The Critical Palate

dearly departed

2012-01-06T22:52:00.002-05:00

Admittedly, for years, my favorite part of award shows, be it the Emmys, Golden Globes (no, I’m not referring to Lindsey Lohan’s recent Playboy photo shoot) or the Oscars, is the “In Memoriam” segment. I like to see who’s played their last scene in the movie of life. I took this to a much higher level several years ago, when I subscribed to “celebritydeathbeeper.com” which provides email or text messages when some celebrity, or quasi-celebrity fades away.

A friend of mine recently told me about a “death pool” at work. You need to list people you think will die this coming year, and if you’re right, at the end, you win some cash. While I’m not entering, I’m think after watching “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”, Dick Clark has to be on everyone’s list. And maybe the aforementioned Ms. Lohan.

Reviewing a few of the names of the dearly departed from this past year…

Harry Morgan-in the M*A*S*H realm, you have the “Winchester v. Burns”, “Trapper John vs. B.J” and “Klinger vs. Radar” debates, but no debate is more active than “Col. Potter v. Col. Blake”. I, for one, am a huge Potter fan. I found McLean Stevenson’s portrayal of the civilian doctor unequipped to run an Army hospital funny, but unrealistically so. I found better humor in trying to integrate a career army doctor into running a hospital full of misfit conscribed doctors just trying to survive. To me, Harry Morgan was the consummate character actor, and his portrayal of Col. Potter was his all-time best.

Joe Frazier-“down goes Frazier, down goes Frazier”. An iconic expression arising from iconic battles between iconic fighters known only as “Ali” or “Frazier”. This was when boxing was a real sport and the fights lived up to the hype.

Andy Rooney-an ironic coincidence that he died only a week or so after his last show. Someone knew something, though his departure from the show came several years too late. Whenever he would begin “you ever wonder…” I would wonder why he’s on tv.

Al Davis-a bootstrapper who rose from the ranks of junior waterboy to coach/owner/ceo of the Oakland Raiders. A Jewish football legend that dressed like an 80 year old Boca Raton pimp.

Cliff Robertson-he was JFK and Uncle Ben, and I don’t mean the rice guy. “With great power comes great responsibility”.

Amy Winehouse-like a dog whistle, she was lost on me. A big “so what-no surprise”.

Sherwood Schwartz-the hero of my youth. Creator of Gilligan’s Island AND the Brady Bunch. Evil genius!

Betty Ford-I raise a glass in her honor.

Gil Scott-Heron-I still remember vividly his performance of “Johannesburg” on SNL back in the late 70s. “Say what’s the word? Johannesburg”. As I always say, “the revolution will not be televised”.

Randy “Macho Man” Savage-who’s gonna sell me my Slim-Jims? Ohhhh yeah!

Sidney Lumet-how can I not recognize this man for his contributions to this very blog. The director of “Network”, he made me mad as hell, and I’m not taking it anymore. “Attica, Attica…”

Gerry Rafferty-singer/songwriter-his “Baker Street” plays a prominent role in “Good Will Hunting” but whose “Stuck in the Middle With You” plays an even more prominent and scarier role in “Reservoir Dogs”.

Steve Jobs-who was this guy, and what did he do again? Changed the way we listen to music, the way we compute, the way we communicate…Oh yeah, changed the world.

Emptying out the file cabinet of my mind

2012-01-01T22:52:00.002-05:00

Burlington Mall in Burlington, Massachusetts…surprisingly upscale and skeevy. I think there’s a line-up in front of Hagen Daaz.

Wondering why every food court purveyor is either fried food or some version of Asian cuisine. I've written this before that each food court is filled with the same stuff...is this what America has come to? Eating the same foods but with different names? Funny, the sample of bourbon chicken tastes the same as the sample of pineapple chicken, which tastes suspiciously like the sample of chicken teriyaki, which tastes the same as tangerine chicken, which tastes the same as blackened chicken. Wtf??? Is it just being cooked in a central commissary out of view? Certainly seems so, because that steam table cuisine tastes 3 days old.

Some weirdos hanging out at Barnes and Noble tonight in Burlington. The guy sitting next to me is breathing like Darth Vader, and when I pointed out that he dropped a twenty-dollar bill on the floor, he looked at me as if I told him his ass is hanging out. He's in his thirties, reading anime books...no surprise, single. In fact, he’s watching me type this…hello Darth…

The couple across from me should probably get a hotel room, or at least bring some birth control with them next time. They really should be sitting in the sexuality and health department, but they're putting on quite a demonstration tonight. Seriously, the guy was looking through a book on the Karma Sutra, and now apparently, he’s looking to act out each position, here in the café. The parents of a 13 year old girl sitting nearby are making her move. They may be calling the police too…

Is it strange that I'm in a bookstore reading a book on my iPad? How do these places stays in business? I think the clock is ticking, and the Nook isn’t going to rescue them.

Went to the new Wegmans in Northborough, MA tonight. Holy crap! Huge, daunting, and I probably need to go into training to take this place on. Haven’t been to too many supermarkets selling LA Crueset cookware and other fancy accoutrements. A lot of everything, and a food court and seating area that rivals most major malls. Here's a picture of my dinner. The closest to “food porn” I’ve come.

Love Pandora.com. Discovered some real gems from the 60s and 70s. Wondering why B.J. Thomas doesn’t get more respect. For serious pipes, listen to “Mighty Clouds of Joy” or “Most of All”. For that matter, John Denver has surprised me as well, and Pandora has solidified my respect for Judith Durham.

In a few weeks, I'll be back on the Jordan Rich sow, talking breakfast joints and our favorite wakeup foods. I've been eating more breakfasts lately, and have some thoughts to share, but feel free to write me, or to call in to the radio show on January 21 to talk about your favorites.

Remember, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Random Thoughts from a Cluttered Mind...

2011-11-25T22:46:00.002-05:00

Because sometimes it's easier to rant than write...

Kosher Q

2011-11-16T22:16:00.002-05:00

I thought some of you might like to go in the "way back" machine and listen to my appearance on LA Talk Radio about kosher bbq. Sit back and enjoy. It may take a while to load, so relax.

You scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream

2011-10-03T21:35:00.005-04:00

So goes our family chant (and a lot of other families’, I’m sure) when I was growing up. Given New England’s reputation as the highest consumers of ice cream in the United States, as well as my mother’s reputation as an ice scream connoisseur, I knew the latest quest, was right up my alley (and a few other places). With an ice cream truck jingle playing in my head, I embarked on Cream Quest 2011.

As I said on the radio last week, of all the quests, this one brought back some of the fondest memories, but abused my system in ways I didn’t imagine. I think I actually turned lactose-intolerant after all this consumption; my body just basically said “no mas”…Ice cream was the Sugar Ray Leonard to my Roberto Duran.

Prior to my total system collapse, I was waxing poetic and romanticizing ice cream. Ice cream is really the “food of love”. Most of us took dates out for ice cream-my first date with Mrs. Palate ended at TCBY in Brockton. What Annette Funicello/Frankie Avalon movie didn’t have a scene from a malt shoppe? Everyone loves going out for ice cream. In fact, Baskin-Robbin’s 32nd flavor was called “4-play”-it had a lot of nuts in it. Wasn’t a big hit though.

Talking about ice cream brings out the Union v. Confederacy in everyone. It’s a modern-day Gettysburg. Vanilla vs. Chocolate, soft-serve vs. hard packed, rainbow vs. chocolate sprinkles, cake cone vs. sugar…the list could go on and on. I have friends that have ice cream shipped from all over the country, on dry ice, for special occasions, and I have friends that drive over two hours just to sample the wares at an ice cream joint in another state. Ice cream is important to us, and nothing says summer more than ice cream.

During the Cream Quest, I did come to realize that eating ice cream isn’t just enjoying the cone itself, but also the environment. I believe that the flavor is enhanced by the experience. Eating ice cream in a shopping plaza parking lot (from Friendly’s) is not quite as nice as having a freshly scooped cone and sitting harbor side in Rockport (Rockin’ Cupcakes). Sometimes it’s the environment, and sometime it’s the company, but without further ado, here is the list (with commentary) of most of the places whose cones I licked.

A frequent stop for me always is Dairy Queen (Everywhere). This is an after-orthodontist treat for the kids. While it’s nothing special, you know what you’re going to get. Doesn’t matter if you’re in North Conway, New Hampshire or Houston, Texas…a vanilla cone with butterscotch dip tastes the same. Good or bad? You’ll have to decide yourself.

(photo courtesy of the Boston Globe)

Friendly’s (Everywhere)-really the same as DQ. It may not be as scrumpdillyicious as DQ, but it is follows the national corporate model-make sure it’s the same no matter which location you visit. Growing up, I lived within walking distance of a Friendly’s. In fact, instead of working at my father’s diner, my parents wanted me to work at the Friendly’s…I think so my dad could walk down and grab a “Jim Dandy”. Alas, I was more suited for the diner grillwork than jerking a soda or scooping ice cream.

As you faithful readers know, I love Coneheads in Woodstock, NH. It’s the bomb! Love the 24 flavors of soft-serve, which are perfectly blended in, not swirled, and high-end homemade hard-pack. Everything there is a party in your mouth…you can’t go wrong with having your ice cream scooped by Beldar, and you don’t have to go to Remulak for it!

Leavitt’s (Atkinson NH)-This is a tiny little shop in he middle of nowhere in Atkinson, NH. We discovered it years ago at camp visiting day. Other friends really enjoy it as well. They serve Richardson’s ice cream, and have premium soft-serve.

Dairy Joy (Weston, MA)- Every year when the Boston Globe runs their own ice cream review, they always feature Dairy Joy in Weston. This stand harkens back to a simpler, agrarian time in that area, and it still has that authentic, farmland feel, especially with the Range Rovers, Volvos and Jaguars. I could look beyond all that if the ice cream was any good…it’s not. The soft-serve has a weird after-taste, their ordering system is a failure, and so I didn’t even try the hard-pack. Don’t waste your time.

Honey Pot Hill (Stow, MA)-nothing says fall in New England than the premier apple orchard selling vanilla soft-serve. A surprise, for sure. I said to Mrs. Palate that “this is what Vanilla soft-serve should taste like.” The taste was great, but it had a grainy texture, and it was a poorly formed cone. Droopy, lop-sided and messy. Otherwise, great. I suspect they’ll work out the kinks, and soon enough, it’ll be a nice addition to cider donuts.

Rockin’ Cupcakes (Rockport, MA)-ice cream is hidden in this cupcake bakery, and there are a bunch of places to choose from along Bearskin Neck, but I like this one and they sell Richie’s Slushes in a variety of sizes. It’s almost at the water’s edge, and there’s something very pleasant about grabbing a cone, and a seat at the water, and watching the tide roll in and out. Just watch out for the seagulls.

Ted Drewes Frozen Custard (St. Louis, MO)-your arteries will never be the same. Rich, creamy…killer! You can get custard (an entirely different sort of texture) at Abbot’s in Needham. If you like it thick, creamy and dreamy, you’ll like these custard stands.

Truly Yogurt (Wellesley, MA)-one of my favorite places. High quality frozen yogurt up the street from the Dana Hall school and Wellesley College. Great price to value ratio in a town not known for low prices.

JP Licks (Newton)-over-priced and unimpressive. Built on a reputation that is not all that well deserved. I like the Brookline location well enough, but Newton and Wellesley…feh!

Trombetta’s Creamery (Marlboro , MA): nice selection of home-made flavors, Richie’s slushes and soft-serve, though the soft-serve uses a flavor syrup that swirls around the edges of the ice cream, as opposed to being mixed in like at Conehead’s. While I prefer the thoroughly mixed-in, I just enjoy my soft-serve fix at Trombetta’s. My mother hires them to bring their ice cream truck to her offices throughout the summer, and they know she loves her “purple cow” frozen yogurt. They’ve been around a long time, and have a solid reputation and well-deserved following.

Amy’s (Austin, TX)-as I wrote back in April, nothing finishes a bbq meal, or Chinese food, like ice cream. Amy’s is the “Steve’s” of Austin. Sure, they too have a variety of pretenders, but for icy, creamy goodness, run, don’t walk, to Amy’s, even if it is in Austin. Also, my vote for coolest website animation.

Lizzy’s (Waltham, MA)-I like Lizzy’s. It’s not a place that you’ll drive 20 miles for, but if you’re in Waltham, it’s a good place to stop. They make their own “tofutti” style ice cream, good for the lactose intolerant, and they do a great off-site sundae party. Full disclosure-we’ve used them twice for parties, and they have been fantastically easy to work with, and always perform as promised. Each party was a big hit, and their ice cream is pretty, pretty good too.

Uhlman’s-weird after-taste. I tried several flavors an each one had a strange taste left behind. I know some people who love this place (hi Mom!), but as for me, I’d rather get a cone at MacDonald’s.

Kimball’s (Westford, and other locations)-This is the Disney World of ice cream. They have a million flavors, the scoopers pile on the ice cream, a phenomenal price to value ratio (my kiddie size was bigger than most places “large” and it was $2.49!!!). They have a pitch and putt golf course, mini-golf, bumper boats, a country store, a sandwich stand…ice cream as a destination. And by the way, the chocolate-peanut butter ice cream was the best I ever had, and all the family palates agree!

Until next time America…lick well, lick often!

Dot Dot Dot...Dash Dash Dash...Dot Dot Dot

2011-09-14T22:34:00.001-04:00

Good evening Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea...someone should have sent some Morse Code warning me about Morse Tavern in Natick.

My mother always taught me that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. I never listened.

On my journey getting back to local joints, I heard that “The Nicholas” had closed and re-opened under a new name. To that I say, “about time”. The Nicholas’ time had passed the minute “Nick’s” closed years earlier and opened as “The Nicholas”. These places keep opening and closing, all owned by the same family, and while they keep trying, I say three strikes and you’re out.

A year ago, we went to The Nicholas. My mother warned us that she had been a few times, and there was never anyone else here. Not a good sign, by anyone’s estimation. She wasn’t wrong, and after eating there, I could see why. A feeble, and frankly, impotent attempt at Greek cuisine. Now a year later, The Nicholas is gone, and in its place, “Morse Tavern”, a feeble and impotent attempt to create an uninteresting sports bar.

I went there on a Thursday night with the Junior Pallette and a friend and his daughter. I don’t think one of us left impressed or even satisfied. First, we had to deal with an waiter who was working his first solo shift (as he admitted when he came to take our order.) He was clearly overwhelmed, though we were his only table (and one of three in the entire restaurant that actually had people dining). Puzzling, because the parking lot was full, but I came to realize that was due to “Curves” located upstairs. Second, for the second time within a week, the description of the food didn’t match the actual food that hit the plate and our table. This is becoming an epidemic!

First, my friend ordered an appetizer of calamari. That night, they were offering a special; it was calamari in a spicy sauce. When we asked the difference between the special and the one on the menu (“Golden Fried Calamari”), we were told “just the sauce”. So my friend ordered the calamari special, with the sauce on the side. Before they delivered the order, another waitress came to confirm we wanted the “special” with the sauce on the side. That was confirmed. When they delivered the order, these were sautéed calamari, in all their naked, unbreaded, non-fried glory! I wasn’t gonna eat these things no matter what, but if I was, I wouldn’t! Just nasty little buggers. When we called the waiter over, the prison-warden waitress came with him, and with a “what’s your problem” attitude, she said “I confirmed with you that you wanted the special. This is the special-they’re sautéed.” When my friend reminded her that we asked if they were the same as the menu item, she said “whatever…I’ll get you new ones”. She’s the one who’s special! Nice, real nice.

Second, I ordered “Mustard Crusted Chicken”, which is delightfully described as “Pan seared mustard crusted chicken breast served with mashed potato and vegetable of the day”. When I ordered this, I imagined a chicken breast, perhaps coated in bread crumbs that had some mustard mixed into it, pan-seared (because that’s what it said on the menu). Imagine my surprise when it arrived and it bore absolutely no resemblance to what I expected. First, it was a very thin, flat piece of chicken; second, it was breaded and deep-fried beyond all recognition. I was so convinced that it wasn’t what I ordered, that I asked our waiter what it was. His response-“I think it’s what you ordered.” When a different server brought some more things to the table, I asked him if this was the mustard-crust chicken, and his response “if that’s what you ordered, I guess that’s what it is.”

Huh?!?

Let’s just say, the quality of the food matched the quality of the descriptions. No wonder why the place was empty…still! Next week, I’m sure it’ll be operating under a new name. I hope it’s “Closed”.

The wrong descriptions are really troubling. How hard is it to properly describe an item, and then actually deliver what you’re telling people they’re buying? If you’re offering a grilled rib-eye steak, don’t tell me it’s roast prime rib (see the Top Shelf review) and if you’re offering mustard crusted pan-seared chicken, don’t serve me deep-fried chicken breast without a hint of mustard, and have your staff guess about what I ordered.

Not to worry, I won’t be going back to Morse Tavern…I’m sending out the SOS on that!

Until next time America…eat well, eat often.

Tip top...

2011-09-13T20:49:00.002-04:00

The past couple of weeks, I have decided to give the local guys a chance, and have tried two new restaurants in the MetroWest. First, “Top Shelf”.

Top Shelf opened in Framingham on Route 9, in an underutilized building the size of a shoebox, explaining why it’s underutilized. It opened a couple of months ago, with little fanfare but a few articles in the local media. It is being billed as a higher-end dining experience in the local area. After a few other bloggers whose opinions I respect posted some positive reviews, I figured it was time to “palatize” it.

Let me say at the outset that I will return, like Eisenhower to Korea, except without the photo ops...

I have to give Top Shelf high marks for food presentation, price point, portion size for salads and entrees. I have to give them low marks for appetizer price to value ratios, their inability to properly cook the Junior Palette’s burger twice, rather apathetic server attitude and poorly described “specials”. Let me explain…

Tornado ordered a burger, “medium”. Not complicated at all. The burger came out cooked all the way through, and then through again, and the bun was charred and blackened (not toasted) and essentially, inedible. Sent it back, and when the replacement burger came, it was swimming in a puddle of red “juice”. We cut into it, and while it was cooked slightly more than the O’Connell’s burger from a year ago, it was not edible, from a ten year old’s perspective. Sooooo, we returned it again. Tornado ordered a steak this time, and when they brought that out, it was barely cooked, and couldn’t even be cut, as raw meat cannot usually be cut with a regular knife. Oy. She ended up eating vegetables…

During the delivery, and subsequent return of the meals for Tornado, I was a little surprised at the server’s attitude. No apology, and every request met with a heavy sigh. I would have expected the server to look at the charred bun the first time, knowing it’s going to a ten year old, and say to the cook “hey, a kid isn’t going to eat this.” Better yet, maybe the cook should have realized that from the outset. Also, for a new restaurant, I think they’d be uber-focused on service to ensure people return for subsequent meal. Was it ignorance or apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care!

The other odd observation, and one that repeated itself at a different restaurant that same week, was a poor description of the “specials”. That night, the server told us that they had “roast prime rib” served with sautéed vegetables and roasted potatoes. On the menu, they also has grilled NY sirloin, served with sautéed vegetables and roasted potatoes. While a rib eye steak is my cut of choice (really a piece of prime rib, but cooked as a steak, not roasted), since their prime rib was roasted, and I was really in the mood for something “grilled”, I opted for the sirloin.

Let me say, it was good. Unlike the Tornado’s, mine was cooked perfectly, the vegetables were crisp, and the potatoes were tasty. But, my dining companion had ordered the prime rib special, and it looked exactly like mine. In fact, I dare say that it really was a rib eye steak, and it was grilled, not roasted!!! Damn, I wanted that!

Also, a slight annoyance was that both mine, and my dining companion’s steaks were drowned in a mushroom demi-glace. Hey, I like demi-glace, or gravy, as much as the next guy, and was happy to have it (I would bathe in it if possible), but it would have been nice to have been warned. It wasn’t listed on the menu, and the waitress didn’t mention it. Had she, I would have ordered it “on the side”, so I could enjoy the grill meat in its purest form. Oh well.

All in all, while Tornado’s meals were challenging and puzzling, and gave me some pause, the other food was executed much better, and I guess they deserve another chance to impress me. Unlike O’Connell’s Pub over a year ago, where the food and the service was so utterly awful, and they made no effort to make sure things were acceptable, at least Top Shelf tried. As the Senior Palate says: it is never a shame to try and fail, just a shame to fail to try!

That’s it for now. Remember, eat well, and eat often.

Keep lickin'...

2011-08-29T23:08:00.002-04:00

I haven’t forgotten or forsaken you, dear readers. After a surprisingly busy summer, I am anticipating a busy Fall. However, that has not thwarted my sampling of ice cream across New England. Join me on Saturday night, September 17, 2011 on “The Jordan Rich Show” from midnight until 3:30am as we’ll be talking ice cream and other delectable frozen treats. Tune in to WBZ 1030am or CBSBoston.com streaming live on the Internet.

Bad Burrito

2011-08-01T22:14:00.004-04:00

A little over a year ago, I embarked on the burrito blow-out, giving both Boloco and Chipotle high marks, running neck and neck. After further dining and sampling of the wares at Moe’s, I feel compelled to upgrade Boloco again, and downgrade, to the bottom shelf of the bodega, Chipotle.

I share with you the following email sent to Chipotle headquarters on July 19, 2011:

“This isn't the first time I've written about this location, but it will likely be the last. This particular location has the worst line, and the worst logistical layout of any Chipotle. The past three times my colleagues and I have gone there, the line has been winding through the seating area all the way to the front door. The staff is slow to move people through the line, using up almost our entire lunch-time just waiting to be served. This wouldn’t be so bad, except with of the "open kitchen" concept, we are able to watch what goes on behind the scenes. I have often said that people like to eat sausage, but don't want to see it being made. The same can be said for Chipotle.

Yesterday, while waiting in line, we watched a gentleman in the kitchen, WITHOUT GLOVES, toss ingredients into the rice with his bare hands, and then mix it with a large spoon. When the rice was tossed up onto his UNGLOVED hand, he shook the rice back into the bowl. Adding to this show, he wiped his nose on the back of his hand!!! At that point, my friend and I left, and went across the street to "Moe's" (blog aside-another bad choice). This isn't the first time we've made such observations, but it has grown to such a degree that I doubt the efficacy of your training and there is a tremendous breakdown in supervision. You are lucky the Board of Health hasn't come for lunch there.

Besides my day job, I am a food blogger, and am a frequent guest on WBZ radio here in Boston. On a previous show and posting, I gave Chipotle high marks but my experiences over the past few months has left me no choice but to stop eating in your restaurants, and to update my post warning people about the sloppy food preparation and potential danger. Feel free to email me with your response.”

So kind readers, consider yourselves warned.

I give Chipotle props for their prompt response, which came almost immediately, and not only addressed my issue with the usual corporate double-talk, but also resulted in them sending me gift cards for 2 free burritos (with a side of Giardia if I want to take the chance-and I don’t mean DeLaurentis). We almost took a chance today, which ended with me sending the following email to corporate tonight.

“…I can tell you that after my visit to Chipotle today (which again resulted in my friend and I leaving before ordering), I will not be returning.

Last week, my daughter wanted to eat at the Framingham location, so we went back, with some trepidation, and once again, I could see the exact same situation as before going on in the kitchen. One glove on, one off, handling food. We left without ordering. At the time, I thought to myself “maybe they haven’t received the corporate directive to take patrons' health seriously and WEAR THE GLOVES, so I’ll give it another chance in a week or so.”

So today, one of my colleagues and I went to Chipotle. Of course, we were greeted with a line longer than the Great Wall of China. While we were waiting, we were treated to the usual kitchen show-except this time, the rice-maker wasn’t wearing ANY gloves, mixing and tossing the rice bare-handed! Besides deciding to leave, I also wanted to speak with the manager. When I approached the side window to ask to speak with him, I could see him in the kitchen, cutting up green peppers, bare-handed!

It was immediately apparent that this is a systemic training issue and when the person in charge of the restaurant doesn’t care to observe the rules, the staff will never care to follow the rules either. There just isn’t any motivation to do so, and apparently, can’t be any repercussions since the manager himself is setting the bad example. I just shook my head and walked away, not bothering to speak with the manager. I wonder if these rules have even been communicated to the management, or staff.

At this point, there really is nothing that can be done and there is no reason to return. It is doubtful training will have any effect, as it appears that thus far, it has fallen on deaf ears, if it has been communicated at all. Perhaps a visit from the Board of Health might help re-adjust the staff's perspective on safe food handling.”

I have resorted to a tactic that I rarely invoke-the Board of Health. The report was made. When I described the issue to the BOH, the response was priceless: “what is wrong with them?” Indeed!

Could I have a chicken burrito, with a side of Listeria and a sprinkling of Hepatitis please?

More Ado about Nothing

2011-07-29T17:25:00.002-04:00

Here's another entry into audio-blogging. Sit back, and enjoy "Aud-Blog 2"

Without further ado...

2011-05-30T15:48:00.003-04:00

Thanks to Jordan Rich for having me on his show last week. We had a lot of fun talking about last meals...felt like we were on death row.

I've been slowly ramping up the audio component, so without further ado, here's another attempt to post some audio. As always, feel free to share your thoughts. There will be more to come, like it or not...

Now this is a rib!!!

2011-05-20T07:54:00.002-04:00

Please join me tonight (Friday, May 20) on The Jordan Rich Show on WBZ 1030AM at midnight, where we'll be talking Texas BBQ, burritos and your recent restaurant experiences, both good and bad...

To whet your appetite, I share the following:

Tune-In...testing,1, 2, 3

2011-05-11T08:14:00.003-04:00

Finally, the moment many of you have waited for...at least those of you that can't tune in to WBZ 1030AM-the Critical Palate audio blog!!!

This is merely a test, with plenty more where this came from. For now, sit back, relax and enjoy.

The Final Countdown…

2011-05-02T20:57:00.003-04:00

Well, the end came too soon if you ask me. While it would be nice to get home to Mrs. Palate and the kids, there was still more bbq to consume and opinions to render (and I’ve been known to render a few). However, work and other responsibilities beckon, and while I could just keep waddling from joint to joint, all good things must come to an end. But not without one last hurrah!

