven’t spoken to her in about 15 years!” Ooops. My buddy is performing oral surgery and taking my foot out of my mouth. 2) I was at a wedding last week, and the queen of all “A-List” girls from High School was a guest as well. She looks like she just walked off the pages of the yearbook, and apparently, her demeanor hasn’t changed. You’d think people would mellow with time, and mature gracefully with the passage of time. Not this one. Still wouldn’t give me the time of day. Not that I wanted the time from her…I wear a watch. But you know what I mean. Some reminisces were meant to be, others, thankfully not.
I participated in a panel discussion at the Rabbinical Assembly Biennial Conference this past in Cambridge. The great thing--with 400 attendees, there were only 650 opinions.
Felt tip pens--What’s the point? (Thanks David.)
So, Jennifer Anniston is all up in arms that there is a picture of her topless circulating around the Internet (for those that are interested, check out Google images.). She’s sort of lost on me (Lisa Kudrow was better), but given her career since “Friends”, maybe this is just what she needs to revive it. Look what it did for Jerri from Survivor, Debbie Gibson, and Tara Reid.
Speaking of being a human dog whistle…Tom Bergeron? The guy goes from “Everybody’s Talking” on WBZ4 here in Boston to being the host of Hollywood Squares and America’s Funniest Home Videos and Dancing with the Stars. He’s got teeth Mr. Ed would envy. If this guy can do it, I guess I can too, even if I’ve got a hairline like Telly Savalas.
Speaking of America’s Funniest Home Videos, why are crotch hits funny? Obviously, it’s the women in the audience laughing. And how many times do we need to see some kid crash his bicycle or run into a wall while the parents are taping it and yucking it up? People, give the kid a little help, or at least a warning.
For a good cause, check out this site: http://mysite.verizon.net/Holliston5k
I am beginning a new feature here on the Critical Palate—the random gratuitous shout-out. For those that are interested, please feel free to email me and start offering me things…
For all your intellectual property needs, contact Kriegsman & Kriegsman, Patent Attorneys in Southborough, Massachusetts.
You’ve been great. Enjoy The Tubes…
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