Like the other days, we got up and out early. After checking out of the hotel with the requisite last visit to Starbucks, we hit the road for “The County Line” in Austin. County Line, like “Rudy’s” (see earlier post) is part of a small chain. However, unlike Rudy’s, the County Line seems to have retained a little of its “joint”-like feel from its origins.

Separating the County Line from the others was carpeting, literally. It was the only place that actually had a carpeted dining room. Our table overlooked a hilly vista onto Texas Hill Country, and it was slightly incongruous to be eating messy bbq with such a beautiful view on carpeting. I would think that Stanley Steamer is on-call.

Unfortunately, the County Line was the weak link in the bbq chain. The food was good, but not great, and other than the view, the only other exceptional item, for me, was the cole slaw. Sides tend to take a back seat in Texas, but for me, it’s nice to have something to sample other than meat. I enjoy a good side of beans or cole slaw as much as the next guy, and the County Line takes the blue ribbon for best side. I was hoping for better, but still, not a bad way to end.

Next post will be my final observations, but here’s something to chew on…the worst bbq meal in Texas is better than anything I’ve ever had here in Massachusetts or across the Northeast-it was even better than the bbq I had in Columbia, MO or St. Louis while I was away in law school. BBQ is in their blood down there, and they just know how to do it right.

Until next time America…eat well, eat often!

"I shall not seek, and I will not accept, the nomination of my party for another term as your president"

2011-05-02T20:00:00.007-04:00

With two days left for the bbq binge-fest, and plenty of space in my stomach, we awoke with a plan for Sunday, albeit a less aggressive one.

First stop, “Rudy’s” in Austin. Rudy’s was the first restaurant we dined at that was part of a chain. With 30 locations across Texas and Oklahoma, Rudy’s more corporate approach is apparently a winner, or at least popular. While the environment was more sterilized/corporate, and clearly designed to replicate a roadhouse as opposed to actually being one, the food wasn’t bad at all.

Upon walking through the front door, we walked up to the counter to order. While the employees were friendly and greeted us in a humorous fashion, there’s a palpably different essence here, where the crew is wearing nicely pressed shirts and clean aprons, as compared to Black’s or Kreuz, where it doesn’t look like anyone has laundered their clothes or showered in a week. Frankly, I prefer the filthy, worked-in clothes.

Once we identified that we were from out of town, the guy at the counter launched in to a presentation about their food, plus some sampling, to help assist me in my decision-making. I opted for my usual: brisket and smoked turkey (they did not have beef ribs on the menu). The food was tasty, and I give them the blue ribbon for best smoked turkey; it had a nice peppery crust, and was very moist. Even with the corporate feel, the food was tasty and they seem to be doing something right, judging by the crowds.

After lunch, we took a leisurely drive to the University of Texas-Austin campus for a visit to the Lyndon Baines Johnson Presidential Library. I really enjoy visiting places like this-the library was so much more than a vanity tribute to President Johnson; it was also a museum of modern American political history. No matter which side of aisle you sit on, a visit to a presidential library and a glimpse into history is always a worthwhile diversion.

After essentially three days of bbq binging, for dinner we decided to cleanse our palates with a change of culinary pace; what better way to re-boot than with Chinese food in Texas!

Marty was familiar with a small chain called “Pei Wei”; a quick-serve Chinese restaurant owned and operated by P.F. Changs. For you dedicated readers, I am not a huge fan of P.F., but I’m willing to give peace a chance, and so we went to Pei Wei. Honest assessment-pretty fine, especially for a semi-counter service establishment. Marty and I agreed-it’s similar to “Panera Bread”, except it’s Chinese instead of sandwiches.

When you enter, you come upon a colorful digital menu board, listing the menu items and showing you video of the food itself. You approach the counter, and order. Upon completing your order, the cashier hands you a number, which you display on your table, and a few minutes later, a server brings you the food. Quick, but fresh, hot and tasty!

Finally, what better way to end the day than with a little ice cream. Thanks to our trusty friend Garmin, he was able to locate an “Amy’s Ice Cream” for us. Amy’s reminded me a lot of “Bart’s” in Amherst, or the old, funky “Steve’s” before they went corporate. They do the whole “mixing ice cream and ingredients on a slab of marble” thing, but my small coffee ice cream tasted terrific just the way it was.

So another day of consumption came to an end, with more to come on our final day…as we prepared to depart, we planned our final stop…the County Line in Austin. Would it live up to expectations?

Until next time America…eat well, eat often.

A man with a plan...

2011-04-22T22:18:00.007-04:00

We arose Saturday morning with a plan…touring the Hill Country of Texas gorging ourselves on the best bbq we could find. Having done our research ahead of time, and travelling with someone who lived in Texas for a while, we agreed that the day had to begin again in Lockhart. So, with Imodium and Pepto Bismol in hand and a Venti Iced Coffee from Starbucks (basically, something to keep things moving, and another to shut it down, if necessary), we were off.

We drove the dusty roads on the outskirts of Austin again, arriving at Kreuz Market at 11:00am. You’d think it’s a little early for lunch, but since we hadn’t eaten breakfast yet, we figured we’d grab some early grub. Apparently we weren’t the only people with that idea. Even at 11:00am, there was a wait to get to the meat counter. There must have been a reason for this, and we soon discovered it…it’s called “BBQ”.

Kreuze was a very different experience from Black’s. Black’s was small, intimate roadhouse, where you might end up sitting at a table next to the owners. Kreuz was a giant warehouse of a place… cavernous, with giant communal tables. However, that cavern housed some of the best brisket I’ve ever tasted. I suggest it was only incrementally better than Black’s…small nuances separate “the best” from “the very best”, but sitting at a communal table, eating perfectly cooked brisket, with the proper balance of fat, crust and beef…heaven on butcher paper.

Oddly, I took note of some people sitting at a table near us. An hour later, when we walked in to Black’s to purchase our requisite T-shirt, I saw those same people now enjoying the best that Black’s had to offer. This is what people do there-eat bbq!

After a brief tour of the Hill Country of Texas, we ended up at “The Salt Lick” in Driftwood. “Driftwood” is really just another name for “Nowhere” .

As I mentioned, The Salt Lick and Adam Richman’s gluttony were the foundational elements for this trip. The Salt Lick and it’s indoor open pit (see pictures) set the stage for an enticement that caused me to book a flight, hotel and rental car, and drive into the middle of nowhere with one of my closest friends while “Dueling Banjos” played in my head.

While the food didn’t quite live up to my wildest imagination, it certainly felt good to be sitting there eating that food. It was the same feeling from Black’s and one that would repeat itself several times this weekend: the “I can’t believe I’ve been seeing this place on TV all these years and I’m finally eating here” sensation that can’t be adequately described but needs to be experienced.

While the food was quite good, it wasn’t quite the “better” of any one thing, except the ambiance. I give it high marks for the ambiance mostly for the location, the indoor open pit and the live blues band playing outside for the patrons that had an hour and half wait ahead of them. Despite not being the best of the food, it’s a must-see on the bbq tour and I am excited for a return trip.

Later that night, back in Austin, we decided to walk up to “6th Street”, the club/bar/restaurant strip which is a cross between Bourbon Street in New Orleans, Duval Street on Key West, and De Wallen in Amsterdam. As a friend said, “it’s hard to describe-you just need to see it”. He wasn’t wrong.

While “clubbing” wasn’t our thing that night (or ever), we did have a pleasant walk up and down the street. Over a five-block area, there were bars and clubs with live bands, acoustic performers, hip-hop disc jockeys and motorcycle gangs, but not once did we feel threatened or uncomfortable. I call it “controlled chaos” and credit a strong police presence for the sense of safety. I also have to say that in general, Texans are amongst the friendliest people I’ve encountered, and that goes for the motorcycle gang members we were chatting with that night as well.

The evening ended with a brief appearance on the “Jordan Rich Show”…2:00am EST! After a long hard day of eating and driving, I was happy to relax and share some thoughts with Jordan and the listening audience. On May 20, I’ll be back on the show, talking more about this trip, and other food topics.

The weekend will continue with the next post, but until then, enjoy “Easy Rider”.

Texas, part 2

2011-04-16T17:13:00.004-04:00

Don’t think we ended Friday with just lunch…that would be like putting down a “Playboy” after looking at one picture. So I’ve heard.

Upon our entry into Austin, we checked in to a very upscale “Marriott Courtyard” down by the Convention Center, and only 2 blocks down from the in/famous “6th Street”. The quality of the hotel was enhanced by the presence of a full-service Starbucks in the lobby. I really love Texas.

Friday afternoon, we took a walk several blocks up to the Texas State House. While we really just popped our heads in, on the way out, we ran into this guy…clearly someone who had issues with lawyers. We chatted, and he was a funny guy. Told me he was “takin’ it to the streets”. Must be a Doobie Brothers fan…or just a fan of the “doobie”, as far as I could smell.

We opted for “Tex-Mex” on Friday night at the “Texas Chili Parlor”; an inner-city roadhouse. Very good chili, washed down with a couple of enchiladas and a Shiner Bock. A party in my mouth.

After dinner, we rode over to “H-E-B Central Market”, a very upscale supermarket on the order of “Whole Foods”, but with an even more extensive selection of produce and dry goods, as well as bulk spices and other items. It even had it’s own restaurant and ice cream stand/coffee bar. Great to visit and see what markets are like down south.

A long weekend of bbq debauchery awaited for us. The next day, another pilgrimage to Lockhart, and then a road trip ending in Driftwood. It was time to regroup and get ready to rumble, at least with my digestive system...

2011-04-15T23:07:00.007-04:00

It was a noontime arrival on a warm afternoon. The wind buffeted the plane violently as we came in for a landing, but when I walked in to the terminal, I wanted to kiss the ground; not in thanks for the safe landing, but in thanks for my arrival at the barbecue Mecca known as Austin, Texas. It was “game on”.

Last weekend was Marty and Eric’s Excellent BBQ Binge Fest, brought about by a mutual viewing of “Man v. Food” and Adam Richman’s visit to the Salt Lick BBQ in Driftwood, a farm about 20 miles outside of the Austin City Limits. For context, Marty was my roommate from my freshman year in college at Northeastern, before I journeyed westward to Amherst, and we’ve remained close for 27 years. On this trip, we not only survived, we thrived, and can now tell the tales of our weekend in Austin, and no, it won’t read like a letter to “Penthouse Forum”.

There’s a lot to tell…too much for one blog post. So, I think I’ll go day by day. We crammed a lot in on this trip, on the odometer of our car and in our colons.

As soon as we left the airport, it was time for a quick 30 mile drive to Lockhart, TX, the literal barbecue capitol to Texas, as named by the Texas State Legislature. Our first destination was “Black’s”…don’t know why, but there was something pulling us in. We passed “Kreuz Market”, a destination for the next day, and turned right down a dusty side road and pulled right up to the front door of “Black’s”. When we opened the front door, the sweet and pungent odor of smoke hit us in the face like a velvet glove. It was both a slap, and a caress, and we knew that we were about to experience something sublime.

As we found out, like most barbeque joints in Texas, Black’s is semi-self-serve, ordered by the increments of pounds, like at a deli counter. Grab a tray, walk up and tell them what you want. In my case, it was “two slices of a brisket and a beef rib, please”. Seeing is believing, so check out the picture to the right. A new expression has been coined: “Food Porn” or “Forn” for short. If there is such a thing as “forn”, this is surely it, and I assure you, it felt and tasted as good as it looks.

Eating at Black’s was like having sushi in Japan, kimchi in South Korea, a croissant in Paris, schwarma in Jerusalem or coffee at the Pike Place Market in Seattle. It was a transcendent moment; one that almost cannot be described but must be experienced.

On a whim, after we ate, we asked if we could get a tour of the “pit”, or for the uninitiated, the smoker. The pit-master could not have been nicer, taking us back into the smoke room/kitchen, explaining his whole process, the temperature, the different meats and times, and the wood used to impart the sublime essence.

It was a great end, to the great beginning; I said to Marty as we walked out, if I didn’t have any more barbecue the rest of the weekend, I was all-right.

As the slogan on the t-shirt says: “Take me back to Black’s”. Right now.

Binge-Fest 2011

2011-04-02T16:26:00.002-04:00

Just a reminder, I launch into field work next weekend, and will be sharing my travels, and trevails of the BBQ Binge-Fest 2011 with you, here on Criticalpalate.com and on WBZ1030am. Feel free to tune in for my live remote next Sunday morning at 2:00am on WBZ1030.com of 1030AM.

My Dinner With Andre'

2011-04-02T10:42:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of having a quiet dinner with one of my oldest and closest friends. The food was really irrelevant to the opportunity to spend some time with him, but so surprisingly good that I feel I need to review the restaurant.

The “Ugly Duckling” is on the top floor of a converted farmhouse on Route 20 in Sturbridge, where after dinner, you can head over to Old Sturbridge Village for a “group churn”. Downstairs is a high-end place called the “Whistling Swan”, and upstairs, a more casual and relaxed environment.

Having been there years ago for lunch, I remembered it as a sandwich and burger place. It still may be, for lunch, but it has turned to quite a bit more at dinner.

We arrived on a rainy Thursday night, to a fairly empty house. The setting is rather pleasant. As I said, since it’s in an old farmhouse, the post and beam construction was exposed, and the wide-plank pine flooring added to the authenticity. The service was prompt and attentive, and the menu offered a variety of moderately upscale choices, but with reasonable price points. An added bonus-live entertainment by local musicians. That night was a saxophonist and an upright bass player. Quite polished and very entertaining.

That evening, we enjoyed an appetizer of Truffle-Parmesan Fries along with our salads. I ordered “Roasted Chicken Breast” which is described as a lightly smoked statler chicken, served with creamy parmesan polenta, sautéed spinach and balsamic-cinnamon cherries. My friend ordered the Cracker Crusted Haddock  Sautéed vegetable orzo, Meyer lemon and fresh herbs. The service was attentive but not intrusive, and both dishes were well executed and tasty. We give it two forks up.

I have to say, The Ugly Duckling Loft was a pleasant surprise along the mean streets of Sturbridge. A while there, I had to wonder-what goes clip clop, bang bang, clip clop, bang bang? An Old Sturbridge Village Drive-By…

You’ve been great. Enjoy Jay Beckenstein.

Must Not See TV

2011-04-02T10:04:00.004-04:00

As I get ready to depart on some Palate field work, I've been wonder: whatever happened to “Must See TV”, the classic NBC advertising campaign back in the 90s? We were urged to tune in to NBC on Thursday nights and we could sense that we were watching real classics in the making. Whether it was the Cheers, Seinfeld, Wings, Friends or Mad About You, it was practically appointment television.

Back then, if you might not be home, you had to learn how to split the atom and program your vcr to “tape” these shows, and watch them some other time. Now, most people I know have a DVR or TIVO, which has made missing shows a non-issue. You can DVR the higher-quality shows and watch them at your leisure, leaving the networks to fill all the rest of the empty time, hoping to grab your attention. As a result, I think the combination of cable and TIVO have caused the dearth of quality TV.

Back in the day, there were only 3 networks and a handful of cable stations. Most of the cable entries were HBO, Cinemax and the like, ESPN and CNN with Headline News. Having cable tv really meant that you got a static free signal and didn’t have to worry about adjusting rabbit ears…it did not mean an offering of a garbage meant to makes your eyes and ears bleed.

Sadly, I think that is the current state of television today. At “Palate Palace”, we have the “Dish Network” and subscribe to “America’s Top 200” with our local channels. As I have written before, what this really offers me is 200 channels of nothingness…the non-fat, decaf skim lattes of television (might as well order a cup of air). Sometimes I feel I’m better off watching a blank screen.

For those of you willing to take a chance with your brain cells, feel free to tune into Nickelodeon. Back when cable was fresh, “Nick at Nite” was the repository for “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” or “The Bob Newhart Show”; you could also catch episodes of “The Odd Couple” and other classics. As cable grew and the channel line-up expanded, and Nickelodeon and Disney expanded from 1 channel to 118, the need for new programming became paramount. There are only so many repeats of the old shows people will watch, and certainly younger viewers weren’t tuning in for repeats of “The Patti Duke Show”. So, along comes “Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide”, “Zoey 101” and “Big Time Rush” (a brief digression-I am not sure there has ever been a worse show than “Big Time Rush”. A derivative rip-off of the all-time “classic” “The Monkees”, except without talent and without humor, and without the LSD-inspired bump-ins and bump-outs. Closing in fast in “Ned’s Declassified…” and “Zoey 101”) Spend time watching this junk and you might need professional help.

The more channels, the greater need to fill the air. So instead of high quality writing and acting, these stations dump the classics and instead we get “Victorious, “True Jackson, VP” and “Shake it Up”. I dare you people to watch these shows.

I purposely left “Drake and Josh” and “ICarly” off the list. These shows border on “pretty ok”, as their comedy can be slightly subversive and attractive to both kids and adults. The producer, Dan Schneider, also produces “Zoey 101” and “Victorious”, proving the adage that even a blind chicken gets some grain now and then.

Overall, the simple economic theory of supply and demand has created a black hole of creativity in the development and execution of television. The more available television space, the greater the need to fill with “original” programming, the greater the likelihood that less skilled writers and creators will get a chance to put up shows like “Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide”. I’m not sure I can “survive” that much more…

Epilogue...

2011-02-06T10:58:00.003-05:00

The Junior Palette was unable to keep her dinner down; this morning was "colorful" to say the least. Her comment when she was done: "tell people not to order the fish and chips at the Wildwood".

You've been warned.

Wildwood-not

2011-02-05T22:49:00.002-05:00

Some nights, you’re better off staying home and eating leftovers. For some reason, I felt compelled to dine-out tonight. It was just the four of us, and we decided on the “Wildwood” in Marlboro. Once a pleasant local steakhouse, now, if invited to go again, I would say “Wildwood-not”.

Normally, I dine, I think, I write. The process can range from a few hours to a few weeks. Tonight, it’s been a few minutes.

Let me start by saying that I had some concerns about going there. We went there a few weeks ago for an adult night out, and the service was unbelievably slow. I needed a haircut and shave by the time we were done, and people familiar with my hairline know that’s no mean feat. Not speaking for anyone of the other 7 adults in our party, I was whelmed. It was a harbinger for things to come.

Tonight we went and were seated promptly. That was the best part of the meal. Our tag-team servers also attended us to quickly. Maybe things would be different this time (why do I tease myself like this?). After a reasonable amount of time, we placed our order, and this seems to be where things went wrong. Without boring you with all the details, lets just say that things weren’t complicated. Junior Palate ordered his steak without bacon (it was a topping), and I made absolutely no changes to my order. I ordered the exact same meal I ordered two weeks ago-strip sirloin with pepper sauce, sautéed spinach and plain baked potato.

The food came, and there were a number of issues. First, JP’s steak came with the bacon on top. Not sure if this is a service issue, or a kitchen issue, but an issue nonetheless. You faithful readers know that we don’t dig on swine.

My meal was the train-wreck (of course). Two weeks ago, my steak came practically raw, so I sent it back. When they brought the steak back, it was done beyond “medium”, but most of our dining companions were almost done with the meal, so I choked it down. Tonight, it was the opposite-my steak was way overcooked. Oddly, the spinach was plain…as if it was steamed. No oil, no garlic, no flavor. Just steamed, plain. We let the staff know, and they took it away, and said that they would have a replacement out to me “right away”, with a healthy dose of attitude.

I have come to learn that “right away” really means “after everyone else in your party has completely finished their dinner and now will just be staring at you while you eat.” The lapse in time was so ridiculously long that I actually said to Mrs. Palate that I didn’t care if they came back and fed it to me, I was considering just telling them to take it away so we could out of there.

Right when I had given up all hope of eating a decent meal tonight, a gentleman appeared with my food. He looked like a managerial type, so I thought he might be a good person to discuss my disappointment with my experience at the Wildwood, not just tonight, but from 2 weeks ago. The steak also looked good. I was wrong on both counts.

Now, I’ve had a few of these sorts of conversations before. I know, you find it surprising. Usually, it’s more of a monologue, with some dialogue thrown in. I talk, they listen. Apparently, the modus operandi of the Wildwood is to be argumentative. I thought maybe I was mis-reading his affect, and thought he was being partially inquisitive, but I conferred with Mrs. Palate after he left, and she was shocked and put-off by his affect. It takes a lot to put Mrs. Palate off, so I knew I wasn’t mis-reading this. Having been in the restaurant business and having cooked for hundreds, maybe thousands, of people, I understand that the customer does not always understand what goes on in the kitchen; I assure you kind readers, I am not one of those people. I know all too well what happens behind those closed doors, and sometimes it isn’t pretty.

I was explaining was that 2 weeks ago, my steak came out twice on opposite ends of the spectrum, neither being the way I wanted. Note that I like my steak medium, which isn’t, or shouldn’t be, complicated, especially for a place that has “steakhouse” in their name. Lat visit, the steak was rare, and then well done; tonight, it was the opposite-well done and as it turns out, rare enough that I couldn’t eat most of the second steak (I did eat a portion of the steak, because the edge pieces were done, but as you got to the center, I could see that it was just not done, even medium rare). This is just not acceptable, and really requires some serious re-training of the staff. At least give someone a meat thermometer. I cook with one at home…maybe they should try it.

In addition, I pointed out to this gentleman that the spinach was a puzzle to me. I merely ordered it off the menu…nothing special. But it came totally plain, steamed. He was incredulous…that is impossible, because they don’t steam the spinach, he says. “It goes in the pan” was his refrain. Ok, but in the pan usually goes garlic and oil, and maybe salt. What I was saying is that the spinach was just wrong…it was steamed. I picked it up off the plate and felt it. No oil, no garlic, no salt. It was barely wilted, but you could tell water had touched it, but nothing else. Once again he said but “it goes in the pan. We don’t steam the spinach.” Ok, keep saying it enough and maybe you’ll believe it, but I can only repeat myself so much. This had quickly become a waste of time.

What it comes down to is this: when a customer raises an issue, even if you disagree or think you know better, you say “I’m sorry, and I’ll address this with my staff”. Feel free to ignore me when you walk away, but don’t stand there and try to defend/argue. By the way, you won’t win points, or the argument, with me. I’m a professional.

The manager did come back and check on the steak, but about half way through this second steak, I could tell that I couldn’t eat a good portion of this, so when the waitress returned, I just told her to take it away and bring an end to my misery. She offered a free desert, but for reasons known to most, we passed on that, but when she brought the check, she told me that she had taken the steak off the bill. Uh yeah.

Nothing burns me more than playing a premium for dinner, only to leave feeling underfed and underserved. I always say that I would gladly pay full price and tip handsomely rather than leave unfulfilled. Given this evening’s experience, along with the “whelming” meal from two weeks ago, I see no reason to return anytime soon. Tonight’s meal, coupled with the discussion with the manager, left me realizing why it is better to eat at home than waste time (and money) at places like the Wildwood. Stay away, or at least lower your expectations, but expect to open your wallet.

Once again, for a local, expertly executed steakhouse, head to downtown Shrewsbury and enjoy a meal at Willy’s Steakhouse and Sushi.

Road Trip

2011-01-31T21:54:00.002-05:00

Almost daily (at least in my head), one of you palateers comes to me and says “Critical, why aren’t you doing more fieldwork, travelling more like Adam Richman and Guy Fieri?” People often confuse Guy and me.

Well, I am pleased to announce the first-ever “Critical Palate Road Trip”. I don’t yet have a catchy name, so feel free to offer up your ideas.

With special dispensation from Mrs. Palate, and the Chief Rabbi, I will be embarking on the road trip in the Spring. I, along with a charter subscriber, will be heading to the Hill Country of Texas and to Austin, to sample what is purported to be the best BBQ in the world. With our itinerary planned to hit Austin, Driftwood and Lockhart, Texas, in a short 4 day time-frame, we expect to sample bbq at approximately 8 distinct locations.

As an added bonus, I will be calling into the WBZ to The Jordan Rich Show to discuss a little of our fieldwork.

As departure becomes imminent, more details will be shared. But for now, stay hungry my friends.

Delington

2011-01-31T21:50:00.004-05:00

In the spirit of comfort foods, a few of the charter subscribers and I have a sick obsession with the “Wellington”. It started with a knish (a Jewish version of a mini beef wellington), then the stuffed knish (using the knish as the “bread” for your sandwich), and has now grown into an outright fetish.

As I embarked on the comfort food quest, I harkened back to my youth and the traditional foods served at most family events. A beef or potato knish was always front and center on the appetizer tray, so as I expanded my palate, and after tasting a beef wellington, I knew that a better knish could be made. For years, this knish-wish would lie dormant, but after receiving an email from the Crown Supermarket in Hartford, the “Delington” was born. This would be an opportunity to achieve stuffed dough enlightenment (in my mind, but not likely in my colon). The least that would happen would be an opportunity to eat some puff pastry.

The “Delington” entered this world on New Year’s Eve 2010. The first attempt was a sheet of puff pastry laid out, with some ketchup and mustard slathered on, then layers of corned beef, turkey and salami, with the mustard and ketchup mixture slathered between each layer. Then we rolled it and baked it for about a half hour. We served it in slices, and it wasn’t bad, not bad at all.

Trying to improve, the very next night we embarked on an attempt to do better. This time, we laid out the puff pastry, mixed bbq sauce and brown mustard, with a little kick, then layered on the corned beef, then turkey, and then pastrami. We believed that the latent sweetness of the puff pastry and the bbq sauce needed to be “cut” with the spicier brown mustard and the peppery pastrami. Instead of rolling it (as a “Swiss Deli Roll”) we just layered another sheet of pastry over the top, then baked it for about a half hour. This took the “Delington” from being pretty good, to sublime.

This may make its way into the menu for our holiday dinners going forward.

Stay hungry my friends.

Comfort Quest

2011-01-31T21:41:00.004-05:00

Thanks to Jordan Rich for having me on WBZ this past weekend talking “comfort foods” with you and the nationwide audience. I can’t of too many things more fun than talking food through the wee hours of the morning.

As I waddled my way around comforting myself with foods, I came to the realization that unless I could choose a specific “comfort” food to compare, I would just be feeding at the trough, so to speak. With that in mind, I tried to eat a variety of different foods that people would consider “comfort foods”.

I suppose “comfort foods” are foods that make you feel good. Maybe you’re feeling a little down because I haven’t written much lately, or maybe you’re coming in from a cold commute home, or from shoveling (which here in Massachusetts, we’ll be doing in July). In any event, there are just some times you want something to make you say “ahhhh”. For some people, it could be as simple as a cup of hot chocolate, but for others, it’s real food. Though no day would be started properly without a hot cup of coffee, the stronger the better.

With my ethnicity, as I mentioned in an earlier post, chicken soup, the namesake for the book series, is among the top comfort foods in my book. There are several others: meatloaf, mashed potatoes, gravy…anything with gravy! While mac and cheese is among many people’s favorites, I love things with melted cheese on them, but not a giant fan of mac and cheese. I did sample a variety of mac and cheese, and I do love a crispy crumb topping, but when it comes to melted cheese, I am partial to a grilled cheese sandwich. Enter “Cheeseboy”.

“Cheeseboy” is an interesting concept…a quick-serve kiosk in South Station in Boston that serves a few varieties of grilled cheese sandwiches, along with a soup or two. Soda and a bag of chips rounds out the menu. When it comes to a winter day, a long cold train ride into or out of the city, nothing says “Welcome to the daily grind” like a grilled cheese from “Cheeseboy”.

The factor that interests me is the price point. At under four dollars for the just the sandwich, is this a concept that people are willing to pay for? Two slices of bread and three slices of cheese, and maybe a slice of tomato, can be made at home for about 75 cents. Will people pay $3.99 for essentially a “snack”? Time will tell, but if you read this article from the Boston Globe, you’ll see that the founder is trying to take the comfort food grilled cheese to the masses and is doing fairly well.

For me, meatloaf and mashed potatoes, with lots of mushroom gravy is a real winner. There’s something very comforting, and filling, eating a nice piece of meatloaf sitting on top of mashed potatoes with a small lake of gravy. Just about every diner known to man-kind, including my father’s, serves meatloaf. Some much better than others. Diners, by their very nature are designed to offer comfort food, and comfort. Chatty waitresses, gruff, but loveable (at some places), line cooks (“Order up”…), hearty, filling foods, like meatloaf…diners scream “comfort”.

Then there are sit-down places that can cultivate a recipe, like meatloaf, and take it to a higher plain. I personally like an all-beef meatloaf, but many places add pork or ground veal. If you watch that clown Emeril, formerly of the food network, he preached the three-meat combo-veal, beef and pork. Personally, when talking comfort foods, I prefer simplicity. Places like “John Harvard’s Brew House” make a very pleasant all-beef meatloaf, served with garlic mashed potatoes, while the “Cottage” in Wellesley makes a pleasant meatloaf (even if they do add ground turkey) with sweet potatoes.

Growing up, was there anything better than a Swanson’s Chicken Pot Pie? I love CPP. I like a CPP with crust all the way around…top and bottom. Lots of places make a CPP with a giant piece of puff pastry across the top (like John Harvard’s), which is tasty, but not what I like. Harrow’s chicken pies has the thick, pie-like crust which is just perfect to hold in all the CPP goodness.

Speaking of pies, Shepard’s pie is a big winner for me. Seasoned ground meat, covered with either corn or peas, then covered in mashed potatoes. Baked like a pie, with the potatoes as a top crust….yum. Put gravy on this, and it’s pure heaven on a plate; a party in your mouth. Desmond O’Malley’s, late of Framingham, and the Kinsale, in Boston, make decent Shepard’s Pie. Also British Beer works.

Thanksgiving-the ultimate comfort food holiday. Is’t it all about eating and sleeping? I think that what the Pilgrims were thinking…let’s eat ourselves stupid, watch the Detroit Lions lose, and take a nap. What says “comfort” more than a big roast, massive plate of mashed potatos, squash, a thick green bean casserole, followed up with apple pie. I’m surpised I survive this holiday every year.

Of course, there are people who love soups…chicken soup, chili, beef stew.

Each ethnicity has their own versions of comfort foods. Greek food includes Mousaka, Pastikio; Italian food has Lasagna, Spaghetti and meatballs, red wine… Bella Costa in Framingham is my Italian restaurant of choice. Though some people like the Olive Garden, if their slogan, “when you’re here, you’re family” is true, then you must part of the Mansons.

There are so many to mention, the list could go on for weeks, but I encourage all of you to get out there and eat what makes you feel good.

Until next time...stay hungry my friends.

How do you want to pay?

2011-01-15T21:58:00.002-05:00

I have blogged in the past about different clerical behaviors that intrigue and puzzle me. Tonight was a new one on me.

I had to stop in to “Sudbury Farms” in Sudbury to grab a couple of items. For you uninitiated, this is an upscale, and overpriced supermarket, with a goofy name. The only “farm” here is the “money farm”, because you’ll need a tractor load of cash to shop here…

So, lucky for me, my purchase of 3 bagels was slightly under $10, and I just happened to have a $10 bill in my wallet. I took out the bill, and when the cashier told me the total, I handed him the bill. He looked at it, and said “how do you want to pay tonight”?

I’m just wondering: has he never seen cash before?

Is this what society has come to: all plastic all the time? It seems that the use of cash has gone the way of being able to actually count back change.

What would Alexander Hamilton think?

Feeding at the trough...

2011-01-01T17:52:00.003-05:00

So I was walking around Whole Foods the other day getting lunch, when I heard a whiny 4 year old complaining that she was hungry. Her mother turned to her and said, “hold on”. The mother then proceeded to walk to prepared foods counter and say to the clerk “may I try a sample of the cheese pizza. No need to warm it up.” The clerk cut a generous “sample” and the woman took it, turned to her daughter, handed it to her and said “here you go”, and they walked away.

Now I’m the last person to defend retail establishments, but this action screams “chutzpah”! I mean, Whole Paycheck is in the business of selling food, and if you’re interested in a food item and can sample it ahead, the clerks are happy to oblige. But in this case, the woman wasn’t interested in buying pizza; she was interested in shutting her kid up and finishing her shopping. The store isn’t her own personal buffet; she probably also snacks at the salad bar. I just don’t like it when people feed at the trough as if it’s their right to the food, without paying for it.

Just one man’s opinion.

Merry New Year!

2011-01-01T02:16:00.002-05:00

From the staff at the "Critical Palate", here's wishing you a Merry 2011.

Coming soon, reviews and discussions about "comfort foods", and an appearance on The Jordan Rich show where my friend Jordan and I will be talking to you about some of the better places around here to eat comfort foods and get "comfortable".

Until then, stay hungry, my friends.

Chicken Soup

2010-12-12T20:46:00.003-05:00

There’s a reason that a best-selling self-help series of books is called “Chicken Soup for the…”. Chicken soup has been referred to as “Jewish Penicillin”, and with good reason-you feel good while eating it, and for a while after. Chicken soup holds a special place for sick adults and children everywhere…it’s the ultimate comfort food.

With that in mind, I’m rolling out my next food quest-Comfort Foods 2011…maybe “Quomfort Quest”?

No matter what the name, it should be delicious. My research, once again done for your pleasure, will culminate with an appearance on “The Jordan Rich Show” on January 29, 2011 from midnight-3:30 a.m. discussing all things comfort food. Feel free to post your thoughts here, or email me, and I’ll try to eat my way to comfort.

Until then, stay hungry my friends.

Berenstain Bears get religion…

2010-12-12T20:27:00.001-05:00

I recently saw a story that the publisher for the “Berenstain Bears” moved the bear books to their religious books division for a 12 book series, which issued some new titles, such as “The Berenstain Bears say their prayers” or “The Berenstain Bears go to Sunday School.”

The bears hold a special place in our house. Both my kids loved these stories, the videos and the read-along books on tape. Their wholesome (but not religious), humanistic message taught acceptance, respect, manners and positive family values. We love the Bears!

Over the years, I did notice that the cubs never really grew up. I think it’s high time that they do and the authors start writing about growing up in Bear County. I think there must be some bears from the wrong side of the woods…bad influences, so to speak. So sit a spell, grab a six-pack of “hard honey”, and enjoy some the new titles I’d like to see: “Sister Bear is caught ‘sexting’”; “Brother Bear tries ‘Crank’”; “That ain’t honey in Papa Bear’s jug” and “Mama Bear and her crystal meth lab…” Considering the Bears have been around since 1964, but just had another baby just a few years ago, maybe “Papa Bear gets a vasectomy” or “Mama Bear tries the NuvaRing” are in order.

I have a feeling the publisher will be going in a slightly different direction from my suggestion. Probably a good thing.

The final flight...

2010-11-02T21:09:00.005-04:00

So, to round out the wing wanderings, I went back to both "Wings Over...", a multi-location franchise, and "The Chicken Bone Saloon", a local joint in Framingham. What follows is mostly a re-print of my review from last year, since not much has changed, and my findings remain the same.

You can find out more about the “Wings Over…” franchise at their website. Since it began in Amherst, MA (long after my departure), I should be inclined to like it. Back when I was stalking the mean streets of Amherst (with some brass knuckles and a sock filled with a few rolls of quarters), the only choice was “Wings Express”, which was down a small alley behind the stores on North Pleasant Street, just around the corner from that bastion of fine Mexican dining…Taco Villa!

The “ambiance” of ‘Wings Over…” is like the ambiance of an airline hanger. Convenient, since they somehow try to confusingly incorporate an airplane theme. It is very industrial, and the Framingham location, located in an old car dealership, is mostly take-out with extremely limited seating. Thankfully, we employed the patented “stand over the people and make them uncomfortable” technique. However, I’ve seen fraternity house kitchen tables after a toga party that were cleaner…I felt bad for the girl working clean-up.

The few times I’ve been, I’ve ordered the “Cajun Blackened” and the “buffalo”. The Cajun is a dry-spiced wing, as opposed to the sopping wet wings you get at most places. The cajun wings were fried, then re-spiced and grilled over a flame, I think. There was a good ratio, 50/50 of “flats” or “wings” to “drummies”; they were tasty and meaty, and I give them good marks. Other than the limited seating, I recommend “Wings Over….” I also liked the buffalo sauce, but I admit I’m not rushing back, but mostly because there’s so little seating.

While still holding on to fresh memories of Wings Over Framingham (and probably the wings themselves), I was enticed to go to The Chicken Bone Saloon (aka “The Bone”), less than a mile from “Wings Over…”. The Bone has been there for years…I remember going there once, when I felt tougher. It’s in an area of Framingham that is literally “on the other side of the tracks” and if you went, you went down two steps, physically, and socially (I know, I beat this joke to death). Glad to say, while still a bar room, it is much more family-friendly, and becoming so popular that they’ve opened a second seasonal location right near Fenway Park ( and now closed…apparently, not as popular as I thought). Check out The Bone here!

The Bone has a very extensive menu…reminding me a bit of the Anchor Bar, both in choices, and décor. After much consideration, I ordered the “garlic hot” (which is traditional hot Buffalo sauce with added garlic) with a side of “thermonuclear”; Sterling got boneless wings with traditional hot Buffalo. With nervous anticipation, we opened the to-go cartons, and were duly impressed. The aroma was sublime and they were still scorching hot and fresh. First impressions: these really held up well in take-out containers, and they were very appetizing looking. Second impressions: very meaty and fresh. What was especially impressive was that the skin was still crisp even though they were doused in sauce-that can be hard trick to pull off, and they did it well.

Other impressions: the ratio of flats to drummies was not aligned. In an 8 piece order, I had 3 flats and 5 drummies (must have been from Chernobyl chicken!). Doesn’t much matter to me, since I like both parts equally, but I just thought it would be even. Also, “The Bone” tosses in a tremendous handful of carrots and some celery, whereas “Wings Over…” just gives a couple pieces of celery (and what do you do, if you’re like me and hate celery?). Also, “Wings Over…” gives you a food service container of blue cheese dressing, about the size of a shot glass with a hermetically sealed foil cover. “The Bone” gives you a cup twice that size (the size of a kid’s beverage), filled with chunky blue cheese dressing…advantage “The Bone”.

To be the champ, you gotta beat the champ…locals who claimed the Bone was on to something were right, “The Bone” wins, in quality of packaging, crispness after saucing, quantity of veggies, and menu choices. That’s not to say that “Wings Over…” isn’t good-they are, but even with a tie in wing quality, the tie has to be broken with the veggies, packaging, etc...

Honorable mention- Sichuan Gourmet with locations in Billerica, Framingham and Brookline. You can’t think of a fried chicken wing without thinking about Chinese food. The ubiquitous wing has been part of Americanized Chinese Food since Marco Polo brought pasta to Italy…Sichuan Gourmet has taken that wing to a new level.

Sichuan is the place to go if you like traditional Sichuan cuisine, which basically means “spicy”. While they offer regular wings on the menu, they also offer the mysteriously named “Spicy Fried Chicken Wings”. We’ve been ordering these ever since Sichuan opened, and they are fantastic. These are entirely different from a Buffalo wing. They are fried, then tossed in a garlic-chili oil, then garnished with hot green peppers and scallions. Wow, absolutely delcious, but like an inferno in your mouth. Do not eat these if you have a canker sore, or had dental work, but when you eat them, the endorphins do take over.

No doubt, my mother has stopped reading this by now. But if she happens to still be reading at this point, don’t worry, my next food venture is into salads (yeah, right!).

Now go out and eat some wings.

Flying high...

2010-11-01T21:49:00.006-04:00

Caution, the photos you are about to see may be real, and delicious...

In addition to the Burrito Battle, I also embarked on a sister-quest: Wing Whirlwind…in my mind, you can’t go wrong washing down burritos with some deep-fried buffalo wings.

My methodology for wings was a little different than for burritos. I will discuss and compare wings from wherever consumed. The process for making wings is the same whether at a sit-down restaurant or a barroom-you take chicken wings, fry them, sauce them, and serve them. Takes the same time and basically follows the same procedure. No place was disqualified.

There are a couple of camps for wings…drumettes vs. flats, breaded vs. plain, bone-in vs. boneless, blue cheese vs. ranch. I visited a boneless chicken farm in Pennsylvania once, and it wasn’t pretty...poor little bastards.

I like both the drummies and the flats, and I like them without breading…au naturale, if you will. And I like it on the bone. The boneless “wing” is really the ugly stepchild of bar food. Too many places, almost all on my list, use a breaded boneless cutlet that has been flattened to almost non-existance, and coated in a thick crumb coasting…pretty much right off the Sysco truck. The exception-the Chicken Bone in Framingham which uses a fresh hunk of chicken that they hand-bread.

The buffalo wing battle for supremacy could go on all day and night. It seems that everywhere thet sell appetizers there is some version of a chicken wing. Having eaten hundreds of wings for you, hungry readers, I can honestly say, unlike burritos, that could eat hundreds more. There is something tasty, yet unfilling, with wings. I could eat them until the boneless chickens come home.

Without further ado, here is a list of places where I ate buffalo wings, with comments (of course)…

Uno’s-this place always surprises me in that these franchises can pull off their food as well as they do. Uno’s has different burgers and the usual pub food, as you all know, but they have a very pleasant wing. The offer a “Wing 3-Way” (I suppose a rooster’s dream come true), but in reality, it’s nine buffalo wings with a choice of three wings with 3 sauces each. I usually just stick with the buffalo sauce, but recently tried some with buffalo-garlic romano. Delish, but stand back.

Acapulcos is a Mexican restaurant chain with locations all over Massachusetts. They serve a wing for an appetizer, which is quite substantial an order, but I wouldn’t call them buffalo wings. The wings are heavily breaded, no sauce, and fired to a crispy brown. They are tasty, and very crunchy, but without sauce, it’s just fried chicken.

British Beer Company-not terrible, but not impressive for a place that bills itself as a pub. What better pub food is there than a buffalo wing. At a place like this, the wing better be very good, but here they are just ok, but not very large or meaty.

Truants in Woodstock, NH. This is a barroom’s bar, with a dining room in the lower level. The wings were ok, but not excellent. As my son says, a bar has to know how to do wings, and if there’s anyone who should know about barrooms, it’s a 14 and a half year old boy.

Common Man in Lincoln, NH, with other locations statewide. We ate dinner in the pub that night. The pub was a great environment…unlimited cheese and crackers, sitting on couches or easy chairs. There is a giant stone fireplace in the pub, and I can imagine that during the winter, a roaring fire where they can have virgin sacrifices. Besides home-made potato chips, all I ate were wings and these were great wings…meaty, fresh...highly recomended.

Moat Mountain in North Conway, NH. As you readers of my earlier posts know, I love the Moat Mountain Smokehouse. I always have a decent meal there, and these wings did not dissapoint. They were excellent, especially the spicy honey chipotle version

Buff’s Pub in Newton Corner, Massachusetts. This place has the reputation of the Anchor Bar in Buffalo. Any buffalo wing train has to stop at the Buff’s Pub station. I can tell you that the wings did not dissapoint-the wings were hot, meaty, and covered in finger-licking goodness. Unfortunately, while close to the top of the wing food chain, the “boneless” wing was a pedestrian processed cutlet off the back of a food service delivery truck. Buff’s Pub was “almost, but not quite”.

Firefly’s with multiple locations locally. Any regular reader or listener knows that I am not a fan of their food. Their bbq is blasé’, to say the least, but they do make a nice wing. The wings are not fried, nor served buffalo style, but they are humongous…like Chernobyl Chicken wings. They are smoked, then grilled a little to char them up. Served with buffalo sauce (and other sauces from the condiment bar) I give these high marks, though the rest of the menu isn’t executed nearly as well.

Whole Paycheck-though their burritos are nearly perfect, their wings on the food bar are terrible. Wings on a steam table are impossible to keep hot or remotely fresh…I say walk on by.

Speaking of walking by, I urge you never to order the wings at the Union Street Bar and Grill, Newton Centre. Without a doubt, the worst wings I had during this quest. The were very slow to come out of the kitchen, and even though they were ordered as an appetizer, they came out after all the other food hit the table. They looked good, and they appeared hot, but one bite, and looks were very deceiving. The skin was rubbery, and the flavor had an off-putting taste. I offered them around the table of 8 other hungry people, and everyone declined. Not a good sign. They were so bad that I posted on Facebook my warning about these from the table, with picture. Their other food might be good (and I say “might”, because I also had to return my salad since I had ordered it without the hair “garnish”). It was a bad day overall for Union Street.

Almost like going to the Western Wall in Jerusalem, no trip to the buffalo wing holy land could be complete without a trip to the Anchor Bar in Buffalo, NY. I almost got chills as we walked in, but that could have been because it was August and they had the air conditioning on…For me, eating at the Anchor Bar was almost as cool as meeting Thurgood Marshall, since the both had a lasting impact on America, in their own ways.

The Archor Bar claims to be the inventor of the Buffalo wing. Since they are located in Buffalo, I have to give them credit for being the first place in Buffalo to sauce their wings, but you can’t tell me no one ever thought of putting sauce on a piece of fried chicken before 1964??? Nevertheless, I have no complaints about the Anchor Bar wings-hot, meaty, saucy, and the “original”.

The leads us to the two other joints local to me. I reveiewed these a few years back, before I went on the “Wing Wander”. I found that nothing had changed, and the earlier comments still apply. I offer you an edited version of that post tomorrow…

In the battle of Man vs. Burrito, Burrito won

2010-10-31T22:20:00.007-04:00

While I entertain you with a variety of burritos...warning, these are actual photos of burritos consumed during this research...

So, by the time I rounded the turn for the home stretch (and resulting stretch marks…) in the Burrito Battle, I was huffing and puffing to the finish line. In the battle of Man vs. Burrito, Burrito won. But of course, the carb coma didn’t stop me from sampling the wares of several popular places, and a few not so popular ones.

Both Boloco and Chipotle are within a 5 minute drive from my office. For a long time, Boloco was the only burrito game in town, and for a long time, I was primarily a Boloco fan; I was loco for the burrit-o. The nice thing about Boloco was they have different sizes, and whole wheat tortillas as opposed to just white flour tortillas. Also, with an extensive menu, you really had millions of choices. However, when Chipotle opened within walking distance of Boloco, a few things became immediately apparent.

First, more menu choices means more chances for mistakes. As I have previously noted, the more choices, the more room for error. The more I ate at Boloco, the more issues I had. Consistency became an issue. While I liked the perceived healthier options (wheat tortilla and brown rice), sometimes I wondered what I ordered, and whether I ordered a small or a large. At Chipotle, choices are limited, and they don’t give you any choices for brown rice or tortillas, but their speed and ability to make the burritos consistently is a by-product of their limited choices. It’s a business plan decision, but one that seems to work well for Chipotle.

Second, some things aren’t meant to be in a burrito. Variety is the “spice of life”, but I have to imagine they don’t eat a lot of “thai peanut chicken” in a whole wheat tortilla in Bangkok. Buffalo chicken with blue cheese and celery just doesn’t make it for me, or probably people in Buffalo.

I do give Boloco high marks for their sense of humor, their creative email updates, and their tremendously responsive customer service, including rapid personalized responses from their CEO. I downgrade them for their lousy selection of bagged tortilla chips.

I give Chipotle decent marks for their chips, which are cooked fresh on-site, and their lime-salt added to them. I like the bigger pieces of chicken, and that you can order off-menu items like quesadillas.

As for ratings, I think these two run neck and neck. Some people like the million options at Boloco, some people like the simplicity of Chipotle. Almond Joy has nuts, Mounds don’t…

But, the winner was not one of the burrito specialty shops. Not a little bodega with a burrito lunch business. The winner, after dozens of burritos, is exactly where you would have expected: Whole Foods supermarket.

That’s right, “Whole Paycheck” has the freshest, most delicious burritos, custom made fresh to order.

I was shocked myself, so much so, that I went back a second time to ensure it wasn’t a fluke; it was not. There are several tortilla choices, different rice (white or borwn), beans (black or pinto), salsas, fresh vegetables and toppings. Since Whole Paycheck is known for their freshness (as well as their prices), it was a particular surprise that a full sized burrito costs only $4.99, a better deal that any of the burrito places. Adding to the value is that since the burrito bar is slightly under-patronized, the employees take a reasonable amount of time making the burrito, getting you out promptly, but assembling the belly bomb in the appropriately balanced fashion. Just take a look at the photo, with the proper balance of rice, beans, meat, veggies…this is a work of art.

After months of burrito sampling, the winner and top of the burrito food pyramid…Whole Foods.

I do believe this is the first time I’ve said this after a food quest-if I ever have another burrito, it will be too soon.

For your consideration, I leave you with this image: a salami stuffed with a meat, cheese and bean burrito, all wrapped in bacon. I call it "Salburcon"...one picture says a million coronaries.

Flying in next...chicken wings. Stay tuned.

Won't You take me to...Funky Town

2010-10-28T22:33:00.004-04:00

Memories...pressed between the pages of my mind
Memories...sweetened thru the ages just like wine

Recently, with all the mixed publicity regarding the great state University, I have found myself thinking about Amherst more than usual. Perhaps it was the unfortunate passing of the great George Parks (it seems whether it was emails from alumni groups, Drum Corps International, or Facebook, tributes, well-deserved, were everywhere), or the ramp-up to the Colonial Classic this past weekend at Gillette Stadium, I really miss Amherst.

There was something special about Amherst. The “Five College” area (UMass, Amherst College, Hampshire College, Mt. Holyoke and Smith) had it’s own sensibility…let’s just say the Tea Party would not likely be warmly embraced.

Amherst was full of funky restaurants, bars and shops. I’ve seen some recent pictures of the downtown area, and it looks funkier than ever (and those that know me best often connect me and “funky”). As mentioned in an earlier post, I could not get enough Taco Villa, a little Mexican restaurant that was dirt cheap. To go, you needed to walk down a tiny alley, and go down two steps, physically and sociologically, but it was a typical college “cheap eats” and damn good at that.

Of course, Panda East was a pleasant Chinese restaurant, but Sze’s in North Hampton was the higher-end of the Chinese food chain. That was more of a special occasion restaurant, and their Sunday brunch was terrific. My parents enjoyed Sze’s, as did I, and I note, an anonymous poster, whomever that was.

The area had it’s share of funky shops too. Northhampton had plenty of consignment clothing stores, along with antique shops. Amherst had the usual and sundry array, but I especially likes “Faces”, which defies description. I also recall that there was a place called “East Heaven Hot Tubs” in NoHo, where you could rent hot tubs by the half-hour…sort of like a Russian Bath House, but more private. You can let your own imagination work it’s magic with that concept…but it’s still in business, apparently catering to more of the “spa” aspect that drunk college kids…

No walk down memory lane would be complete without thinking about the places on campus that I frequented. Mentioned in previous posts-The Blue Wall, Dirtfoods (Earthfoods), Top of the Campus…

There were lots of places…whether on Route 9 in Hadley, downtown Amherst, NoHo or Sunderland (Bub’s!!!). I’m planning on taking the Junior Palate out to Amherst on November 6 for the football game and a little fraternity tailgating, and no doubt we’ll be heading into to Amherst for a post-game meal. I just hope the “sweetened” memories live up to their reputation…

2010-10-26T23:07:00.002-04:00

Thanks again to Jordan Rich for having me on his show to talk burritos and Buffalo wings. I appreciate all your calls, now get out there and eat some wings!

Burrito Bloat, Part 1

2010-10-26T22:39:00.004-04:00

As I wrote a year or so ago, there has been a proliferation of burrito joints. These places seem to be popping up with more frequency than “Tribbles” or Bob Costas. The burrito places are the rabbits of the food chain.

In the Metrowest, within a quarter mile of each other, Chipotle and Boloco battle for wrapped tortilla supremacy, and now Moe’s Southwest Grill, which features the “Homewrecker”, is planning to open in Sherwood Plaza. Even with such an appetizing name, people can’t get enough of burritos. I can tell you, having eaten at six different burrito joints, I have “Burrito Bloat”. If I eat another burrito, it will be too soon.

Despite my preferences, I wonder every time I pass on of these places…why? Why now, why here? Have we learned nothing from Dr. Atkins and reducing our consumption of “white” carbs? How healthy is a flour tortilla stuffed with rice and beans and some meat? Despite containing a full “recommended daily allowance” of carbohydrates, it hasn’t stopped people consuming these football-sized meals.

At the request of Jordan Rich, I embarked on the burrito crusade, a burrito battle, a burrito imbroglio, if you will, and ate at six different joints. My methodology was to eat and compare a “fast food” style burrito, assuming that a sit-down restaurant selling burritos could take their time and make it right, but the real challenge would be making a burrito “on-demand” while the customer/consumer was standing there, watching the creation of the colon-bomb; sit-down restaurants were taken out of the mix.

After choking down all these delights, I have decided that some things just aren’t meant to be wrapped up in a flour tortilla. There are several burrito places that give you a variety of fillings to choose from. I’m not sure that Buffalo Chicken or Thai Peanut Chicken was meant to be stuffed into a wrap, whether white, or whole wheat. As I said on the radio, and have shared with you before, the more choices you give the customer, the more opportunities there are for things to go wrong, whether in execution or in taste. In the case of the burrito, I think simpler is better.

Without further ado…the results.

We can take “Baja Fresh” out of the mix entirely, because they have closed all locations in Massachusetts. The closest ones are in New York. (If I’m taking a road trip, it’s to Columbus, Ohio for the last standing York Steakhouse for a Number 4, not a burrito.) Apparently for them, there’s no money in the burrito stand…

I was less favorably inclined to QDoba’s burritos, but do like an unusual menu item--“Mexican gumbo”. The “gumbo” is some rice, a little soup, some meat, some beans, etc., with some tortilla chips on top. An interesting concept, and I like it. Unfortunately, not many other people did, because the QDoba nearest me has closed. (As an aside, that location was also subject to a lawsuit prior to its opening, when a Panera Bread located in the same plaza objected to its opening, claiming they were serving “sandwiches”, which was Panera’s exclusive right in that plaza. There was an actual trial, and none other than chef/restaurant owner/author Chris Schlesinger of the “East Coast Grill” in Cambridge testified that a burrito is not a sandwich. You got that right! Valuable court time being taken up with the debate of “beef and beans” vs. “chicken salad”. The burrito won in a landslide…”blew” them away, if you will. Must have been the beans.)

Tomorrow, we continue the Aztec Death March from one burrito shack to the next…

Until next time America…enjoy “Tijuana Brass”…

Coming up, Midnight on October 23rd

2010-10-21T21:21:00.002-04:00

Tune in midnight, October 23rd, 2010 when I'll be a guest on the Jordan Rich Show on WBZ 1030am or listen live to us streaming on the internet at www.wbz1030.com.

We'll be talking burritos, Buffalo wings, and maybe a few other special treats.

The lines are open...

Making whoopie...pies!

2010-10-21T21:14:00.004-04:00

From the ridiculous to the sublime…

As I continue to suffer from “Burrito Bloat” (the ridiculous), I do want to celebrate two of the more delicious culinary delights I’ve had this week…

First, kudos to Chococoa Bakery in Newburyport (the “sublime”). I was surprised to arrive home last week to a box of little pillows from heaven-whoopie pies. Admittedly, I had not heard of this bakery, but the taste is now tattooed on my tongue. I’ve eaten a lot of whoopie pies, devil dogs, Swiss rolls and other assorted cream-filled chocolate cakes in my life, but the leader in the clubhouse is now Chococoa. Next time you’re in Newburyport, Massachusetts, stop in, tell them I sent you, and sit back and enjoy a little whoopie! If you only do one thing, do it well-Julie and Alan have taken it to a new level at Chococoa.

Second, once again, Noah’s Ark deli in NYC had brought me to my knees with the “pastrami knish”. As described last year, these things are softball sized potato and onion knishes, sliced in half, stuffed with pastrami, and then baked to a golden deliciousness…I know it’s taking a few minutes off my life, and I should be speedballing Lipitor, but it was/is/continues to be deeee-lish!

Having a Noah’s Ark knish, washed down with a Chococoa whoopie pie is like a party in your mouth…

Goodbye Mr. Parks

2010-09-21T22:17:00.003-04:00

George N. Parks, the LEGENDARY band director from the University of Massachusetts passed away, suddenly, after an exhibition in Ohio last week. I am deeply saddened, as are the thousands of students, and adults, he touched in his 33 years of teaching at the University.

I won’t pretend by saying I knew him well, but we did have a few spirited discussions about competitive drum corps and we had common peeps, oddly, both also named George (Bonfiglio and Zingali). I knew him also as a student in the band, and his impact is everlasting.

To put it simply-he cared. He cared about kids, his students, his colleagues, his university. That care was reflected in the way he spoke to you, and about you. It was reflected in the way he made you strive to be the best you could be, and made you want to work harder each day, because he believed in you. He had wit, and witticisms, and taught you marching and music and lessons for life.

Farewell Mr. Parks.

Yummy, dirtfoods...

2010-09-21T21:51:00.002-04:00

As I continue to waddle from burrito to burrito joint, and gorge myself on burritos and buffalo wings in preparation for The Jordan Rich Show on October 23, I thought I throw out a few observations…

Here’s one: The Civil War was neither civil, nor a war…discuss.

Just kidding.

Been thinking a lot about Amherst recently. I miss that kooky Pioneer Valley.

The Boston Globe ran a few stories a couple of weeks back, basically bashing the great state university and blaming an apathetic legislature for not supporting it better financially. Last week, a newspaper in London named the university number 56 on its list of the top 200 universities worldwide. I wonder if there’s something people outside Massachusetts see that the Globe doesn’t. I, for one, am extremely satisfied with my UMass education and for a number of reasons, including the one I live with, I can’t imagine my life or career being better if I had chosen to stay in Boston at a large private college with a solid reputation.

As for Amherst itself, I’ve been thinking about places I used to eat, of course. Once I moved off-campus, and no more Franklin Dining Commons, a world of cheap, culinary “delights” opened up for me. Whether Taco Villa, The Pub (affectionately known by some as “The Pube”), Superior Pizza…the cheaper the better. Sure, there were the splurges, like “Panda East” or “Sze’s” in Northampton, but more money, and time, was spent at the Bluewall or “Dirtfoods” at the Student Union. Oh, where has the time gone?

We all have stories of places we hung out, drank, ate and were merry…feel free to share yours.

No post would be complete without some retail rant. So what’s up with the self-checkout lanes? If a store, like Stop & Shop for instance, is going to cut back on staff, can’t they lower their prices too? I suppose that’s too much to ask, but can the person using the self-checkout after me at least wait until I’m finished bagging mine before he starts ringing his items? People are in such a hurry…and I’m getting “stink-eye” for not getting out of the way faster. I’m ringing myself out, I’m bagging my own groceries and now I’m bagging the groceries for the guy behind me…when do I get my paycheck?

For now, I continue my conspicuous consumption for your pleasure with a report to come. I assure you, one of the leader in the clubhouse wil surprise you!

Until next time America…enjoy The Stompers.

Don't Worry, be happy

2010-09-16T22:37:00.002-04:00

Hello dear readers...it's been quite a while since I posted. Do not fear (Underdog is here), I have been working on some new projects which might be posted under a new blog shortly. I got a lot of things brewing, and with a hot re-fi market, I have to make hay while the sun shines.

Nevertheless, I have not forgotten you, my palateers. I have been choking down burritos and Buffalo wings on your behalf, and will be posting some reviews soon, in conjunction with an appearance on "The Jordan Rich Show" on WBZ1030am on October 23, 2010.

Stay tuned...the sound you hear is my colon saying "enough with the Habanero salsa!!!"

CP

Boob tube...

2010-07-23T22:09:00.008-04:00

During the Summer, I try and catch up with all the TV I can’t watch during the school year, and I also watch some of the worst television. Speaking of lots of crap, here are a few more shows that occupy way too much of my bandwidth…

Pawn Stars:

This show is odd, there’s just no way to describe it. You don’t really want to watch it, but once you start, you’re addicted. It’s like watching a car crash-some of these people are desperate to score some quick cash…so desperate, I’m surprised they’re not running a blood bank in the back of the store. “Need a quick $100, come on in and drop a pint. We’ve got barely used needles, we promise!”

For those of you without The History Channel, “Pawn Stars” is a “reality” show about the operations of the Gold and Silver Pawn Shop in Las Vegas. In my opinion, very little of this show is “real”. The History Channel wants us to believe that these guys (3 generations of the same family of high school dropouts) have instant recall of inane details of mostly insignificant and irrelevant items. For some items, they call in “experts” who are other dealers or auctioneers. What the show doesn’t advertise heavily is that they prescreen the items (kind of like “Antiques Roadshow”), thereby “pre-educating” themselves to make it look like they are much smarter than they really are. When they’re speaking to the camera, they’re reading cue cards prepared by the History Channel experts who makes them sound better. This show partly makes my skin crawl due to the skeevie nature of the people who work there, and the desperation and terrible negotiating skills of the people selling their possessions, and their souls.

Man v. Food
Deep inside me somewhere, I want to be half of Adam Richman, the host of this show. I want to be the guy that travels all over the country sampling the best, and worst, of bar food, I just don’t want to eat as much.

For the uninitiated, on “Man v. Food” of the Travel Channel, Adam travels the country, sampling the “best” (“Rocky Mountain Oysters” anyone???) a city has to offer in a half-hour show. Each show follows a formula where he tries a couple of local joints, culminating in him visiting some locale in a city that has a “food challenge”. The challenges are usually relating to eating a massive quantity of food in a set time limit, or eating foods reputedly to be the “hottest” or “spiciest”. The challenges have recently ranged from eating 6 chicken wings covered in a spicy sauce that includes the “ghost chili pepper” (the hottest on Earth), to eating 12 “brisket sliders” which were small brisket sandwiches that were comprised of challah rolls stuffed with brisket, atop a fried potato pancake, covered in cheese, along with a pound of onion rings, all within a half hour. Another episode had him eating a 72-ounce steak (“The Big Texan”) or drinking 6 24-ounce milkshakes. Ugh. I’d hate to have to clean his bathroom.

There is something very embraceable about this show. First, Richman does not have your typical TV-friendly looks. A chubby, jocular Ivy-league educated Jewish guy from NY force-feeding himself a massive amount of food is no George Clooney. But I suppose, this makes him my type of guy (though I am often confused for George Clooney). He could actually be my hero. Second, his constant stream of pop-culture references really resonates and his shock when presented with the quantities is often funny, and occasionally laden with expletives. I love this show!!!

Cake Boss on TLC

From the network that brings you “The Little Children”, “The Little Chocolatiers” and “Little People, Big World” and seems to obsessed with dwarfs, they bring you essentially the Sopranos running a bakery, “Cake Boss”.

The Junior Palette loves this show. So much so, that we took a road trip to Carlos’ Bakery, the actual location, in Hoboken, NJ. I have to say, Hoboken is not nearly as big a craphole as I expected.

I admit, this is a guilty pleasure, but I don’t know why I like it. Maybe it’s the amazing cakes and the construction/decorating process that interests me, or maybe when things go wrong, it seems that the owner is thinking about having someone “whacked”. Either way, the show is a hoot. If you like good bakery drama, this show’s for you.

Undercover Boss

We love this show, but it’s about as staged as they come. The premise-CEOs of some of the largest companies in American “go undercover” to get a better sense of what really goes on in their workforce and locations. At the end of each hour, the true identity of the CEO is revealed to those he or she have come in contact with, and allegedly big changes or decisions are made based upon what the CEO has observed.

Some of the companies featured are Waste Management, 1-800-Flowers.com, White Castle, Hooters and Roto-Rooter. While interesting, do you really believe that the CEO of Hooters was “shocked” that some people have a negative view of his restaurants? Who would have thought that some people find his waitresses’ outfits offensive? He was “very surprised” to find out that some people thought he was selling the girls’ looks more than their food. Shocking.

However, this show can have some unexpectedly touching moments. Like on the Waste Management episode, when the CEO was being trained to drive a collection truck in upstate NY. The driver/trainer pulls up to a house, and the resident of the home comes out and meets them. The driver introduces the CEO (not knowing he’s the CEO) to the resident, who turns out to be developmentally impaired. The three of them have a nice conversation, but a minute later, the CEO is shown behind the truck crying. It turns out that his daughter is also developmentally impaired, and he is touched by the relationship his driver has with this woman. It reached him in a way that he never expected. When he finds out that this female driver has to use a coffee can as a toilet while driving her route, at the end of the show, he swoops in and makes wholesale changes to the routes to the benefit of his drivers.

While the show is staged to a large degree, I hope it comes back, though these sorts of surprise/reveal shows have a limited shelf life, since employees are now on the lookout. I’m thinking about doing it at my own job, but I recognize my boss...he's a real putz.

Brain dump...

2010-07-23T21:40:00.002-04:00

Emptying out the cellar of my brain before the Fentanyl and Versed kick in…

I’m sitting here at the VA Hospital in Boston, waiting for the Senior Palate to come out from a routine medical test. As one frequent reader noted: “The VA Hospital is a second opportunity for a soldier to give his life for his country”. Actually, despite my good-natured teasing and commentary otherwise, the VA system, at least the one here in the Boston area, seems to be very thorough and accommodating for those that served.

Though I’m not a Republican, the cynic in me is wondering why President Obama isn’t down in Louisiana taking credit for those BP whores finally getting a cap on the oil leak. While the people in the Gulf Coast are suffering, and will continue to suffer immeasurably for years to come, the President is up in Maine playing 36 holes. Real leadership. I hear his approval rating is lower than Mel Gibson’s…

Speaking of Mel Gibson, never a more loving, gentle boyfriend there ever was. He might want to consider switching to decaf…and going back to Hell, which is apparently where he came from.

I recently purchased a Nook from Barnes and Noble. I’ve only downloaded two books (“Born to Run” and “The Lion”) and am really looking forward to getting into it more. This device could really change the way people read, if they read at all anymore. Of course, I bought it so I could say to Mrs. Palate: “Can I check out your Nook…?”

My town recently denied a liquor license to a bar ownership group because two of the three owners have multiple charges, and one has multiple convictions (the other has one conviction and a open case currently pending), for Operating Under the Influence of Liquor. I applaud the town for making the right decision. Granting a license to these guys is like granting a day care license to pedophiles.

Local Boston viewers…a certain television food reviewer is a fraud. How can you trust a show where the advertisers and in-studio guests are being reviewed and who would have thought-get great reviews? One of the places even named an appetizer after the show’s co-host and producer. Yeah, really trustworthy reviews. Remember, I’m indentured to no one, and stuff my face for you!

On that note, I have begun my Buffalo wings and Burrito Bash in preparation for my appearance on The Jordan Rich Show in October. If any of you have suggestions, or want to meet up with me and sample some places, feel free to email or post a comment.

Parade results...

2010-06-23T23:17:00.004-04:00

Thanks to all you readers who tuned in to hear me on “The Jordan Rich Show”. As always, Jordan is the consummate host and makes me sound much better than I really am…

Marching in the “Pasta Parade 2010” was almost like the Bataan Death March…hot, sweaty and lots of chafing-at least in my mind, and waistline. Actually, it wasn’t too bad, even for someone like me who doesn’t eat a lot of tomato sauce.

Unlike my Asian quest, I did not eat the same thing at each location. Though I ate at a few “local” joints, I also ate at several “chains” since several of you were imploring me to do so, and those places are very popular with the American dining public.

What follows is a list with my commentary about each location…

Il Forno in Westborough, challenging “Vinny T’s” for the most use of garlic. I love Northern Italian cuisine-lots of herbs, garlic, olive oil and wine. Maybe a cream sauce or two. We went to Il Forno without any pre-conceived notions, and it was packed when we arrived-always a good sign. The food was good, and especially heavy on the garlic (that stayed with me for several days). Fair warning-low ceilings and really close tables..so close, I wasn’t really sure that it was “my” garlic I was smelling, or even tasting. Because of the low ceilings, it’s noisy and you can participate in other people’s conversations at the other tables, which I enjoy, even if the other people don’t. A few locations around the periphery of Worcester County. I give it a fork up.

Macaroni Grill-better choice than the Olive Garden, but then again, what isn’t? Macaroni Grill is really growing, and after years of seeing them all around Florida, they’re creeping into Massachusetts. The menu is similar to the OG, with décor and the essence maybe a half-step up the food chain. The two times we ate there, we had really excellent service, and the most recent time, we were with a large group and almost all the food came out right, hot and fresh. The kitchen is wide open, so I give them credit for showing you if their product comes from a boil-in bag. They did have an especially pleasant appetizer: Mediterranean Olives: “Handpicked olives from regional farms in Italy. Marinated with extra virgin olive oil, orange zest and roasted red peppers”. I also enjoyed the Pollo Limone Rustica, which, according to the menu is slow-roasted chicken sautéed with imported penne pasta, lemon-basil cream sauce and fresh spinach, then baked until golden brown. It’s not terrible. The Palate gives it a “tongue up”.

Bella Costa in Framingham-nice family-owned single location place with some traditional and non-traditional dishes. Had the Chicken Putanesca, which had garlic, olives and capers…frankly, a perfect combination of savory elements for me. This was my top pick. Strong reccomendation.

North End Treats, Natick: This is just a takeout sandwich shop, with pizza, and some phenomenal desserts and gelato. Had a nice sandwich and a whoopee pie there. Nothing says Italian food than a whoopee pie. Isn’t it “when the moon hits your eye like a big whoopie pie, that’s amore”?

Olive Garden-the usual pre-fab, pre-packaged, previously frozen Italian food from a boil-in-bag. Our most recent trip was slightly better, dimmed only by one waitress asking our second waiter “do we have any more packages of “Garlic herbed chicken?” Once again proving the theory that they serve the best of steam-table cuisine.

La Cantina, Framingham-an old mainstay in Framingham. They bottle their salad dressing which is available in Stop and Shops locally. It is a “three parm” type of place, but they make a wonderful polenta with chicken that is only available on Sundays and Tuesdays; you can’t get polenta everywhere You want to see the who’s who of Framingham (if there is such a thing), this is the place. Or Ken’s Steak House.

Paparazzi-the food is ok, but the price to value ratio is way off. Comes off as upscale Italian, with prices to match, but not the food. The hosts wear suits and try to appear important…comes off as self-important and pretentious. Had a private event there last year, and it was pleasant, but very expensive. There’s something about this place that is a little off...almost a “Stepford” restaurant. There are a number of them in the Metro-Boston area, but I’m not rushing over.

The Chateau-With locations all around eastern Massachusetts, they claim to have invented the toasted ravioli. Nothing says heart-healthy like deep fried ravioli and chicken Parmesan. The food isn’t bad, and they have a very traditional menu. I want to like it there, but they do serve some pre-packaged food. When we asked about the ingredients in an item, they said they had thrown the package away. Had a slice of their pizza, and surprisingly, it was pretty good. Most of the Chateau locations are more traditional red-sauce type places, but their Stoughton location, operating under the family name “Nocera’s”, is more Northern Italian and frankly, more enjoyable.

Bertucci’s-When people talk about their favorite Italian restaurants, inevitably, the talk turns to rolls or bread. You can always gauge the quality of a meal with the care a place takes when selecting and serving the first course…Bertucci’s made their bones off this theory, by dropping fresh baked hot brick-oven rolls and butter onto the table right at your arrival. These sublime doughy pillows from heaven suggested a hint of wood smoke, with a crusty exterior and a hot, fluffy interior. It was like a party in your mouth…but, all good things must come to an end. Alas, they’ve gone away from “brick oven” and now their rolls are just common fare, baked in an “Alto-Shaam” oven; no essence of wood smoke, no darkened crusty exterior…just a pedestrian “Sysco” style roll you can get anywhere. I hear it’s about labor and food prep costs. I say that when a restaurant turns away from its signature product or method of cooking, the end can’t be far away.

Speaking of bread, one last comment on that topic. As I said on the air, Italian restaurants and bread go together. Nothing says “you’re in for a good meal” than a decent bread course. Thankfully, most places have changes to a fresh-baked bread product. Bella Costa had particularly excellent bread to start us off. The Olive Garden is known for their breadsticks which I think have declined in quality over the years. As I mentioned, Bertucci’s has gone away from the brick-oven rolls. Paparazzi serves hard, cracker-like breadsticks…a very puzzling item in their quest to be a Stepford restaurant. My advice, if an Italian restaurant serves you a cracker at the outset, run, don’t walk, out the door.

You’ve been great…enjoy the overrated Andrea Bocelli…

Command performance

2010-06-05T20:49:00.004-04:00

Just a little taste of the Palate before I go on Jordan's show tonight. This is essentially a repost of a posting from July 2007...I ate there again on my pasta parade, and it was only slightly better. An update is forthcoming, but for now...

Sometimes a meal is just so bad, so utterly awful, from beginning to end, that you feel compelled to complain, at the highest level. Sometimes you have to go all the way up the “food chain.” What follows below, is just one of those occasions. While the name of the restaurant remains anonymous, I think you all can infer where this was. Why I ever ate there to begin with is still a mystery. We haven’t been back.

“Dear Sir or Madam: I feel compelled to write you about what could be the singularly worst meal I have ever had at one of your restaurants. In fact, I have never had a good meal at your Framingham location, and I have reached the end of my rope when it comes to giving this location any more chances.

My wife and I went to the Framingham location last evening and were seated promptly. Upon the arrival of our waitress, we gave her our drink order, which did not come out right; that was the beginning of a total breakdown of this meal.

My wife has a severe allergy to dairy products, shellfish and peanuts; when she orders, she carefully details her allergies. She ordered the Chicken Marsala after being told by the waitress, who was resolute, that it was dairy free. We also asked for breadsticks without butter, and salad without cheese, with oil and vinegar dressing; the waitress assured us that it would not be a problem. I ordered Chicken with Broccoli and pasta. Within two minutes, having now been in the restaurant no more than seven minutes, our meals were on the table in front of us; yet we still have not seen the salad or breadsticks! I told the server, who was not our waitress, that I would like to see our waitress and get the salad and breadsticks. I know that you need to turn over the tables, but can I have 15 minutes for dinner?

A moment later, a manager, "Rich", came over and asked if there was a problem. We merely explained that we wanted the salad and breadsticks prior to getting our meal, which we were not quite ready to eat. I told him that we merely wanted to speak with our waitress. He told us that our waitress was having a "personal moment" in the office and that things were not going well for her tonight; she would not be attending to our table-he would. So he took our meals away, and arranged for the proper salad and breadsticks to be brought over. When they arrived, he told us that they had run out of vinegar, and he only had oil, which he brought. What kind of restaurant runs out of a popular condiment? Alas, my wife enjoyed only a partial serving of salad, without dressing.

A few moments later, Rich came over and asked if my wife was "lactose intolerant." My wife responded that she has an extremely severe allergy to all dairy (she carries emergency medicine in her pocketbook), and he said that the Chicken Marsala had a lot of butter in the sauce already mixed in, so that she would have to order something else. In hindsight, it was a good thing that the manager intervened, since he probably prevented a trip to the hospital by telling us about the butter in the sauce, a fact to which the waitress seemed oblivious. That mistake could have had severe health ramifications for my wife, and the waitress would likely end up with a more severe “personal moment.”

While my wife was picking out something else, Rich decided to sit with us, and while doing so, the other wait staff brought over our meals. Rich sent them away, and had them "remake" mine and make my wife something different. Eventually, Rich left and brought over our food, and my wife's meal was fine, but mine at this point looked as if it had spent the past thirty minutes under a heat lamp, or in a microwave; it was certainly not "remade." The pasta was hardened and crusty at the edges, and the broccoli was shriveled and had darkened spots from overheating. When Rich asked if everything was okay, we told him no, but we were not asking for new food, because who knows what type of mess would come out of the kitchen. He apologized, and stressed that he hopes we will come back and give them another try. I assured him, and now you, that we will not rush back.

After having cleared our table, Rich came back over, and told us that he wanted to offer us a free desert as an apology for our experience. I was shocked! Apparently, we not only had to suffer through this mishap, but now were going to have to pay for the privilege! He brought the desert, and presented the check, which although did not charge us for the desert, did charge us for the rest of the meal! I guess along with poor service, I should expect poor customer relations as well. After all my experiences with this location, I assure you I expect nothing more.

Your new ad campaign says “when you’re here, you’re family.” If this is how you treat family, I prefer to be a stranger.

The Framingham location is a disgrace to your chain; I hope you address their problems.” With so many family restaurants in Framingham, you give people little reason to patronize you.

On the air!

2010-06-05T15:34:00.002-04:00

Please join the party tonight on WBZ 1030am, or www.wbz1030.com at midnight on The Jordan Rich Show, where I'll be talking with Jordan and guests about Italian food and other food-related topics. Over the next few days, I'll be posting a full report, along with recommendations as they come in tonight on the air.

Mangia...

Pasta Parade 2010

2010-06-03T21:50:00.001-04:00

Full disclosure…I don’t “love” Italian food, at least not what most people consider “traditional” Italian food. As faithful reader “Amy” tossed out, there are two types of Italian restaurants-the “three parms: chicken, eggplant and veal” and “everything else”. Due to a number of reasons, mostly due to an aversion to tomato sauce (for medical reasons), I prefer “everything else”. Thankfully, in my experience, that’s where the real flavor lies.

As I embarked on the Pasta Parade, I was thrown a curveball on a personal level, which limited out ability to venture into some unknown, though recommended, places. However, I was able to enjoy, or not, as the case may be, a number of places.

After some discussion with my Critical Palate “team”, we decided to eat at places that many of my readers would likely eat. In addition, I ate at a some small family-owned places recommended by the readers. I have come to realize that most ethnic foods, “Italian” included, engender very passionate views. Everyone has “their” place, and everyone else’s stinks. It would be practically impossible to eat at all the recommended locations and “avoid” places that some of you shared with me, so I took the low road and ate at a lot of chain-style restaurants, because that’s where many of you are eating and suggested to me in the emails.

Not to worry, I ate at some smaller, more intimate, one-location, venues and will report on them as well.

For the full oral report, tune into the Jordan Rich Show on WBZ 1030AM Saturday night at midnight to hear me and Jordan, and a few other special guests, talk food in general, and Italian food specifically.

After the break, the Pasta Parade Route, as well as more travelogues from Florida.

You’ve been great, enjoy Dean Martin…

Thanks

2010-05-31T12:25:00.002-04:00

“Freedom’s just another word for ‘nuthin’ left to lose…’”. Truer words were never spoken.

As a society, we fill arenas in the winter to watch grown men run up and down a basketball court or skate across the ice. In summer, we fill the stands at baseball games and cheer wildly when someone hit a homerun. We fill stadiums every Sunday in the fall to cheer giant, HgH-enhanced men playing football. Announcers use expressions like “battles”, players are “gladiators” and players themselves talk about playing a game in terms like “going to war.” A little hyperbole anyone?

On this Memorial Day, let’s take a moment to remember the real heroes. Most of these men and women were never cheered in stadiums, most aren’t even known to you and me. Their numbers exceed a million, and we live under the blanket of freedom they provided. Today is the day we need to remember those men and women who served our country and gave the ultimate sacrifice to provide us the freedoms we enjoy: the freedom to speak out against, or in favor, of our government, to practice whichever religion we choose, and to work and enjoy our lives without constant governmental scrutiny.

Though it’s not Veterans’ Day, let’s also remember and thank who fought for our freedom in the fields, to those that liberated camps, to those that went to Southeast Asia, worked in the Natick Labs developing new technologies for the armed forces and space program, and to those that serve currently in the Middle East and elsewhere. Despite your personal feelings about the actions themselves, remember there were people willing to fight for you, and die for you.

And now, back to the NBA championship series.

What You Talkin' Bout?

2010-05-28T19:26:00.003-04:00

Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum,  What might be right for you, may not be right for some.  A man is born, he's a man of means.  Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans.   But they got, Diff'rent Strokes.  It takes, Diff'rent Strokes.  It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.   Everybody's got a special kind of story  Everybody finds a way to shine,  It don't matter that you got not alot  So what, They'll have theirs, and you'll have yours, and I'll have mine.  And together we'll be fine....   Because it takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.  Yes it does.  It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.   

So goes the theme to that non-Emmy award winning show, Diff’rent Strokes. Never has their been a show whose cast has been as cursed as this. If there was ever a show that was a poster-child for what happens to kids who get too much fame too fast, it was DS. Start with Dana Plato, who bordered on “cute”; I know a number of friends that had a thing for her, so it was met with much excitement when her post-DS career included Playboy and some soft-core “Skin-a-max” style porn (apparently, a different kind of stroke). Sadly, an armed robbery conviction, alcohol and drugs got in the way, and she died living the hard life back in 1999-a drug overdose in her RV. Adding more misery to Plato, her son killed himself a few weeks back while on a drug and alcohol binge…apparently the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Todd Bridges had a relatively normal life after DS. He was addicted to cocaine, tried to kill his drug dealer in California, stabbed a tenant in his house with a kitchen knife and joined a pro-wrestling team that also featured Dustin Diamond from “Saved by the Bell.” To Todd’s credit, he saved a woman’s life back in 1998 when her wheelchair fell into a lake and he pulled her out, has allegedly been sober for several years and wrote a book about kicking his addiction.

Alas, there was poor Gary Coleman. There isn’t too much that I can say that hasn’t been said already throughout the mainstream media. You gotta give him credit for getting an expression into the vernacular, but his life after DS, after being one of the highest-paid tv stars, was a sad example of what happens too kids too young and too fast. Though it wasn’t too much of a surprise to hear about him getting in trouble as he got older, I used to wonder “what you talkin’ bout Willis?”

Who would have thought Conrad Bain and Charlotte Rae would outlive the kids in the cast?

You’ve been great…enjoy Alan Thicke and Gloria Loring.

Stormy Weather

2010-05-16T10:30:00.001-04:00

Before I get back to the travelogues, I need to digress…

This year, American Idol has really fallen out of favor with me. I was wondering why I had lost interest; maybe it’s the lack of talent, maybe it’s the judges, maybe it’s the over-hype.

This morning, while surfing the Sunday morning news shows, I stumbled upon a terrific interview from around 1982-Ed Bradley interviewing the late, great Lena Horne. Here was a woman of prodigious talent and beauty, who came to Hollywood when racism was rampant and who was treated like a second-class citizen. But through talent and guile, fought and found her way. Watching the interview, re-broadcast because of her recent passing last week, I was struck by her spark, and dignity. I felt a little melancholy at the end of the story, mostly because there’s no more Ed Bradley and no more Lena Horne; I didn’t want this piece to end.

I know I’ll never feel the same about Ryan Seacrest or Ellen DeGeneres and their interviews of the American “idols”. In today’s society, where we have no patience and expect instantaneous results, I have come to realize that AI is a frivolous, forgettable exercise when compared with the success of someone like Lena Horne, who found her place through true talent and perseverance, fighting injustice and making the world better by her presence.

On the Road To...

2010-05-01T16:27:00.002-04:00

Travelogue—Florida

Many of you approach me throughout the year and ask, “Eric, why don’t you post more travelogues?” I have no good reason, except I don’t travel! Other than an occasional weekend getaway, I’m pretty much a homebody. However, in a shift of the Earth’s axis, we ended up in Orlando this past week for a brief, 6-day getaway. Here are some rants and raves about this experience…

Rave-Marriott Harbor Lake Villa

I am a big, BIG supporter of “tripadvisor.com.” If you have never spent any time on the site, I strongly encourage you to do so. This is like me, but on HgH. This is essentially a review site, though they’ve added a booking feature. The reviews are primarily from people like me (by “me”, I mean hyper-critical, never satisfied, but good-natured folk), and I have found their reviews, whether it’s hotels or restaurants, pretty dead-on accurate, which have spared me from really negative experiences. “Tripadvisor.com” is the poster child for “caveat emptor.”

So, when I saw the Marriott Harbor Lake Villas (MHL) as the top-rated family hotel on Tripadvisor in the Orlando area, I knew I probably wouldn’t be disappointed-we were not.

At our stage in life, one hotel room with 2 double beds doesn’t work. Even the one bedroom suite at Embassy Suites doesn’t work; we need a bed for all of us. The MHL was perfect for us-2 bedrooms (one with a king, one with 2 queens), two full baths, full kitchen, dining room and laundry facilities in the villa. It was well-maintained, clean, quiet and located well within proximity to all the area attractions (and there are a few, you know). Every staff person we encountered was pleasant and happy to help. While this was part of the Marriott Vacation Club (read: time share), never once were we accosted or propositioned to sit through some burdensome time-share presentation. They left us alone to enjoy the resort, all its accoutrements, and the local scene. I cannot say enough positive things, and will definitely make this my preferred place to stay in Orlando.

Rant-Hertz Rental Car.

Hertz is number 1 in the rental car business, but they sure treated us like “number 2.” Let me set the stage for you…

Our trip went something like this: leave the metro-Boston area and drive to Hoboken, NJ. In Hoboken, we visited “Carlos’ Bakery”, site of the TLC reality show “Cake Boss.” From Hoboken, we drive to Newark, where we leave our car at the Hilton and take the shuttle to the Newark airport. From there, we fly to Orlando. All in all, exactly 12 hours from the time we left home until we landed in Orlando. Nothing says “relaxing” more than 12 hours on the road. Elayne and I were like Bob and Bing in “The Road to Orlando”.

So when we arrived in Orlando, we were happy to be there…that is, until we got to the Hertz counter. Or should I say “line at the Hertz counter”. I didn’t get a warm and fuzzy feeling when the woman in front of me said “they’ve run out of cars”, and we were the 25th people in line!

The longer I waited, the more obvious it became that Hertz was humping everyone. I found out that they only had “compact” cars or smaller. They ran out of any car larger than compact, and any special order cars (like convertibles or SUVS/Minivans). More importantly, they ran out of “full size”, which is what I had reserved. As Jerry Seinfeld so aptly put it “they know how to take a reservation, they don’t know how to hold a reservation.”

The extra misery added to this experience was after you got to the clerk at the counter, checked in and ran your credit card, you were told to go to the line to your left, which was now everyone else whose credit cards had been run, who were now just waiting around for cars. One by one, the other lemmings were called up to “Gustavo”, who politely told each victim that they could only get a “Mazda 3” (a compact hatchback). There were people waiting for the 15 passenger full-sized vans, families of 6 waiting for minivans, and people like me, who pack like a family of 12, who needed a full sized car for the luggage capacity. I began to devise a lottery for my family to decide who would ride on the roof of the car…

While I am waiting in this second line, bleeding internally, the junior palates are killing Mrs. Palate, because by now, AT MIDNIGHT, they are hungry again. Of course, nothing in the airport is open, and they can’t leave, because if they do, and I need Elayne’s license, I’m hosed. So they suffer too, but not in silence.

I should also say that Elayne went down the line to all the other car agencies looking to see what might be available. I have to think that the number 1 agency would be more likely to have cars that the smaller outfits, and I certainly didn’t expect for them to be giving us the “we’re number one” finger, if you know what I mean. Of course, it should come as no surprise that believe it or not, these other agencies actually were holding cars for people that made reservations, and were not renting to walk-ups. What a concept! Perhaps Hertz should employ that sometime.

Finally, I am second in line. By this time, it’s about 12:15am!!!! The people in front of me are hot for an SUV, which they reserved. They were hell-bent for leather to get an SUV. Gustavo calmly looked up their reservation, and told them that he didn’t have an SUV, but that he was just seeing an full size car come into inventory. The wife throws a four and twelve letter fit that would make a crab fisherman blush. She finally says that “Dollar” has an SUV that wasn’t reserved, and she turns and walks away. Gustavo looks at me and says “I guess they want to cancel their reservation.” I politely chuckle and say “as it just so happens, I reserved a full sized car, so I’ll take what you have now.” He books me through, and tells me as a courtesy and apology for waiting, I did not have to pay for the tank of gas, and I could return it empty if I wanted. While I will never recover those 2 and a half hours waiting in the line at Hertz, at 12:30am, we were back on the road and on the way to the hotel. There hasn’t been a road movie this good since “Ishtar.”

When you’re renting a car, don’t forget, this is the face of Hertz…

After the break, more rants and raves about Orlando…

Beatlemania

2010-04-08T23:04:00.002-04:00

When I was in 8th grade, the same age Junior Palate is now, I had the pleasure of going to see "Beatlemania"; that began a lifelong appreciation and admiration of the 4 Liverpudlian lads. Junior Palate also respects their music-it's nice to know he has some decent taste in music.

A friend had this video on his Facebook page. To me, it is brilliantly haunting...an undertstated view of geniuses making it look easy. Sad too, knowing that John, George and Billy Preston are gone now...

Ladies and Gentlemen...The Beatles!

Extreme TV

2010-04-04T23:08:00.004-04:00

After a month long hiatus, I am back...slightly mellowed by a multi-day trial that took quite a bit of preparation; at least preparations a-g...

During my downtime in March, which was very rare, I caught up with, or on to, some oddly compelling TV. Back when I grew up, coming home from school, I’d catch some repeat of Gilligan’s Island (“Just sit right down and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip…” or the Brady Bunch on Channel 56. Back then, in the Boston area, we had Channels 2, 4, 5, 7, 27, 38, 44 and 56; that was it. If there wasn’t anything decent on, e actually had to do other things, like read, or go outside and play!!! Now, we have 200 channels to choose from and always something interesting to choose from, or nothing at all.

Speaking of “nothing at all” there are just some nights when I surf through all the channels and still find nothing to watch. How is this possible? There must be someone interested, but the “CAT Heavy Equipment Badminton Open from Akron, Ohio” on “The Ocho-ESPN 8” doesn’t cut it for me. Neither does a “Baby Story” or “Bridezillas” on “Lifetime-Television for Women”.

But, late at night, when I check my TIVO for things that caught my interest, I find some interesting, and oddly compelling programs, that are clearly a by-product of having a million channels, because some of these would never show up on “real” or network TV.

Here are a few of my current favorites (and why):

Deadliest Catch: who would have thought 20, maybe even 10 years ago that a television show that focuses on crab fishing in Alaska would hold someone’s interest. I would have thought the “Saladmaster” pots and pans commercials (with Chris Nahatis banging them together) were going to be more exciting. But watch one episode, and it sucks you in, like a Giant Squid.

For you uninitiated, this is a “reality style” television format that follows 4 crab boats up into the Bering Sea. The overly dramatic narration by Mike Rowe (star of another show discussed below) only adds to the ominous feeling that these schmucks go out to the most dangerous sea in the worst possible time of year prospecting for crab. When you think about it, these guys tempt the hands of fate for you to “borrow” the crab for about 4 hours, if you know what I mean.

The more you watch, the more you begin to root for one boat over another. Most of these boats are family-owned, so it’s fun to watch the family dynamic unfold on TV, in the crucible of a small crab boat. This is a show about rough and tumble, hard-living men, living on Red Bull, Coffee and Nicotine (maybe the Senior Palate could give it a go...)

Here's a sample...

Dirty Jobs: If there was ever a show to make me thankful for growing up in a house where education was valued, this is it. Mike Rowe takes on some of the most disgusting jobs out there. From inseminating crocodiles, to shoveling up chicken crap under a hen house, he’s picked some winners. We are all better off because of the people out there willing, or unlucky enough, to do these jobs. But after watching this show, I’m going to make sure I keep it this way!

More coming, because when you have this many channels, there’s a lot of crap to watch…

When the moon hits your eye...

2010-04-04T22:08:00.002-04:00

As we enter springtime, it is time for my next quest. Theme-Italian food. Always in search of a catchy name, I am going with "Pasta Pilgrimage 2010".

Now, as many of you know, I do not like tomato sauces at all (and to be fair, they don't like me, or my ulcers). But I do like Northern Italian cusine, and will do my best to eat for your pleasure. I know I will not hit all, or even many, but I will hit some. Despite my aversions and physical limitations, I will go to those places known to some as "the 3 parms" as in chicken, veal and eggplant (thanks Amy!).

I have already started, and promise the reviews will begin to trickle out soon. In the meantime, enjoy Louis Prima...

Sweet Georgia Brown..

2010-04-03T21:44:00.004-04:00

Being a child of the late 60s and 70s, no Saturday afternoon was complete without ABC’s “Wide World of Sports”. I would sit in front of the TV, with great anticipation, hoping that it wouldn’t be weightlifting from Russia or ping-pong from China, but maybe Evel Knievel or better yet, the “Harlem Globetrotters”. Nothing better than watching those Washington Generals getting their asses whipped by those Globetrotting tricksters…the clown princes of basketball.

It was a pleasant diversion from Passover preparations that we went to Girl Scout day at the Harlem Globetrotters at the Boston Garden. Nothing like “The Magic Circle” and “Sweet Georgia Brown”, and seeing both the junior palates enjoy the same things I did when I was their age to bring back some great memories. While there was no “Meadowlark Lemon” or “Curly Neal”, they brought out all the old bag of tricks, with the water/confetti bucket, the exploding ball, the elastic band on the ball for the foul shots…the never-ending jokes and playing with the audience. This was good, clean family fun.

Enjoy...

No visitors please...

2010-02-20T15:15:00.002-05:00

As a follow-up to the fun time at O'Connell's, some people have emailed me asking about whether the manager came over to speak with us. The answer is no!!!

I'll admit, I didn't ask for the manager, because this was such a bad experience, I would have thought the waitress would have made a point of letting the manager know that a table was having a lousy experience. The fact that she either did not, or she did, but no manager ever came by, is indicative of how poorly they manage the staff and restaurant. Like most places before them, I expect a very short life-span. They would be wise to focus on the liquor because they are way out of their comfort zone, if they ever had one.

Out of their zone...

2010-02-19T12:23:00.005-05:00

The world is full of examples of tremendous failures when people go out of their “comfort zone”. Like Robert DeNiro doing comedy, or Rocky Balboa leaving Philly and going “Hollywood” after winning the belt from Apollo Creed, once you stray from your strengths, only bad things can happen. Take a look at “Analyze This” or Clubber Lang…so, too, with restaurants; when they change formats, or expand their menus, nothing good usually happens. Witness, O’Connell’s Pub in Framingham.

O’Connell’s is derived from “Lloyd’s Diner” here in Framingham; despite the Senior Palate’s appreciation of their breakfasts, it was a little lost on me. They only seemed to be open for about 15 minutes a week, and not always consecutive, but my father was a fan. Apparently, they sold out and decided to go “big time”; that is, if you consider “big time” an Irish-named, sports-themed pub…and sell out they did.

I could just leave you with this review: I left without eating. But so much more needs to be said …I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t...

I could bore you with a whole dissertation on how the waitress was clearly over her head. I could bore you with how the table across from us was seated, served and checked out before our meals even came. I could bore you with tales of an exploding toilet in the men’s room, but let me focus on the positive…

Wait for it…

Ok, so now that I got the positives out of the way, let me tell you about our experience.

After Burger Quest last year, I have pretty high expectations for a burger, and when you go to a “sports pub”, you expect a burger to be right in their comfort zone, or wheelhouse. But my experience here was exactly that of DeNiro in “Rocky and Bullwinkle”…O’Connell’s is way out of their comfort zone, and that’s too bad.

I order my burger “medium”. Not complicated, no special requests…just medium. Service issue number 1-when the waitress brought the food, she only brought out half the food, including mine. So while four people had their meals, 4 people didn’t. She did say she’d be “right back”, but I guess “right back” meant 15 minutes. She did come back a minute later (with a couple of meals, but not all), and by then, I had cut into my burger. I guess to the kitchen, “medium” means incinerated beyond recognition, or cooked to resemble a hockey puck.

When I pointed it out to the waitress, she scooped it up and said she would bring me another. About three minutes later, she appeared with another burger, but another odd observation-she still had not brought out the original burger for one of my dining companions. So here we were, everyone at the table with their meals (albeit not all cooked correctly), and me with my SECOND one, and someone just sitting there watching us. That’s only slightly uncomfortable. However, I would not wish this second burger on anyone.

Despite the nuclear cooking method used on the first burger, I think they employed the “hold a match in the near vicinity” method for the second. Despite what appeared to be a cooked exterior, the inside was raw. Not medium rare, not rare, but raw. If you put your finger into it (which I did), there was no bounce back, no resiliency, just soft, raw meat. I’ve had “steak tartare” that was cooked more. “Listeria” anyone?
Full disclosure-this is a "composite" photo since the lighting wasn't good enough for my cell phone, I found a photo that accurately represents what my burger looked like.

When the waitress came back to check on me again, I showed her this burger. She agreed “that’s not medium” (you think?) and I told her that I wasn’t even sure they breathed on it heavily. She offered to bring me another one, but at this point, two strikes and you’re out. She persisted, to her credit, but frankly, if you’re a sports pub and you can’t cook a burger right, can you really expect anything to be right? I told her that I did not want her to bring anything else.

A few minutes later, she returned with a third burger, despite my protestations otherwise. When she came over, she said “he (meaning the cook, I guess) really wants you to have this. No charge (as if they would?). This will be just how you want it.” I told her I didn’t want it, and told her to take it away, but she insisted on leaving it. (As an aside, having no idea what is going on in the kitchen, but I can only imagine what the cook did to this burger; I would not have eaten that burger on a bet.) One of my dining companions decided that we needed to see how this burger was cooked. Of course, if it was cooked “medium”, all my dining companions would be taunting me to eat it, but I am a man of principles, and would not eat it no matter what; however, that decision was made for me when we cut it open, and it was as “undone” as the second burger. Whoever is working the grill just doesn’t understand the concept of how to cook food. Not a good thing when you work in a restaurant.

Having worked at my father’s diner, there is one concept that you can’t get away from-quality and consistency. If you’re not consistent in giving someone a quality product, there is no reason for him or her to come back. No one wants to go to a place that can’t get basics right, and certainly don’t want to go somewhere where it’s a crapshoot for each meal (in this case, emphasis on “crap”). Besides my meal, other dining companions noted that things were inconsistent from plate to plate. I had fries that looked well cooked and crispy (even though I didn’t order them-I ordered cole slaw), but my friend next to me had the same fries, but they looked soggy and pasty. This was true from plate to plate on the table. How does that happen?

Lastly, O’Connell’s calls itself “family friendly”-two observations about this. First, they are a “sports pub”, which by its very terms, means “bar”, and with “bar”, comes an element that’s fine for me, but not for kids. Add Keno to the mix, including a Keno screen in the dining room, and it’s not really as family friendly as the local “house of correction”.

Second, Junior Palate had to use the restroom, and he came back chuckling. I asked him why, and he said that the bathroom was disgusting (as most in barrooms are), but there was a funny poster. As it just so happened, I needed to use the men’s room. He was right-the bathroom was nasty, and the poster was funny, but totally inappropriate for a “family friendly” restaurant. While I chuckled when I saw it, and still do, rather than send a family-friendly message, it’s more about how to “make” a family.

I always hope that these one-off, local places will be great and survive, and we all know, the MetroWest doesn’t really need another chain-style place. But given my experience at “O’Connell’s”, I’d rather eat the pre-fabricated pretend food at Ruby Tuesday’s across the street, and that’s saying something!

O’Connell’s…until they get back to, or find, their comfort zone, I’ll be staying away, and I have a feeling the other people with me might not be back anytime soon either. Eat at your own risk.

You’ve been great, now enjoy Celtic Woman…

You’re going to hate the way you look, I guarantee it! Part Two!

2010-02-02T21:25:00.001-05:00

Read the prior post first…

The next day, I called Men’s Wearhouse to speak with Mike, but he wasn’t there. After waiting almost five minutes for the manager on duty to pick up the phone, I called corporate to leave a message for George Zimmer and his toupee. I got through to a helpful customer service rep, she got through to the store, and told me that they’re expecting me back, and that I can have the choice of returning the suits, having them adjust these suits again, or having them start over from scratch with new suits; despite my initial hesitance to keep these suits, I decided to give them a chance. To the customer service rep’s credit, she offered me a $50.00 gift card for the inconvenience, though she said “even though it’s not likely you’ll be shopping with us anymore.” At least she understood me.

So I brought the suits back last Friday (1/22/10). When I arrived, the woman working the floor immediately greeted me by name; apparently, there were well aware that I was coming. She asked me to explain hat happened, but I asked that she bring Mike out to hear it as well, so I would not have to repeat myself. As soon as Mike came out, I was pretty sure this wasn’t going to go as well as Karyn (from headquarters) thought it would.

Apparently, Mike had heard all he needed to hear from corporate, because he came over to me and asked me to put the suits on. I told him I wanted to explain why I was so upset, and he said that he just wanted to see how the suits fit (or didn’t, as the case may be). If there’s any one customer service blunder that really roasts my cookies, it’s an unwillingness to even listen to someone’s complaint. Nevertheless, I would not put the suits on until I shared with him my disgust about the my experience with HIS store. After expressing myself, and after having him try to quiet me down because there were other customers in the store whose alterations they had yet to screw up, I put the suits on. It was immediately apparent they didn’t fit right. Mike asked me “Len told you this suit looked good?” I told him that Len had, in fact, told me it looked great, even though I told him that the jacket was too small and uncomfortable, and the pants were cut for Manute Bol and I’m built more like Spud Webb.

Mike brought out the tailor, and we spent quite a bit of time reviewing exactly what was wrong and what I wanted. The tailor could not explain why the pants were too long, why he didn’t agree that they needed to be shortened a week earlier when I needed the other pants taken up, why the sleeves were different lengths, and why the jacket was cut to fit Tony Atlas, but you know me, I just want to focus on the positive and get this done. I also tried on the second suit, and once again, it was immediately apparent that my sleeves were substantially different length, but oddly, this jacket wasn’t as sculpted as the other.

Mike told me they would have it ready within a couple of hours, but I just couldn’t be bothered to waste more time there that same day. I told them to take their time (and maybe do it right) and I would come back the following week sometime. Fast forward to a week later…this past Friday, January 29, 2010.

I arrive around 1:30pm, and the place is deserted, other than the few employees. I walk in and Mike sees me and grabs the suits. He has me put them on, we review what was done and how it fits, and 20 minutes later, he says “well, things seem to be all set; hopefully you’re satisfied.” I said “I’ll be satisfied when you reimburse me for the alterations, like I said last week.” He says “Oh yeah, let’s go up front to the register”.

So we get to the register, and he calls my transaction up on the computer. He begins making notes on a piece of paper, adding some things up, then turns to me and says “let me ask you this-would you agree that we did some alteration, like the back or neck of the jackets, that didn’t have any problems?” So now I can smell this a mile away, and it stinks. I say immediately “Do I agree that there were some alterations that didn’t need adjusting, yes. Do I agree that I should pay for any alterations? Absolutely not, like I said last week.” So he says “no, I think just reimbursing you for the things we had to fix again is enough.” I ask “what about all the wasted time, aggravation, and embarrassment?” He says “no, it’s $100.00, and that’s good enough.” Of course, my response was “not for me. As requested by corporate, I’ll be following up with them. If you don’t to give me the additional costs, that’s fine, but I’ll report it to corporate and they’ll pay it and take it up with you.” His response-“that’s fine. Here you go…” and he hands me the refund slip for the $100.00. I take my suits and walk out without saying another word, and he walked away without saying anything either. Really nice.

When I got back to the office, I called corporate to express my dissatisfaction with the resolution. Karyn was apologetic, and of course, is sending me check for the balance. While I think corporate handled this matter appropriately, that cooperative spirit has not trickled down to the retail stores.

As I expressed to Karyn, it has nothing to do with the balance, and everything to do with feeling that your business is valued, and if there is a problem, the company will do what they can to keep you as a customer. It became apparent to me, from the day I brought the suits back, that I was an annoyance to the store and manager, who didn’t even want to bother to listen to me. I was an angry customer who had been sold a bill of goods, but had now “come off the ledge” because corporate offered to make it right for me. When the suits fit on Friday, I felt a little better and perhaps had confidence that MW would follow-through and make things right. That feeling was immediately thwarted when Mike decided that savings face with his tailor by not reimbursing me the extra few dollars was more important than making a customer feel that his three visits to the store and all the time dealing with this problem wasn’t a waste of time. Maybe he even had a chance for me to come back and use the credits given to me by corporate and maybe he could have told his staff and corporate of his success in turning a bad situation into something positive-he could have used me as a training tool to his advantage with his staff. Did this happen? No, instead he chose to draw a line in the sand, knowing full well that I would cross it by calling corporate and forcing the issue with them. He must have realized that this would be reported downstream from them to him, and perhaps he just doesn’t care. That’s sad.

I have copied Karyn at MW headquarters pretty much on the content of this blog, which she requested I do. She told me that she will forward this to a variety of parties, including the Regional Manager, whom she will encourage to share with Mike and talk about proper raining and customer service.

In conclusion, I suggest you stay away from MW, especially the one in Framingham near Jordan’s Furniture. Milton’s has been the favored local player for years, and rightfully so. The corporate mentality, and store manager’s affect is good reason to never darken the doorstep of MW again. If you shop there, they’ll treat you poorly, I guaranty it!

You’re going to hate the way you look, I guarantee it!

2010-02-02T20:54:00.003-05:00

“Everyone makes mistakes oh yes, they do. Your sister and your brother, and your dad and mother too. Big people, small people, matter of fact, all people, everyone makes mistakes oh yes they do…”

With that catchy little tune from Sesame Street in the late 1960s, I bring the “critical” back to the Palate. Let me tell you a story…

For years, I have been very particular about where I buy my suits. I have always defaulted to “Milton’s” in Chestnut Hill, and I have never, ever, been disappointed in the quality of the suit or the quality of the alterations. In fact, I got my bar mitzvah suit there 31 years ago, and last year, we brought the Junior Palate there to get his bar mitzvah suit as well. I can tell you that JP (Junior Palate) is very particular about his clothes (I have no idea where he gets that from), and we only needed less than 10 minutes to find a great bar mitzvah suit for him, with the help of a great salesman.

It was my error then when I let him convince me on New Year’s Day to take him to “Men’s Wearhouse” (hereinafter “MW”)to get a couple of new shirts. I always prefer to go to Milton’s, even though it is about 20 minutes from home, as opposed to anywhere else. But, we have friends who shop at MW and we decided to give it a chance. I had previously purchased a suit from MW in 1997, from their Solomon Pond Mall location. While the suit was actually quite nice, I did not like the saleswoman, who kept calling me at home trying to get me to come in for their next sale, or a new shirt, or their spring tie collection…etc. David Letterman hasn’t had stalkers like this.

In reality, his shopping experience there was fine. The store manager (“Mike”) waited on him, measured him up, and 10 minutes later, we were out of there. Mrs. Palate really liked the shirts and the material, so I thought about going back and seeing what they had for men’s suits, since they were having a buy one, get another for $100 sale. Being someone that has a frequent need for a suit, I figured “why not?”.

I should note here that I am pretty cautious about making any purchase; I analyze and over-analyze the decision until I convince myself it was the right thing to do. I wondered if I was being a traitor to Milton’s, but how could I resist the come-on from George Zimmer and his toupee.

Even though I saw Mike when I returned, he was busy with another customer, and I was “helped” (read “sold a bill of goods”) by “Len”. Len was clearly a guy just burning time while on retirement from his original career, but he certainly had strong opinions about clothes. Since this was a “buy one get one” promotion, I picked out two suits and tried them on. This is where the fun began.

I cannot quite detail the level of frustration I feel when I have to repeat myself, repeat myself, repeat myself. I must have told the tailor at least 3 or 4 times that I like the sleeves of my jackets a little longer. I talk with my hands quite a bit, especially in Court, when I’m pointing at exhibits, and I don’t like it when a lot of sleeve comes out. I also stressed that due to my physique (designed by the finest Chinese chefs and sandwich makers) I like my jacket a little less tailored and more boxy. I repeated this several times while the tailor kept marking up the back of my jacket with that mysterious white chalk. She assured me that they would shape it “just a little” but I kept stressing that I didn’t like it pulled in on the sides. I also told them that I wanted the pants cuffed at the bottom and really didn’t want them coming to the back/bottom of my heel. After $136.00 in alterations, I assumed I’d be ready to go.

A week later, I returned to pick up the suits. I tried the first one on, and immediately I realized that I look like Toulouse-Lautrec; the pants were unusually long. I point this out to Len, and he tells me that they look fine and that this is the current style. I again say that they look too long and ask if they could be taken up, and he tells me “wait until you’ve worn it and you’ll see how they look when you’re out and about.” I also put the jacket on, and the sleeves were too short and the jacket is pulled in on the sides, making it very form fitting (and believe me, my form doesn’t like to be fit). I tell Len that I do not like it at all, and he tells me how great it looks and that people will really like the suit on me. He tells me that sometimes it’s not bad to go away from your comfort zone, and contrary to my normal affect, I let him sell me that line of crap.

When I put the second suit on, the pants were also too long, but this time he agrees with me and has the tailor come out and fix them. I asked why this one and not the other, and he tells me it’s the way the material hangs; the second suit was a heavier material and looked different. Whatever…

Though I am not vain (despite what Carly Simon sang about me), there is something about wearing a new suit for the first time that makes you feel better about yourself. I had a new matching shirt and tie combination, so I was ready to go when I put the first suit on the next morning for a bat mitzvah. Of course, I was immediately deflated when Mrs. Palate said “Is that one of the new suits? It’s too small”. Ouch! So now, it’s too late to change, and we go to the event we me all self-conscious about this suit. It certainly didn’t get any better, when I good friend said to me, after I made a presentation to the bat mitzvah child “Is that a new suit? Your tailor messed that up. The pants are too long and the sleeves aren’t just too short, they’re different lengths, and the jacket is too fitted. Bring that back.” I assure you by now, I am “fit” to be tied.

The next day, we had the party to attend, so I wore the second suit. No sooner had I arrived than someone else said to me “those sleeves are too short, and different lengths. What’s up with that?” Great, now I have two suits that make me look like abnormally long arms and 24 inch legs. I assure you, I spent the rest of that day particularly unhappy.

Tune in tomorrow for what I did about it! Hint-I didn’t stretch my legs or shorten my arms.

Much ado about deli...

2010-01-30T18:30:00.005-05:00

Without further ado (or much ado about nothing…), let’s review some of the highs, and lows, of the local deli delights…

Filling the bill (and the belly) of my traditional deli experiences would be Rein’s in Vernon, CT, Zaftig’s in Brookline and the S & S Restaurant in Inman Square in Cambridge. Kugel’s in Framingham is a close, but not quite, wannabe, and Joan & Ed’s is like a “Stepford” deli-has some fake essence of the real thing, but not quite real at all.

Let’s discuss.

As I have said in prior posts, my delis need to have big sandwiches, great pickles, traditional “Jewish-style” delicacies (in other words, some foods normal people wouldn’t be caught dead eating, although many of these food will kill you) and some sweaty guy in the back cutting some smoked meat. Great delis will be very popular, and engender a dedicated following. Honestly, there aren’t that many here to choose from, but here goes…from the bottom:

Joan and Ed’s Deli, Natick, MA-I gotta admit, like a dog whistle, this is lost on me. I have never enjoyed one thing I’ve eaten there. I find it passable, but their location (at the former Shopper’s World in Framingham) went from bad to worse when they moved across to the strip plaza at Sherwood Plaza. While they have a deli case up front for take out and “per pound” deli, there is something not quite right about it. I find the affect of the staff to be off-putting, and their prices surprisingly high for food whose quality is somewhat questionable. I know they have followers, but I’m not one, though they do a big “shiva” business. On a positive note, they give you the requisite half-sour pickles and a small container of cole slaw at the time of seating. Just don’t dare ask for more…

Kugels, Framingham, MA-Kugels has been a favored breakfast place among the locals and older crowd. They have switched owners a few times, but the menu seems to stay the same. They have the usual standards, both for breakfast and lunch. I have to admit I do like a good breakfast, and the few times I’ve eaten there, it’s been good enough. Problematically, it’s very small, and in an obscure location (in Trolley Square in Framingham Center). The tables are squeezed together tightly, and I could smell the guy at the next table better than I could smell my food. Though the menu says “deli”, the environment is more “sandwich shop”. That being said, I went for lunch yesterday and had a hot brisket sandwich, with extra gravy on the side for dipping. Though the brisket was sliced thinner than I’d like, it was tasty. My dining companion Sterling got a fresh-roasted turkey sandwich, which was too large for her to finish, but was fresh and tasty as well. Kugels is about half way to being a deli. The menu is right, but not the location or décor.

S & S Restaurant, Cambridge, MA-The S & S is pretty close to what people imagine for a deli, except without the hanging meat, guys with filthy aprons, or cutesy deli décor. It’s a big floor plan, with multiple rooms, and really long lines. You can always tell a popular deli by people’s willingness to wait for the food-I am usually unwilling. I admit that I was only there for a breakfast on a Sunday morning, but it was packed with all sorts of people ordering all the classic deli breakfasts…smoked fish, bagels, eggs. The lunch menu looks huge, with all the standards…if you’re in Cambridge, this could be a place to eat.

Rein’s Deli, Vernon, CT-I always think that you have to beware of places that are so well known. If you have ever driven I-84 from Boston to NY, you know that passing through the Nutmeg State (is that the best CT could do?) means passing Rein’s in Vernon, CT. I admit that not only did I pass it, I did so with glee, not being pulled in by its siren song of smoked meats. I remember going there once when I was a kid, and my parents being shocked at the prices. Now as an adult, I passed it for years, never having the desire to stop. That changed about a year ago, when I was convinced by some traveling companions to pull in for a sandwich.

Rein’s touts itself as a New York style deli. It’s at the end of a strip plaza, and when you walk in, there is usually a huge line, but in true NY fashion, the wait staff hurries you out and pushes people through. Though the lines are long, the wait is not, but be forewarned, you’ll be shown the door as soon as your plate is cleared.

Rein’s menu is typical deli, but they have the décor and good to back it up. I think on my most recent trip there, they may have switched to all Hebrew National meats, except the smoked ham, of course. Their menu is huge, and you can get sandwiches in two sizes. I like a good Reuben and Rachel (cole slaw instead of sour kraut), and Rein’s makes a pretty decent one. Their fries, as touted by my friend Judy, are really good, and since Rein’s is on the direct route between Boston and NY City, you’re bound to see someone you know. The Fung Wah bus won’t be stopping here, but probably a day trip from Hebrew Senior Life.

Zaftig’s, Brookline, MA-this is an updated version of an old-fashioned deli. The menu is replete with the usual suspects…the knishes, the kishke, the kugel…but filled with so much more. They serve breakfast anytime (better than Bickford’s), and along with the basic omelets, they have some funky offerings such as a Mackintosh Apple and Vermont Cheddar omelet. I had a corned beef Rachel (light rye, corned beef, cole slaw and Russian dressing, no cheese, toasted). The ambiance is right on, the menu covers all the bases, and then some, and the food is good. Your daddy’s deli, this ain’t, and I like it. Apparently I like my delis like my women and Zaftig’s in Brookline was the best of the bunch.

Honorable mention has to go to the best sandwich shop hoping to be a deli-Sam LaGrassa’s in the Downtown Crossing area of Boston. I saw LaGrassa’s on “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives” on the Food Network, and met up with charter subscriber Ben there for lunch this past week. LaGrassa’s is a small place with some individual and communal tables. The have a huge sandwich menu, and everything is made right out in the open. The table of steamed smoked meats and cold cuts looks good, and they have prompt and efficient service. Ben and I got the same thing-the pastrami/corned beef combo with Russian dressing and cole slaw. A non-toasted Rachel, with double the fat content. Quite delicious, though I didn’t feel that well after eating. I wonder if it was my body’s way of saying “enough is enough”.

LaGrassa’s had some nice sandwiches, and the stuff other people were eating also looked good, but without the traditional deli items, it isn’t really a deli. I would give it a strong recommendation for a sandwich shop, but for a “deli”, not so much.

While I have enjoyed this trip around the knish for you, I think I need to follow my mother, and doctor’s advice-next food quest, salads!!!

Deli Dearth

2010-01-28T21:04:00.001-05:00

As I waddle from deli to deli, I’ve come to the realization that you ask five people where to find a good deli, and you get 10 opinions, and those opinions won’t even agree on what makes a deli. Having been to many places, I have particular images that are conjourned when I hear the word deli.

About 15 years ago, a colleague invited me to meet him for lunch; he said that he had just discovered a new “deli” in my town, and wanted to grab a sandwich; he told me he’d pick me up in 10 minutes. I hop in the car, and he tells me it’s up the street. I have lived in the MetroWest my whole life, pretty much, and I know every place, and I hadn’t sniffed out a new deli, especially one right on Route 30 in Framingham, but I’ll play along. So he drives us over to the Lechmere Mall, and takes me to “Makkas Pizza”. I said to him “Dude, this is a pizza joint.” He says “yeah, but they have good sandwiches.” Well, that ain’t no deli.

That incident always reminds me how we all have different views of things. To my friend, who hails from the south, any sandwich shop I guess qualifies as a deli. I suppose he would think that “Subway” or “D’Angelo’s” qualifies. I suppose some people think a deli is any place that can produce deli-meat sandwiches, in which case “Store 24” or your local Shell Gas Mart qualify. Now that’s good eatin’.

As an aside, this is not to say that you can’t buy good deli meat at a deli counter in a market. I am particularly fond of the hot pastrami (out of a steam table) at The Crown Market in West Hartford, CT or the corned beef at Larry Levine’s in Peabody, MA (in addition to the corned beef, they sell the most sublime Hebrew National Natural Casing Hot Dogs…).

As I said in an earlier post: “One thing that I have observed over the years is the differing ideas of what really make a “deli”. To me, with my heritage, I expect a massive menu of over-stuffed sandwiches, as well as other traditional sides (such as knishes, kasha, and kishke). The ambiance is completed by pickles in jars, salamis and other netted meats hanging from the ceiling, and sweaty old men in filthy, formerly white aprons, cutting the meat and swearing under their breath in Yiddish.” Mostly, it means feeling a little guilty you’ve eaten some of this stuff, and knowing you shouldn’t be doing this on an every day basis.

I have discovered that there is a dearth of delis in the Metro Boston area…even Boston itself doesn’t have that many. In addition to the few I’ve already posted about, I have eaten at six others. As my arteries clear, I have begun my reviews. In tomorrow and Saturday’s posts, in anticipation of my appearance on WBZ 1030AM Saturday night at midnight on the “Jordan Rich Show”, I will share my thoughts with you on the local deli scene, as well as my favorite.

For now, enjoy some stuffed derma…it’ll get you right in the “kishkes”…

No Oasis...

2010-01-10T22:06:00.005-05:00

I thought I’d kick off the details of the deli quest by describing our experience at the “Deli Kasbah”. It’s been several months since I “enjoyed” this experience, but some things just stick with you for a while, including the meal itself.

I note from their website that they are now known as just “Kasbah”-this is probably just as well, because it was less a deli and more a full-serve restaurant. And by “full-serve”, I mean that our waiter was as warm as Mickey Goldmill or Clint Eastwood in “Gran Torino”.

This could have been one of the stranger dining experiences ever. First, the place is located in a basement at 251 WEST 85th Street NY, NY-to get there, you go down two steps, physically, and socially. Second, they have flat panel TVs all around the restaurant. In your normal place, they’d be showing a football or baseball game. At the Deli Kasbah, where the owners apparently belong to the Chabad movement, they are showing propaganda films of the Lubavitcher Rabbi lecturing throngs of people about the coming of the Messiah. You can only imagine the scene; this film was just like the ones you see from Germany in the 30s, except there’s the late Rabbi pounding his fist on a podium. The sound was turned down, but I could only imagine him yelling “you, eating the corned beef…what’s the matter with you? Why haven’t you called your mother? Wear a sweater, it’s cold out. Where’s your hat? Try the chicken soup…Donate money...” It was very disconcerting.

The food was ok, but if you check the menu, you can see it’s more regular meals than deli. I did get pastrami, which was better than average, but not great. Other people got a Middle Eastern plate with hummus and a variety of meat dishes.

In addition to the usual deli sandwiches, they have some uniquely named meals. There’s “Yoseph’s Dream Steak” where apparently, instead of interpreting dreams about the baker and butler, he’s dreaming about a “Tender center cut rib eye steak, sliced and marinated by our chef in a red wine and mushroom sauce "Joey's Special" Eric says-that’s great, as long as “Joey” doesn’t mean “baby kangaroo”. There’s also “King Moshiach’s Rib Steak”, described as “a 22 oz. rib steak with a HUGE bone, served with red wine sauce” (emphasis theirs). The bone is so HUGE, it’s really 4 ounces of meat and 18 ounces of bone, for a mere $44.95. For that price, the Rebbe should cut it up and serve it to you.

The food was fine, but this was not a particularly good example of a NY deli. Next…

Breaking Bread

2010-01-07T21:44:00.002-05:00

A brief break from injecting corned beef pickling into my veins. I’d love to hear from some of you about what makes a shop a “deli”. How do you define deli? I want to make I hit a broad cross-section for the consuming public…so bring it on.

The Trouble with Burritos...

2009-12-27T21:56:00.004-05:00

They are out there…and we are about to be taken over-overrun in fact. I’m not talking about aliens…I’m talking about burrito joints. Let’s take a brief break from Deli December and talk about the proliferation of burrito joints. I am puzzled why over the past 3 years these places seem to be popping up with more frequency than “Tribbles”. The burrito places are the rabbits of the food chain.

White City Plaza in Shrewsbury is a good place to start. Essentially, you can stand in the center island on Route 9 and see Chipotle, Q-Doba and Moe’s, all of which make their money from the now-ubiquitous burrito. Throw in a Boloco and Baja Fresh, and it’s the Holy Quintet of burritos…

As I have written in the past, in the Metrowest, within a quarter mile of each other, Chipotle and Boloco battle for wrapped tortilla supremacy. I now lean towards Chipotle because I think the fewer number of menu items the fewer opportunities for screw-ups. But despite my preferences, I wonder every time I pass on of these places…why? Why now, why here? Have we learned nothing from Dr. Atkins and reducing our consumption of “white” carbs? How healthy is a flour tortilla stuffed with rice and beans and some meat? Despite containing a full “recommended daily allowance” of carbohydrates, it hasn’t stopped people consuming these football-sized meals. Moe’s features the “Homewrecker” a/k/a the “Toiletwrecker”. Even with such an appetizing name, people keep coming back for more.

In the future, I’ll be reviewing these in more depth. But someone please, share with me the marketing strategy that makes the Metro-Boston area so primed for burritos.

Deli Derailed...

2009-12-19T21:13:00.002-05:00

I know it’s been a while, but I find it hard to write while in a deli coma…

As a reminder, I am another food quest…this time for deli delights. While I continue my tour of the best, and worst, delis in the local metropolitan Boston area, I’ve been distracted by a substantial home improvement project, and as some of you have observed, at the worst possible time of year; we are “moving on up”, but waited to tear the roof off our house until the temperatures went below freezing. But, the guys are doing a great job, and we soldier on, as I plot and execute my attack. For a little teaser, let’s talk about “Noah’s Ark” in the Lower East Side of NY.

Some friends brought me some deli take-out on a recent trip to NYC. Besides the pound of hot pastrami that we’ll discuss in a future post, I want to bring your attention to perhaps the most sublime item ever sold in a deli-the “stuffed knish.” For those of you unfamiliar, a knish is puff pastry or dough stuffed with something, most often potato or meat. Some places stuff them with vegetables, as if that’s going to make it less bad for you.

I enjoy a big fatty sandwich as much as the next person, but when I discovered the “stuffed knish”, I had moved to another level. Here’s the deal on the stuffed knish-first, take a potato knish the size of a softball, then cut it in half and stuff a quarter pound of your favorite fatty deli meat inside. Assemble it like a sandwich, and serve with a defibrillator. I had the pleasure of getting a stuffed knish with potato and pastrami, and another with caramelized onions and mushrooms. These pictures don’t just say 1000 words, they say 1000 calories!!! Maybe more.

I had the pleasure of eating these two monstrosities, with help, over a period of four days. Everything about these was perfect-the dough/crust, the potato filling, the tender pastrami, and the tasty mushrooms and onions…eating these were a party in my mouth! An orgiastic feast for my palate.

I’m happy to hear from you readers with your suggestions in the Boston area. I’m trying to get too as many as I can. Join me, with Jordan Rich on “The Jordan Rich Show” on WBZ 1030 AM Saturday night, January 30, 2010 when we talk about these delis, and I assure you, more about being stuffed with a “stuffed knish.”

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh….This is a library

2009-11-18T21:41:00.006-05:00

I was recently in Portsmouth (as noted in an earlier post), looking for a nice dinner spot, and talked-up one of the hotel front-desk employees for recommendations…she came up with “The Library” on State Street.

Their website touts it as “The Best Steak House on the Seacoast” in one of the “most valued landmarks.” Modest, they are not, but despite the hyperbole, the succeeded on every level.

If you ever went to “Finally Michael’s” in Framingham, MA, then you know exactly what The Library is all about. It is located in an old, historic building, with very high ceilings, bookcases filled from floor to ceiling, multiple fireplaces throughout the room, linen tablecloths and napkins (one comment here though-they should have the option of black napkins in addition to white, so that white lint won’t show up on dark colored clothing). We had a 7:00pm reservation, and we were promptly seated upon our arrival, in a quiet corner near a fireplace.

The menu can be best described as “continental/steakhouse” with the typical offerings of beef, beef and slightly more beef. For a meatatarian like myself, I’ll embrace the cow, and all its delicious parts, but for Mrs. Palate, the choices are somewhat limited, and for the second night, it seemed that salmon was her choice.

From the start of the meal and all the way through, our waiter was extremely attentive and prompt, yet unobtrusive. He appeared when needed, but didn’t bother us during the meal. He listened carefully as Mrs. Palate explained her food allergies, and checked with the Chef to ensure there would be no mistakes. Though he seemed young, the waiter clearly was well trained and took pride in his work, which we greatly appreciated.

For dinner, we each had a mixed green salad, with homemade red wine vinaigrette (and not the kind they doled out at The York Steakhouse). I had the 16oz sirloin (just not up for the “Man v. Food” challenge of a 24oz Rib-eye steak), sautéed spinach and we split an order of roasted mushrooms. Mrs. Palate had “Pan Roasted Scottish Salmon” with white beans and fall vegetables in a light garlic broth and a sweet potato. My steak was tender and cooked to perfection, and the fish was expertly prepared and was very pleasant in presentation and in taste, with the garlic broth and vegetables. The other sides were also very good and served hot and fresh.

While we did not have coffee or dessert, the dessert tray included some wonderful looking items, including a very rich looking “7 Layer Chocolate Cake” and the “Peanut Butter Pie.” After a full day of outlet shopping and a very satisfying meal, I just couldn’t force in one more bite...but Mrs. Palate and I both agreed: The Library was an excellent experience and grossly exceeded our recent meal at Morton’s. I give The Library a “platinum palate” and “two forks up”.

Of course, by the time we got back to our hotel (a 3 minute ride), I was ready to go…for ice cream. So, in the pouring rain, we walked down to the waterfront to Annabelle’s Ice Cream. I had a very small cup, and it was quite tasty, but the impressive part was that all their homemade ice cream is certified “Kosher”. The owner told us that it’s expensive, but worth it, and we found out that he services over 100 retail outlets besides his own shop. Got to give him props for the Kosher certification, and in the future, we’ll be giving him our ice-cream consumption business when in Portsmouth. I would encourage others to do so as well.

Next time you’re in Portsmouth, enjoy The Library and Annabelle’s Ice Cream, but for now, enjoy “Eat It” by Weird Al…

Brought to you by the MPAA...

2009-11-17T21:46:00.002-05:00

New rating system…

I am willing to entertain suggestions on a rating system for the blog. After all these years of eating and writing, it’s time to come up with my signature line. Like Siskel and Ebert, I could co-op “two thumbs up” or maybe, more appropriately, “two tongues up.” But, things are not always black or white, and therefore a scale might be necessary. Tonight, I unleashed the “precious metal” system, where I will rate things as “Platinum Palate” (the highest), then gold, silver, bronze, and lead (the worst.)

I don’t love it, and don’t want to be derivative, so feel free to email me or post here your thoughts on a new rating system. If yours is chosen, there might be special surprise sent your way…

Let the ideas flow…

Pass the meat please…

2009-11-17T21:02:00.003-05:00

In preparation for Deli December, Mrs. Palate and I got away for the weekend and sojourned to Portsmouth, NH. Portsmouth has a disproportionate number of restaurants in light of their population, with an eatery practically on every corner, and a few in between. Coincidentally, this was the end of their “Restaurant Week”, and many places were offering special, multi-course meals.

We decided to hit “Muddy River Smokehouse” for dinner Friday night. Muddy River is right in downtown Portsmouth, on Congress Street, and has a small, funky bar area in front; but as you walk to the back, into the dining room, it gets funkier. The décor could be best described as “roadhouse” or “shack”. I’m ok with it, so long as they don’t let the décor draw their attention away from the food. Having been there before, I assure you they know their way around a smoker.

We went to dinner with my cousins, and they beat me into submission to start the meal with a traditional Southern appetizer…Fried Pickles. I’m as game as the next guy, but I wasn’t sure about these, but I have to say, I’ve seen the light (as well as the grease). I am embracing the pickle. These little dill pickles slices, coated and fried, were like little slices of heaven, dipped in horseradish. A party in your mouth! These little devils definitely warmed me up for the meal…these come highly recommended.

After a one-minute respite, my ribs appeared…I ordered a full rack of beef ribs, which I believe was 8 ribs. These were not puny ribs from some anorexic cow…this cow was well fed (think closing credits from “The Flintstones”). The ribs were nicely smoked, then grilled and sauced. While I usually like my ribs dry, I neglected to mention that to the waitress (who had a pleasant Steely Dan-esque name, “Aja”), and even though the sauce was a little sweeter than I prefer, it was a nice compliment to the char-crust on the ribs. Not to worry, Mom, I only ate half, and sent the other half home with my cousin, for her husband. I only sampled the cole slaw (more vinegar-based with seemingly little, if any mayonnaise) and garlic mashed potatoes, but a very well executed meal consistent with the smokehouse theme. Mrs. Palate had “candied smoked salmon” and a cup of the vegetarian chili…she was very high on the chili, and satisfied with the fish from a smokehouse. Put together the fried pickles, beef ribs and Crestor, and that’s a meal!

Revealing our new rating system (which will be described in depth in future postings), having been the Muddy River three times, and never disappointed, we give it a golden palate (second to the top rating).

More later, but for now, enjoy some blues…

Rock the Kasbah…

2009-11-06T21:11:00.001-05:00

By special agreement, a new food quest has been launched. “The Hunt for Deli December” (“the Hunt” for short) has begun.

From Wikipedia: “Delicatessen” is a term meaning "delicacies" or "fine foods”.
The term delicatessen has a secondary meaning in some countries, referring to stores that sell delicatessen, hence a shortened term for delicatessen store, sometimes additionally shorted to the informal term “deli”.

I suppose around here “deli” is NOT synonymous with “fine foods”, but perhaps delicacies- pickled tongue, chopped liver and kishke (stuffed intestine, for the uninformed)? A deli meal is an interesting experience, made even more adventurous by the aforementioned foods.

One thing that I have observed over the years is the differing ideas of what really make a “deli”. To me, with my heritage, I expect a massive menu of over-stuffed sandwiches, as well as other traditional sides (such as knishes, kasha, and kishke). The ambiance is completed by pickles in jars, salamis and other netted meats hanging from the ceiling, and sweaty old men in filthy, formerly white aprons, cutting the meat and swearing under their breath in Yiddish. To others, a sandwich shop like D’Angelo’s or Subway/Quizno’s is a deli…what is wrong with these people? Fine foods…delicacies???

So, for you, my consuming public, I am on the hunt…I am going to sample the best, and likely some of the worst, of local delis. If you have any suggestions, bring them on.

So far, I’ve eaten at the Deli Kasbah in NYC, sampled the wares of Noah’s Ark, also in NYC, Rein’s Deli in Vernon, CT, Zaftig’s in Brookline, MA, Kugels’s in Framingham, MA, Joan and Ed’s in Natick, MA and S & S Restaurant in Cambridge, MA. Plenty more to come, culminating with a deli discussion on WBZ 1030AM on Saturday night, January 30, 2010. Tune in, here, and there, to talk about the best, and worst, of deli.

Farewell my friend...

2009-10-31T20:28:00.002-04:00

Please permit me to venture away from my usual critical self to honor and celebrate the life of a good man, my friend and teacher, Dr. George Marcus, who passed away unexpectedly last Saturday.

George was a great fan of this blog. He would often comment “I don’t know half the stuff you’re talking about, but it’s funny.” He would often encourage me to write more but also often chastised me for the food I would consume, but he did it with love. I think he would get a kick of me writing about him.

George touched many people. As the former director of Camp Tel Noar in New Hampshire, as well as being the Executive Director of the Cohen Foundation, he had the opportunity to touch, and enhance, the lives of many young people. His impact cannot be overstated; a Facebook group started in his memory went viral as soon as the word got out and in just a few short days, had over 650 members. Go to “RIP Dr. George Marcus” on Facebook and read what people say about this wonderful man.

I had the honor and privilege to deliver a eulogy for George this past Wednesday; it’s a honor I wish I never had to accept, but I was honored to be asked, and glad to be able to share some of my thoughts with the over 750 attendees. You read correctly-more than 750 people whom George touched in some way…a tragic loss, but a glorious send-off…exactly what he deserved. I was happy to play a small part, but will miss him terribly, as will everyone who knew him.

Kosher Gas Station in Brooklyn NY

2009-10-31T19:11:00.000-04:00

Fill it up with "regular" and I'll have the pastrami...

Kosher Gas Station in Brooklyn NY

What we have here, is a failure to communicate...

2009-09-25T22:23:00.003-04:00

I recently saw a movie about someone unjustly accused and convicted of murdering his wife. While in prison, he’s befriended by a grizzled old inmate, with a “tough on the outside, soft on the inside” persona, a rag-tag band of half-wits, who together, ultimately outsmart a cruel warden and his vicious head-guard. After he makes his escape, in a complicated scheme, he ends up in a beachfront community where his friend meets him up and they live happily ever after in freedom.

Of course, I’m talking about “Deathrace” but I am wondering if I’ll ever get those 2 hours of my life back.

I have some friends (you know who you are…) who claim that “The Shawshank Redemption” is amongst the greatest movies ever made. That may be true, if the greatest movies list includes “Caged Heat” and “Mannequin 2”, and any movie with Judd Nelson, but I have to admit, it was a disappointment for me. If you’ve seen one “beating all odds” type of movie, you’ve seen them all. Sure, it was better than some prison movies, but not as good as some others, like “Papillon”, “Brubaker” or “Con Air”.

These movies follow a set formula: unjust conviction, abuse at the hands of vicious guards/warden/other inmates, an old, wise inmate helping the new guy, new guy survives and thrives, and justice prevails in the end. Society loves underdog stories, and somehow prison movies make us root for the underdog, even if he murdered his wife.

“Deathrace” is a loose remake of the 1975 Roger Korman classic “Deathrace 2000” starring the sexually repressed David Carradine and an up and coming Sly Stallone. The premise was a race across the United States, where the drivers won points for running down spectators and each other (if only someone had come up with this for the Cannonball Run movies...).

Roger Korman and Hollywood had the brilliant idea to “re-make” the movie-there must have people clamoring for this; behold “Deathrace” starring Jason Statham. Instead of a race across the country, this game is played with inmate on an island prison; win 5 races and earn your freedom. Like “Shawshank”, Statham is unjustly accused and convicted of murdering his beautiful wife, is smart and soft-spoken, is befriended by a “tough on the outside, soft on the inside” older inmate, is admired by a rag-tag bunch of half-witted inmates, and outsmarts a cruel warden and head guard. Spoiler alert!!! After busting loose, he ends up in a sunny paradise with his inmate buddy. Sound familiar? Try “Deathrace Redemption” or “Shawshank Deathrace.”

I guess this speaks to the bigger problem with Hollywood-a dearth of original ideas. Did we really need a remake of “Deathrace 2000”? Do we need a remake of “Fame”? Isn’t Irene Cara already unfortunately living forever? (I was gonna run with Gene Anthony Ray, but tragically, he’s gone to the big performing arts school in the sky). What’s next, “The Eleven Commandments” and “The Godfather, 4D”?

For a look at what high school lunch is usually like...

Let's Go to the Mall...

2009-09-25T17:53:00.001-04:00

Back in the late 70s and early 80s, if you wanted to eat at the Natick Mall, your choices were Brigham’s, The Sandwich Board, a café’ in Sears, or my favorite, The York Steakhouse (Number 4, medium, baked potato with butter). In the early 80s, the mall renovated and added a small “food court” which brought such dining delights as Papa Gino’s pizza, Orange Julius (whoever he was) and some generic Chinese food stand. I’m sure there were a few more, but they were so generic, they just blended right in. Dining at the mall was nothing special.

I avoid the malls like the plague, Celine Dion concerts and Meryl Streep movies, but I found myself wandering the Natick Collection briefly at lunch yesterday, so my mall companion and I decided to stop at the Food Court for lunch.

I don’t know when the trend changed from crap to more exciting and exotic choices, but the new Natick Mall, among others, now features P.F.Changs, the Cheesecake Factory, the Met Bar and Grill, Sel De La Terre, California Pizza Kitchen and Friendly’s. Other malls have some selection of the foregoing, but also Bertucci’s and TGI Friday’s (but when you eat there, you really wish it was Mondays.) Obviously, the array of choices has expanded to suit any palate, but for pedestrian fare, there’s still the food court.

When the mall re-opened in the mid-90s, the new “Food Court” was big news. There were a number of new choices, and there was a lot of puffery about how many people it could seat (more like how many head of cattle it could slaughter…) an how bright and airy it was (remember, even prison dining halls have windows…). There was a soup place (with their “cutting edge” “bread boule), a grill where they could make sandwiches and salads, a Nathan’s hot dog stand, Hagen Daaz, and the usual other suspects.

Now that the mall’s been opened for almost 15 years, things have changed. They have cleared out a lot of the seating, changed the flooring and gotten rid of the H1N1 magnet-the kids play area. Most noticeably, a number of the places have changed or left, leaving only one wall of selections, and frankly, not very good ones at that. After all the fanfare, now that the smoke has cleared, all that’s left is Sbarro, Salad Creations, Master Wok, Cajun Cafe, McD, Gourmet India, D'angelo, and Sarku Japan. A motley crew…

One thing that interests me about the food courts and these places is that now they have someone standing in front of each place offering you a sample. Stop past Master Wok and try a sample of “General Chicken”; go past Cajun Café and try “Bourbon Chicken”; walk past Gourmet India and try “Curry Chicken”; walk past Sarku Japan and try a sample of “Teriyaki Chicken”. After circling the food court 2 or 10 times, I don’t need to order anything anywhere.

Standing alone, the samples aren’t bad, but when did each of these places essentially turn into Chinese buffets? At Master Wok, you can get “General Chicken” with white or fried rice, or lo-mein noodles, mixed vegetables and either a chicken finger or an egg roll. At Cajun Café, try the “Bourbon Chicken” (that tastes suspiciously like “General Chicken”) and get it with white or fried rice, noodles, and some “Cajun vegetables”. At Sarku, get the “Chicken Teriyaki” with white or fried rice or noodles, and steamed vegetables. There is almost not differentiation at any of these places. I don’t think it really matters, since in my mind, there’s just one large kitchen in back making all the food then pushing a little to each place.

If you’re Master Wok, or any other Chinese food court establishment, I embrace you and want you to stick to your strong points, but all others…GMaB!!! I don’t recall any Cajun food really having an egg roll with it, or spicy Cajun wonton soup.

I have so much more to say, for someone that spends such little time at the mall. I’ll leave you with this thought-is that really chicken? I noticed the pigeon population has diminished…

You’ve been great. Enjoy “Tiffany”.

Good to the Bone

2009-09-09T21:43:00.002-04:00

While still holding on to fresh memories of Wings Over Framingham (and probably the wings themselves), Sterling enticed me to go to The Chicken Bone Saloon (aka “The Bone”), less than a mile from “Wings Over…”. The Bone has been there for years…I remember going there once, when I felt tougher. It’s in an area of Framingham that is literally “on the other side of the tracks” and if you went, you went down two steps, physically, and socially. Glad to say, while still a bar room, it is much more family-friendly, and becoming so popular tat they’ve opened a second seasonal location right near Fenway Park. Check out The Bone here!

Sterl and I decided to get take-out and bring the stuff back to the office. I was afraid I hadn’t set up a fair fight with “Wings Over…” because I ate those at the airplane hanger/warehouse fresh from the kitchen, but we were on a limited schedule.

The Bone has a very extensive menu…reminding me a bit of the Anchor Bar, both in choices, and décor. After much consideration, I ordered the “garlic hot” (which is traditional hot Buffalo sauce with added garlic) with a side of “thermonuclear”; Sterling got boneless wings with traditional hot Buffalo. With nervous anticipation, we opened the to-go cartons, and were duly impressed. The aroma was sublime and they were still scorching hot and fresh. First impressions: these really held up well in take-out containers, and they were very appetizing looking. Second impressions: very meaty and fresh, similar to “Wings Over…”. What was especially impressive was that the skin was still crisp even though they were doused in sauce-that can be hard trick to pull off, and they did it well (since I had dry wings at “Wings Over…”, I’ll have to go back to do this comparison.)

Other impressions: the ratio of flats to drummies was not aligned. In an 8 piece order, I had 3 flats and 5 drummies (must have been from Chernobyl chicken!). Doesn’t much matter to me, since I like both parts equally, but I just thought it would be even. Also, “The Bone” tosses in a tremendous handful of carrots and some celery, whereas “Wings Over…” just gives a couple pieces of celery (and what do you do, if you’re like me and hate celery?). Also, “Wings Over…” gives you a food service container of blue cheese dressing, about the size of a shot glass with a hermetically sealed foil cover. “The Bone” gives you a cup twice that size (the size of a kid’s beverage), filled with chunky blue cheese dressing…advantage “The Bone”.

To be the champ you gotta beat the champ…Sterling was right all these years, “The Bone” wins, in quality of packaging, crispness after saucing, quantity of veggies, and menu choices. That’s not to say that “Wings Over…” isn’t good-they are, but even with a tie in wing quality, the tie has to be broken with the veggies.

Epilogue: Nothing like a food coma to prevent you from being effective at work, and there’s nothing worse than a fried food coma. I gotta admit, two days in a row of fried wings forced me to realize that I can’t eat like this anymore, though I’m not sure I ever could. But, as always, I am here to serve you, my dedicated and hungry readers.

You’ve been great…enjoy the chicken dance.

Wings Over the Bone...

2009-09-09T20:00:00.002-04:00

I was reading “This is Framingham.com”, and I saw that “Wings Over Framingham” has opened at the old Long Pontiac location on Rte. 135 in Framingham. In an odd twist of market research, they decided to put it less than a mile from their main competitor, “The Chicken Bone Saloon.”

In the spirit of “secondratesnacks.com” (authored by the same woman from "This Is Framingham.com", I decided to do a taste test to see which one was truly “King of the Wing” and which is the derivative impostor. Not quite a side by side, but day by day test.

For a couple of years, Sterling has been singing the praises of “The Bone” and now, we could put the rubber to the road and get these two giants of the chicken wing to go head to head, or “beak to beak”, as the case may be. Having eaten at the Anchor Bar in Buffalo, NY, the recognized inventor of the Buffalo wing, I feel especially well qualified and prepared to render my opinion. Who am I kidding? Even if I hadn’t eaten there, I am still full of opinions.

A few weeks ago, I dined at “Wings” with faithful reader Mike S. and Thursday at the “Bone” with charter subscriber Sterling. Ezekiel saw the wheel…this is the wheel he said he saw (gratuitous shout-out to the first person to email me telling us where that quote is from, and I’m not referring to the Woody Guthrie song.)

First stop, “Wings Over Framingham.” You can find out more about the “Wings Over…” franchise at their website. Since it began in Amherst, MA (long after my departure), I should be inclined to like it. Back when I was stalking the mean streets of Amherst (with some brass knuckles and a sock filled with a few rolls of quarters), the only choice was “Wings Express”, which was down a small alley behind the stores on North Pleasant Street, just around the corner from that bastion of fine Mexican dining…Taco Villa!

The “ambiance” of ‘Wings Over…” is sort of like the ambiance of an airline hanger. Convenient, since they somehow try to confusingly incorporate an airplane theme. It is very industrial, and the Framingham location, located in an old car dealership, is mostly take-out with extremely limited seating. Thankfully, we employed the patented “stand over the people and make them uncomfortable” technique. However, I’ve seen fraternity house kitchen tables cleaner…I felt bad for the girl working clean-up.

Mike got the “West Texas Mesquite” wings and I got the “Cajun Blackened.” Both of these are dry-spiced wings, as opposed to the sopping wet wings you get at most places. We washed these down with waffle fries (Mom, we shared them), and Diet Cokes (just to kid ourselves into thinking we were trying to keep it lo-cal). My wings were fried, then re-spiced and grilled over a flame, I think. We both liked mine better than the “West Texas Mesquite” which was a little sweet; there was a good ratio, 50/50 of “flats” or “wings” to “drummies” or “drumsticks”. They were tasty and meaty, and I give them good marks. Other than the limited seating, I recommend “Wings Over….” I admit I’m not rushing back, but mostly because there’s only so much fried chicken wings you can eat.

However, to be fair to Sterling, who’s been riding me about “The Bone”, I let her convince me to go there the very next day.

Tomorrow, the saga continues, along with filling my Crestor prescription…

2009-09-02T08:33:00.002-04:00

Thanks to Jordan Rich for having me on-air a couple weeks back. Lot's of interesting calls about your favorite local restaurants and your pet peeves...I have a few myself.

For a list of the places people raved about, check out www.jordanrich.com.

Just back from vacation, and percolating a few thoughts...more after the bump.

E

The envelope please...

2009-08-06T21:40:00.004-04:00

I feel a little like the accountants at Price Waterhouse…I have reviewed the nominations and tallied the votes. The only one who holds the key to winner is I…

Let me take a moment to look back on this journey. I am pleased that I was able to embark on this for you, my readers. After dozens of chicken Peking Raviolis, chicken wings, teriyaki sticks and bowls of Hot and Sour Soup…decisions have been made. Without further ado…

The first runner-up…in Framingham…Sichuan Gourmet.

SG is excellent, if you like traditional Sichuan (as they spell it) cuisine. This means that when you eat there, bring your asbestos-covered tongue. “Sichuan” is apparently means “let’s torture the non-Asian diners with the hottest food known to mankind.” I love it, as do the Palateers. Mrs. Palate stopped eating there a few years ago, when they brought her food that contained every possible allergen, even thought she was clear about what she could not consume. Junior Palate and I kept eating there, and recently Mrs. Palate and the Junior Palette joined back in. Without a doubt, their “Kung-Pao Chicken” is the best I’ve had since the “China Mall” back during law school, and their “Hot and Spicy Fried Chicken Wings” are the best chicken wings in the area. Rounding out our meal is usually Chicken and Chinese Eggplant (not spicy) and “Shredded Chicken with Smoked Cayenne Pepper” (uhhh…very spicy!) If you want them to modify the spice, they’ll do it, but it will still have some. If you fail to mention that you want them to adjust it at all, be forewarned. Eat at your own risk. Hurts so bad.

Now, the winner of the Golden Chopstick…the apex of Wok About 2009…no surprises here…Royal East in Cambridge.

We’ve been dining with friends at Royal East for about 6 years or so. Our first introduction to RE came at the invitation of a friend who was celebrating a birthday in the function room. The menu was done in the style of a traditional Chinese banquet. Now sure, some things served that night were things I was unfamiliar with…fish-head soup, golden fried whole chickens, with their heads and feet attached (and fried) and other various oddities….however, going there many times subsequent, I was introduced to the more sublime and subtle aspects of true Cantonese style cuisine.

Many people ask how to get their kids to eat more vegetables…I say: bring them to Royal East. Since we’ve been dining there, my kids have become fans of pea tendrils, yellow chives, baby bok choy and Chinese eggplant. Our usual meal there consists of soup, then an appetizer course of chicken dumplings (think Peking Ravioli, but with ground chicken instead of pork) and chicken with yellow chives (served in a pancake, like moo-shi), then main courses of Beef Chow-Foon with onion and green peppers, sliced chicken with ginger and scallion and sizzling chicken hot-pot, which comes to your table in a sizzling cast-iron pot with all sort of mysterious, but delicious ingredients.

Of course, for you who delight in the pleasure of bottom-dwelling fish, we have been at a table with Shrimp in Garlic Butter, Lobster 3 Ways (I’ll leave that to your imagination) and a Tamale omelet (yes, lobster liver and eggs!!!) While there, we’ve also been offered Jellyfish and Duck-web. I passed.

One of the nice things about RE is the ability of the staff to make whatever you want, and an owner who comes to the table and can explain what is particularly fresh and what to avoid. Eating there so frequently, we’ve gotten an education on everything from which vegetables can be served with each other and which assortments may cause the world to end, to fish-maw (sp?) soup and why non-Asian people won’t eat that!

We have enjoyed the food at RE so much that we recently hosted the Junior Palate’s kids’ bar mitzvah party. As you can see from these photos, it was a grand time. The owner was kind enough to close the entire restaurant for the day and laid out a buffet for the kids.

If you like seafood, be forewarned…we have been told by Otto, the owner, that there is a substantial difference in the quality of seafood served to a table if the fish has been dead for a while, or if it has been “fresh-killed.” Obviously, fresh-killed is better. At RE, when you see a waiter with a big net at the fish tank at the front entrance, you know someone just ordered the sea bass!

The bottom line on Royal East-if you like your Asian food fresh, your vegetables crisp, and food prepared with the proper balance of seasonings to enhance the flavor of the meat or vegetables, not cover them up, then in my book, RE is on the top of the Great Wall!

I must admit, a few weeks ago, I thought I had consumed enough Chinese food for the rest of my days…I told Mrs. Palate that we needed a break…that break lasted 4 days. We’ve come a long way since the mysterious brown sauce, rolls and butter and stainless bowls with lids. Now I can’t give it up. While a challenge, it was one I gladly undertook for myself, and for you, the dining public. I hope you have enjoyed reading about these exploits and restaurants and hope you choose to patronize a few.

Next up…who knows. But join me and Jordan Rich, as I appear on the Jordan Rich show Saturday night, August 15, 2009, from midnight to 3:30am, while we talk restaurants, dining out and take your calls. Tune in on WBZ 1030am, or www.wbz1030.com.

You’ve been great…next up for me, a challenge against Takeru Kobayashi

The time has come...

2009-08-06T21:32:00.000-04:00

Well, the time has come for the great reveal…the apex of Wok About 2009. But, before the big moment, let me digress and reminisce about a few joints that hold a special place in my heart.

First, no discussion about Chinese food could be complete, for me, or some MIT friends, without an honorable mention to “House of Roy.” Oh Roy, we hardly knew ye…

As I mentioned in past posts, “HOR” was THE Chinese restaurant of my youth. For many years, multiple Sundays a month were spent driving into to Tyler Street in Boston’s Chinatown to enjoy the sumptuous delights of Roy’s chefs…the apex, or nadir, depending on your perspective, was my 13th birthday, when I got to eat my own “House of Roy Special”, which I hastily consumed and promptly gave back in the alley next door. Ahh…the memories.

As I got older and was able to drive myself, many a fun Friday night was spent at the Jade Fountain in Marlboro with some of my good friends. The food there was barely passable, as I recall, but it was always a fun trip, whether in my Plymouth Valiant, Lou’s AMC Eagle or rental Dodge Horizon with a flat tire…it was one of the few places around that offered a “combination plate” for dinner. I remember that the food was served a generous portion of fried rice, and an even more generous portion of MSG!

As I got older and my Asian cuisine palate expanded, it was necessary for me to find acceptable places while away at college. Thankfully my fraternity brother Scott introduced me to “Sze’s” in Northampton. “Sze’s” was a fairly high-end place…the had a nice buffet but only for Sunday brunch. Although it seemed unusual the first time I went, there was something quite pleasurable in a Chinese brunch buffet. Instead of omelets, the made custom “moo-shi” pancakes, with a choice of fillings. The wait staff wore black pants, white shirts and black vests, and soft Asian-style music played in the background. Only fifteen minutes from Amherst, this was seriously sating my Asian cuisine needs.

Also worthy of mention in Amherst in “Panda East.” The original Panda was in Northampton, not far from Sze’s, but they opened a sister restaurant over in Amherst; I guess they thought people wouldn’t drive the 15 minutes down Route 9. I spent a lot of time at Panda, especially with Mrs. Palate and Sister Palate. While their food wouldn’t surprise anyone, I recall it being a nice place for your Chinese cuisine fix…I do note that Panda East is still open. Next time I’m in Amherst, this is a must eat, along with a burger at The Pub and dessert at Bart’s. My mouth is watering just thinking about this.

At last…the moment you’ve been waiting for…the big reveal…up next, after the break.

I'm getting winded...

2009-07-21T23:24:00.001-04:00

How many of you readers out there have run the Boston Marathon? I know who you are…put your hands down. Well, at this point in my Wok About 2009, I feel like I’m half-way up Heartbreak Hill (or in my case “Heartburn Hill) and I just can’t go on. With the encouragement from the girls of Wellesley College and the BC crowd, I feel my spirit rising (if not my sodium levels) and I am beginning to ascend to the apex…

While the food samplings were getting better, I’m still climbing a mountain. At this point, I’m sort of at the base camp of the better places. I put “Imperial China” and “Eo Noodle”, both of Framingham, in this camp. I don’t go to Eo Noodle very often, but was invited to dine with some friends for lunch a few weeks back. While slightly more expensive than most Chinese luncheon joints, I will say that the food was tasty and plentiful. I give this a positive review.

On the same level is “Imperial China” of Framingham. I remember when it was “Pagoda Luau” 30 years ago, then “May Garden” after that, and for the past 15 years, “Imperial China”. I like the food well enough, and it is usually tasty, but oddly, each dish looks eerily similar, but tastes different. If you get “Ma La Chicken” and “Chicken with Ginger and Scallion”, they could be identical twins, but their flavor profiles are totally different and unique. I am intrigued, and perplexed, at the same time. “He is a loathsome, offensive brute, yet I can't look away…”

We like Imperial China…I give their Hot and Sour Soup high marks, and they serve little crispy noodles with the soup at the beginning of the meal. Their prices are a little high considering the amount of food you get, but overall, I am favorably inclined to it. One “feature” some of you may find off-putting, especially if you have kids: the restaurant has a slightly more upscale feel to it’s bar area, which includes a white baby grand piano. They usually have a talented piano player there (and one of my charter Critical Palate subscribers is related to someone in their talent pool so check her out on Thursdays), but the bar does have a little bit of a “super cougar” meat-market feel to it. When I walk in there, I feel like I’ve walked in to a pit bull den with my throat painted with gravy.

Moving up a step, I have to recommend “Chef Chang’s House” in Brookline. This is the granddaddy of all Szechwan style restaurants. I’ve been eating there at least since maybe 1980, perhaps before that.

After spending my formative years dining on chunks of beef or chicken in some MSG-laden mysterious brown sauce, CCH was a revelation. I got to admit, I was pretty comfortable eating my House of Roy special one Sunday a month when my parents told me we were meeting my Aunt Sarah at a “new” Chinese restaurant near her house in Brookline. With some typical attitude, I begrudgingly went along for the ride to CCH, and holy bat crap Batman…a new world was opened to me.

Imagine you’ve spent the first 14 years of your life thinking that Chinese food was battered chicken smothered in a redolent brown sauce with some unknown green vegetables and maybe some water chestnuts (whatever the hell those are) and maybe a shred of carrot or two; Hong Sue Gae anyone? The only Number 69 I was familiar with was Beef and Broccoli, which is in the same sauce that the Hong Sue Gae came in... throw in some dinner rolls and ahhhh, I can almost taste the Moon Palace now.

But then, you arrive at CCH…like Billy Jack returning to the Freedom School. You think the Asian writing looks vaguely familiar, the dark brown and black and red and gold of the décor shouts “Chinese Restaurant”, but alas, this is not the same. But that night, we embarked on a journey from which I have never returned…a journey into…”The Szechwan Zone”!

Gone were the stainless elevated bowls with lids, gone was the dark, semi-sweet fried rice…gone was the watery “Won Ton” soup. Enter, not the Dragon, but Hot and Sour soup and Kung Pao Chicken.

While I haven’t been back to CCH in several months, for its overall impact on my foodie life, I have to strongly recommend it, at least for nostalgic reasons. CCH opened me to the world of flavors and textures and vegetables previously unknown to my family or me. It tipped my Asian cuisine world on its axis, in the best possible way. I have never been the same since.

Coming up next, after the break…the top two…the best of the best of Wok About 2009.

You’ve been great. For now, enjoy “Coven.”

Build a better Mousetrap!

2009-07-14T22:19:00.001-04:00

Ok, so when I look back and think about all my Asian experiences, I can’t help but think, “damn, I ate a lot of crap.” It was tough, but I did it for you, my dining public.

So, we continue to ascend the ladder of food experiences, on our way to the big prize-the world’s largest barf bag!

Now, we’re beginning to get incrementally better.

Up next, “The Wok” in Wellesley. I had a perfectly pleasant lunch there with a “FOP”-“Friend of the Palate”, but I think the company was better than the food. Nothing terrible, but nothing outstanding. A perfectly acceptable place; just keep your expectations in check.

By way of charity, I have to put “Taam China” in Brookline in this category. I do so, because it’s the only all-Kosher entry and I need to give a shout-out to my kosher peeps. As many of you readers know, we keep “kosher” at home, and I do not eat any pork or shellfish or other “traife” items out of the house (some people call this “biblical kosher” meaning that I only eat things that are kosher animals, by definition…other people call it “hypocritical”…doesn’t matter to me what you call it, it works for us.) So, if we’re bringing in Chinese food to the house, it has to be from a kosher place. Taam China isn’t terrible…like in “Chinese food from a gas station” terrible, but it’s not great. The Hot and Sour Soup comes with shredded beef, instead of pork. The rest of the food didn’t cause me to rush to toss my dinner, like the old “Hunan Shalom” did. The problem is also that it’s in Brookline, which is about a half hour from here. I give them high marks for packaging, because by the time you get back here to MetroWest, it’s still hot. Now, if Chai Peking in Atlanta can do that…

I was invited to the FOPs’ house, and was treated to take-out from Shanghai-Tokyo in Natick. This was a pleasant surprise. When I imagine what take-out probably should be, it could be this. The food was fresh, well-packaged, and pretty tasty. Sure, eating from take-out containers isn’t the same as eating from overflowing platters, or even the elevated stainless bowls, but this was pretty good. Thankfully, no Shanghai “surprise” after!

Lotus Flower in Framingham. This place was good for one thing, and one thing only-buffet. I’m not saying it’s great (and certainly the Senior Palate would drive over here and kick my ass if I did), but as far as buffets in the MetroWest go, I like it. I should say I “liked” it, because one of you faithful readers sent me an article from last week’s MetroWest Daily News informing the world that they have been cited for Board of Health violations, as has every dining establishment in that strip plaza in Framingham. So, if you want some “pork to-mein” or “mouse droppings in garlic sauce”, this might be your place.

Ignoring the rat crap for a moment, I do want to point out two stories about Lotus. Many years ago, a friend ate there and had an utterly awful meal. He left a light tip, if any. Well, as he was walking out in the parking lot, the waiter or manager actually chased him down and yelled at him. Always love those sorts of things.

More interestingly, to me, is that when you dine with your kids at Lotus, the wait staff always ask the kids “how old are you?” At first, you think it’s cute, they’re trying to make conversation. Oh, but no, they’re smart…they’re checking the kid’s age to see how much to charge you. Sneaky.

Anyways, I’ve jumped off the Lotus bandwagon, mostly because I like my chicken without the little “black beans” mice leave behind.

Only 9 more to go…can you imagine my sodium levels?

First, Ed McMahon, then Farrah, and now...

2009-07-06T21:39:00.001-04:00

I’m back, after a brief, grief-ridden sojourn to cope with the untimely death of Fred Travelena.

When last I wrote, I was ascending the Chinese food pyramid. I have moved from “underwhelming” to just “whelming.” The Bataan Death March along the Great Wall continues….

Equally whelming as Zheng Garden is “Oriental Pearl”, or “Friendly’s Chinese” as my kids say, since it’s housed in an old “Friendly’s”. All that’s missing is the “Big Beef Cheeseburger” and a “Jim Dandy”. I put OP in the “whelming” category, but it is teetering precariously close to the precipice of falling into “underwhelming.”

For several years, OP was OK…they have a small buffet and the kids liked it. We started meeting other friends there on Friday nights for dinner because it was quick and easy. Unfortunately, we seemed to be the only ones keeping it in business, so they decided to modify their business plan…by adding Keno! Imagine a Friendly’s, with a bar in the front and a small open dining room. Now, not only do we get beef and broccoli, but a side of bar-fly “F-Bombs”. The Keno screens have attracted an element that is less-than-savory for young children. Although the Junior Palette claims that the beef is “really tender” and likes the lo-mein, I don’t like the “f-this” and “f-that(s)”. Since the liquor and Keno is where the money is, the diners are getting short shrift, and because of that, the food is starting to come out like “shrift.”

Next up the food chain, Lotus Blossom in Sudbury, the sister restaurant to Lotus Flower in Framingham. Sadly, LB is trying to be more than it really is, mostly in its price structure. I don’t find anything particularly compelling or off-putting about this place, except the price. One nice feature, that moves them into this category, is that they serve a lot of their food in the old-fashioned stainless steel elevated platform bowls with lids. You don’t see these often enough, but you have little altars of food, with a lid helping to keep the heat in. Props to LB for going old school.

Tied for the best Asian restaurant pretending to be Switzerland is “Lavender”, also in Sudbury; I am neutral on this. I wouldn’t say ambivalence, but I don’t have an opinion either way. I did have one of the worst things I’ve ever had the displeasure of eating-Mala Beef, which came in a pasty curry…inedible. But, it was my fault for ordering it, so I can’t mark them down for that. I’ll have to give it another try because what we did have that was edible was enjoyable.

More coming soon…there were just so many meals…the MSG has slowed me down.

Long live your laundry!!!

2009-06-28T13:38:00.002-04:00

Damn...once again, I've been bumped down on the death pool.

Billy Mays...apparently ate too many Bay City Sliders. Long live his laundry!

Oxy-clean it!

The King is dead…long live the King!

2009-06-26T22:53:00.000-04:00

First David Carradine, then Ed McMahon, Farrah and now the King of Pop. Frankly, this is very upsetting to me, mostly because I had Cronkite in the office death pool…who would have thought Michael Jackson would be taking the eternal dirt nap before Walter Cronkite, or even Patrick Swayze? Nobody puts Billie Jean in a corner.

Hearing the news of Michael’s death immediately brought me back to a friend’s house, watching “Motown 25”, right after the release of “Thriller.” To watch Michael Jackson perform that evening was mesmerizing. What he could do with his feet and the rest of his body was crazy. Who among you have not tried to duplicate his “Moonwalk”? I know some of you even have one of those red leather jacket tucked into a closet. As I told the Junior Palette today, Michael Jackson changed the musical landscape of the ‘80s by ushering in the MTV era. Say what you will about “Video Killed the Radio Star” but the Buggles have nothing on Michael Jackson and “Thriller.”

Michael Jackson’s life unfortunately parallels that of his late father-in-law Elvis (a more legitimate marriage there never was between him and Lisa-Marie…). Elvis burst on the scene as a young performer, hit his stride young, had to make a comeback in 1968, then turned into a bloated shell of his former superstar self. Michael made it 8 years longer than Elvis, but he probably was just a few steps from having cardiac arrest on the crapper. His life had taken tremendously tragic turns, mostly brought on by his own psychosis. Whether it was the issues with skin pigmentation, plastic surgery, sham marriages, his obsession with monkeys and the Elephant Man, or with little boys, his personal life was in shambles. He was “friends” with McCauley Culkin, Liza Minnelli, Liz Taylor and Schmuley Boteach…would you be proud of those? It is unclear to me whether society will remember him more for his music, or for his personal failings.

If anyone saw the 1995 Playboy issue with Farrah Fawcett, we know why we’ll remember her.

From the Radio Waves to your Plate

2009-06-24T21:19:00.002-04:00

Thanks to Jordan Rich, friend and talk-show host extraordinaire on WBZ for having me on to chat about Asian cuisine. As promised, now that my sodium level has fallen back down to more reasonable limits, it’s time to discuss.

Just a little comment on my methodology-at each place, I usually try to order similar items, to compare apples to apples. While eating in a large group, I’ll order a bunch of things, but it always has to include “hot and sour soup” and some version of “Kung Pao Chicken”. It may be called “Szechuan Spicy Chicken” or “Spicy Chicken with Peanuts”, but its still “Kung Pao” to me. Eric likes his chicken spicy!

14 different places, 14 different meals and experiences. I ate at some of these places more than once, and tried some different things; I’ve been with people who like to eat jellyfish and duck-web (tastes like…duck-web!)

In ascending order…

Only one place was truly underwhelming-“Taste of China” in Framingham. TOC is more of a take-out joint than sit down, but there are tables available if you want to sit among the floating grease particles coming from the fryolators…The “Kung Pao” was a thin, watery sauce, and oddly, used salted peanuts. It was heavy with water chestnuts and celery (my least favorite vegetable). The hot and sour soup was thin, with some small pieces of tofu and maybe a few shreds of wood-ear mushroom. I like my soup thick with tofu and mushrooms, and this was a cup full of nothing. After I ate there, I was still in the mood for Chinese food…Thumbs down!

From TOC, things could only get better.

“Zheng Garden” was the first of several “whelming” experiences. ZG has taken the place of “Yummy Tummy” (don’t you just loves some of these names?) in the Nobscot region of Framingham. ZG is also mostly take-out, but with about a dozen tables to dine-in. I ate there one Friday night, and I was the only person in the whole place, though several people came in to pick up some orders. ZG is the type of place where you don’t need a menu. Their core items are combination plates, and they have color photos on the wall of all the choices. If you’ve ever been to a take-out style Chinese restaurant, they all have the same photos, so it shouldn’t be any surprise that the food doesn’t look exactly like the pictures. I will say that the execution is better here than TOC, so I give them some credit from trying to bring some Chinese street-cred to Nobscot, which is totally lacking in any street-cred.

And when it comes to Chinese food, you gotta have street-cred…

More tomorrow, as we climb from the nadir to the apex of Chinese cuisine.

The Senior Palate Speaks Chinese!

2009-06-19T08:16:00.002-04:00

I’ve been doing a lot of “wokking” about lately, and continue to eat my way through the Asian delights of the MetroWest and surrounding area.

So far, as I noted the other day, I’ve eaten at Royal East (Cambridge-big surprise), Lavender and Lotus Blossom (Sudbury), Lotus Flower, Imperial China, Sichuan Gourmet, Eo Noodle and Taste of China (Framingham), The Wok (Wellesley), Taam China and Chef Chang’s (Brookline), Shanghai-Tokyo in Natick.

But, in the spirit of equal opportunity, I gave the Senior Palate, the King of All Asian Buffets, an opportunity to share his thoughts on the Asian buffets that seemingly pop-up everywhere. As someone who travels throughout New England, and who has consumed his fair share of Asian delights over the years, he feels qualified to share his thoughts. Frankly, anyone with a stomach is probably qualified.

Here are a few snippets from a recent email from the Senior Palate. Bear in mind that he doesn’t know the name of many of these places, and doesn’t really care. He knows how to find them (isn’t that what’s really important?):

From SP (my comments in italics):

“I rate these on the basis of quality and variety and taste and THE COST --if I am spending my money I want to get my money’s worth (coming from the man who once ate 19 lobsters at one meal…yes, he likes to get his money’s worth).

The best overall buffet is in S. Portland Maine -- on the Maine Mall road -- the Great Wall buffet.. I rate this the best because of quality and taste and variety of food --THE ABSOLUTE BEST IN NEW ENGLAND (nothing says fine Asian Buffet dining more than “Maine”. It’s known for that.)

Staying up north we have one in Manchester, NH-- going up 93 to 293 take the first exit (S. Willow St) at the end of the ramp take a right -- about 1/4 mile on the left is a shopping plaza and in there is a pretty good buffet – can’t think of the name

IN NASHUA -- go up Rte 3 to exit 7w and follow the road about 1/2 mile on the left-a buffet that is pretty good (he can sniff these out, like a bloodhoud on the trail).

Not far from the house there’s the Marlborough Super Buffet: pretty good and worth the money--Rte 20 in the Staples plaza (I’ll have an eggroll and some paper clips please…that was easy!)

Hudson Super Buffet is also good -- take a right after Tucks Truck on Rte 85 and a little ways down on the left across from the cemetary (perfect for post-burial shiva).

Lotus Flower in Framingham –the price to value ratio doesn’t work.

Buffet on Rte 16 in Milford on the right near the industrial park is ok

Buffet in Webster is just so-so --- off of 395, Exit 2 heading south take a right at the end of the ramp and at the lights take a right and an immediate left into the parking lot right next to the Gulf gas station (and I thought there was nothing in Webster).

In Connecticut, off of Rte 84 in Manchester ( exit 63 or 64 ) is one that is pretty good (skip Rein’s, and hit the buffet, where they serve Kung Pao Pastrami)...

Also in CT, Exit 16 off of Rte 91--Main St, Meriden... end of ramp take a right and a little ways up on the left is one that is so-so (did you expect anything more? How can Meriden compete with South Portland Maine).

Anyways, tune in to WBZ 1030 at midnight, Friday/Saturday June 19/20 when we talk Asian cusine.

You’ve been great…enjoy Toshiko Akioshi..

I'd like a side of lard, please...

2009-06-14T21:54:00.002-04:00

Enjoy this CBS News story about the "Heart Attack Grill"...

Ahhh Grasshopper…

2009-06-07T21:45:00.002-04:00

How appropriate that while I have embarked on my 3 week “Wok About 2009” Asian food quest, in preparation for my next appearance on “The Jordan Rich Show” on June 19, 2009 at midnight (WBZ 1030AM), we pause to take a moment of silence and honor the memory of David Carradine, “Caine” of “Kung Fu” (don’t laugh, it was nominated for 7 Emmys its first season, including “Best Actor”) and “Frankenstein” in the classic “Death Race 2000.”

Ah, Grasshopper has snatched the final pebble from his master’s hand, but apparently from all reports, it was not a pebble he was snatching. Sounds like he was a big Michael Hutchence fan…look up the cause of death on the Internet…. Clearly, a guy that made a soup from the placenta of his first child wasn’t dealing with a full deck (I hear it tastes like chicken). It’s too bad, because as most of you know, I try to emulate Caine, with the quiet, Zen-like reserved inner-strength (keeping my opinions to myself…minding my own business). My rice paper has torn…. Like Billy Jack, Caine was among the heroes of a youth mis-spent in front of a TV tuned to Channels 56 or 38. Rest is peace, Grasshopper.

For those of you following my wok-about...once again I am pushing myself to the limits for all of you. At times, I feel like Kobayashi cramming egg rolls after chicken fingers after dumplings after beef tendons, all in the name of science…so far, I’ve eaten at Royal East (Cambridge-big surprise), Lavender and Lotus Blossom (Sudbury), Lotus Flower, Imperial China and Sichuan Gourmet (Framingham), The Wok (Wellesley), Taam China (Brookline). Next week, among others, I’ll be eating at Chung Shin Yuan in Watertown. Details are coming soon…tune in to the radio show for the full rundown, and to hear about my cholesterol levels…

You've been great. Enjoy Carl Douglas...

The Balcony is Open

2009-06-01T22:31:00.001-04:00

Thanks to some of you “anonymous” posters here, and you not so anonymous posters on Facebook suggesting Chinese restaurants; I have begun to create my list, and while I gear up for “Wok About 2009” (thanks to Ed K. for the catchy name), I thought I’d share some thoughts about some recent movies.

As you know, the Hollywood and local movie press and I have a “love-hate” relationship. I love the movies and the whole experience, but hate when the movie critics anoint a movie to be the apex of a genre, when in actuality, it’s the nadir (“Children of Men” anyone?) Lately, I’ve decided while I’ll read certain reviews, I’ll see the movies and decide for myself whether the movie has any value. I’ve been to the movies quite a bit lately, and share with you these thoughts…

“Duplicity” starring Julia Roberts and Clive Owen. I’m not sure I can ever forgive Owen for “Children of Men” or even “Derailed”, but Julia Roberts is maturing nicely…in all the right ways. I like the sharp dialogue in this corporate espionage “thriller”, and she fills out the business suits nicely. Rounding out the cast was Tom Wilkinson and Paul Giamatti, who hasn’t been this funny since he played “Pig Vomit” in “Howard Stern’s Private Parts”.

“State of Play”-Russell Crowe as a “seen it all, wrote it all” investigative reporter for a Washington newspaper (the best role played by a newspaper since the “LA Tribune” in “Lou Grant”), following a story involving his former college roommate, now Senator Ben Affleck (how can they be roommates when they’re 20 years apart in age?). Actually, a pretty good thriller, which could have been made slightly better by some skin from Rachel McAdams, or even the older “Caligula Cougar” Helen Mirren. Also featured in a small, but compelling role, Jason Bateman, who is really turning into quite a force in Hollywood, even since his turn on Silver Spoons. If he’s on-screen, pay attention.

“Star Trek”-I am neither a Trekkie, nor a Trekker, but I enjoy a good space opera now and then. Having seen most of the “Star Trek” movies, this was definitely the best, or tied with the first one, which starred a young Stephen Collins and a very bald Persis Khambatta (I have a thing for baldness…). This movie was an enjoyable romp through some revisionist history, and certainly opens the door for future movies with new storyline, without being held hostage to pre-determined destiny. Eric gives it two “Live Long and Prospers”.

“Hannah Montana”-gotta love being one of only five men on opening day, which happened to be Good Friday, so only every tween and younger girl NEEDS to see the very first shows. Ugh…I went in there with a fully charged “Treo” battery, ready to play Yahtzee for 96 minutes. Well, surprise, surprise…it was actually quite good. Very high production values, catchy music, entertaining dance numbers (I did have different expectations for “Ho-Down Throw-Down, but this was rated PG)…but I say it’s “Hee Haw” approved. As far as kid-positive message movies go, I liked it and have no problem if Junior Miss Palette wants to buy the DVD. I’d rather that, than more “Phineas and Pherb” on Tivo!!!

You’ve been great…enjoy Buck Owens and Roy Clark.

One from Column A

2009-05-21T21:33:00.002-04:00

Good evening Palateers...On June 19, 2009 at midnight, Jordan Rich will once again be graciously hosting me on his food show. This go-round, we'll be talking Asian cuisine. More so than any other food, this resonates with me. I feel like I was raised at the base of the Great Wall of China. Whether "House of Roy" or "Chef Chang's", Chinese food and I go hand in hand like "white" and "rice."

Over the next month, I'll be sampling the gourmet delights of the local Asian establishments. There are plenty out here in the hinterlands, but I'll be traveling a little as well. That's where you come in.

I'm inviting all of you to contribute your ideas about places I should try. Obviously, it has to be geographically possible, but feel free to throw out the names and addresses of your favorite places, and maybe I'll get in to try it.

Feel free to email me at: criticalpalate@gmail.com

I look forward to hearing from you.

And ss Confucious says..."that wasn't chicken!"

CP

A teenager's Morton's...

2009-04-29T08:02:00.002-04:00

While I'm busy actually trying to make a living, I offer the following-a special guest blog post from my son, the Junior Palate, who recently went to the new Morton's here in Boston. Disclaimer-he went with Grandma Palate, not with me. What follows is his impression of the experience...without further ado, ladies and gentlemen...the Junior Palate.

Hello Critical Palate readers. This is the Junior Palate, Eric’s son. Also, as many of you probably know, I have a taste for fine food, favoring steak. As a fan of fine steak and meats, I have visited many steakhouses and fancy restaurants. I have gone to some of the finest eateries in Boston, including Flemings, Capital Grille, Smith & Wolensky’s, the One-Eleven Chophouse, Metro 9 and more. Among the steakhouses I have been to, Morton’s is by far my favorite.

Morton’s has two locations in Boston; one is located in a basement in a very luxurious office building. This Morton’s, although not in a very exciting location, was excellent. Great food, great service, great décor and ambiance, but it was nothing compared to the Morton’s I went to last Saturday, April 25, 2009, at their “seaport” location. Morton’s has recently opened up a new location right on the harbor, near the world famous “No Name” restaurant. Here, not only do you get the experience of being at a fine restaurant, you get the view of the harbor, surrounded by some of the nicest buildings, apartments, condos and offices in Boston. Well, I will tell you this, it was nothing shy of perfect. I think I have re-discovered the definition of the word “amazing”.

Tonight, everything was top-notch. The service was by far the best service I have ever had. Not only did our waiter offer the nicest and most efficient service I have ever experienced, he also lives in same town we do. He was a young man who loved his work. He was nice, social and speedy. Not only did we enjoy or waiter, we also liked the manager and the valet. The manager, Mike, came to our table and chatted with us; he was the kind of guy that would make you want to come back, even if the food wasn’t that great (but it was). Our valet, a young man, also enjoyed his work, and socialized with his customers. But overall, it is the food that really wants to make you come back for more.

Unlike most elegant restaurants, the portions at Morton’s were huge. I ordered the Cajun rib eye steak and it was perfect. Medium, a hot pink center with a nice “char” on the outside. But what all added to the experience was the ambiance. You had the option of sitting outside which was perfectly fine and still very fancy, but you had to sit inside to understand the true Morton’s experience. Not only was the interior fancy, but they also had sports decorations hanging up, autographs and pictures of Boston athletes who have been there. Overall, I have to say that this is probably my favorite restaurant ever. If you are ever at the harbor with a huge wad of cash, Morton’s “SeaPort” is the place to go.

Back, and badder than ever…

2009-04-12T16:40:00.002-04:00

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all you “fans of the Critical Palate” out there asking, practically begging, for an explanation of why I have gone into “radio silence.” I can sum it up with two words-Bar Mitzvah. Junior Palate has crossed the threshold into Jewish adulthood, and to be honest, I am spent, both literally and figuratively.

But, alas, kind readers, I know many of you want to hear me rant about dining experiences, movies or American Idol (Scott McIntyre is no Stevie Wonder…not even Tom Sullivan), so I’m back, badder than ever!

So, as a follow-up to my posts on December 15 and 30th, the manager of Outback in Westborough sent me $90.00 in “Outhouse Bucks” to encourage me to give them another chance. I don’t know what came over us, but we decided to give it a go back on February 28, 2009.

We had a call-ahead for 7:30p-7:45pm. Got there at 7:20pm. Told that it would just be "a few minutes."

Tick, tock...tick tock...tick tock...

At 8:00pm, I asked the host "wtf?" He said that they were just getting a large table their bill (there were 8 of us) and we were next for that table.

Tick tock...tick tock...tick tock...

8:15pm, manager comes over to us and apologizes...tells us that the table has paid, and that they're wrapping it up. We're the only large party still waiting, and we're getting that table. As a show of her regret, she says she'll have the onion thing and some wings on our table waiting for us when we sit. Considering “Men’s Health” magazine considers the Bloomin’ Onion the worst appetizer for your health, the manager isn’t doing this to apologize, she’s doing it to teach us a lesson!

Tick tock...tick tock...tick tock...

8:30pm, those people at my table have not even budged. I see them just getting the bill!!! WTF???!!! Didn't the manager tell me they paid? Liar! I ask to speak with her again.

She comes over, and tells me that she didn't know that they had asked to split the bill, so they had to re-run a bunch of checks for that table...yada yada yada...nothing she can do...yada yada yada...she's going to put us at 2 booths (kids in one, adults in another) that are right across from each. She says those two booths are clearing out now...

Tick tock...tick tock...tick tock...

8:45pm we are still standing there!!! I am having a stroke. I tell her that her entire system has failed and that I don't care whom to blame, but this is total bullshit. “Cartright…Cartright…”

8:50pm, we finally sit down, at a big table in back. She comes over to make sure we're ok, and I say "we're not ok, and you're not going to be ok, and corporate isn't going to be ok when I'm done. Let's go for a walk."

So we walk to the bar area, away from the kids, and I explain to her why we came. I told her that Rich Lanza (who is no longer there anymore) BEGGED us to come back after they nearly killed my wife with food allergens a few months ago. I told her "you should be embarrassed and ashamed of the way you guys operate. You beg us to come back, and your system totally breaks down...give me one, just one reason I should ever come back here. Give me one, just one reason I'm not going to a) call corporate on Monday, and b) post to my blog about why this place should be avoided at all costs". (By the way, I have never before played my "blog" card, but I felt I needed to beat her senseless.) How do you go from a 7:30pm call-ahead to being seated at 8:50pm???!!!

So she starts getting teary-eyed, and tells me that this is her first weekend as manager She had been a lead server and just been promoted from assistant manager to store general manager. She says that she is embarrassed and ashamed of the staff and the system, and that they'll obviously have to work it out. She tells me that she'll take $90 off my bill (the amount Rich had sent me) and that I should keep my certificates for another time and that she hopes I'll come back, though it won't be for a long time. She says "I hope you won't feel the need to contact corporate" and I say "no promises" and walk back to the table. She comes to the table, and says that she will monitor every aspect of our meal, and that everything will come out perfect.

The food ended up being ok, but I was ready to kill someone. Making her cry didn’t help matters, but considering she served us that onion…I’m lucky to be here writing this blog!

Gratuitous shout-out: Congratulations to charter subscriber A.B.S. who got married back in March.

You've been great. Now, enjoy John Sebastian.

Props

2009-02-09T23:38:00.002-05:00

Just want to say, that JH has gone out of their way on this issue, and I credit them for realizing that they aren't pulling it off and are willing to make changes to their menu.

That's the difference between a local place (even with a few locations) and some chain restaurant.

Customer Feedback Making a Difference...

2009-02-09T20:44:00.003-05:00

John Harvard's...they listen!

Received today, from the general manager:

"Eric,
I thought you would find this interesting. I was never particularly fond of the item that you had the unusual experience with here about a month and a half ago (the forgettable Au Poivre Burger). We have been running a "Black & Blue Burger" as a lunch special lately with the motivation of coming up with an item that could supplant the Au Poivre.

We dust the burger with blackening seasoning, top it with blue cheese crumbles and serve it on our well known foccacia bread with chipotle mayonnaise, and the standard lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle accompaniment.

Our Corporate Chef was here on Wednesday, we did a side-by side taste test and the Au poivre Burger is going away. This change will take place this Wednesday, February 11.

Thanks for making me want to get rid of it. A single experience can make a difference."

Witness, the power of the Palate!

Now, let's go give it a try.

White Noise

2009-02-08T22:14:00.000-05:00

I don’t have much to say, other than I’ve officially become old! Junior Palate was tripping all over himself to watch the Grammy Awards, and I’m sitting here wondering who these people are…I’m still waiting for Human League, Flock of Seagulls and Spandau Ballet to take the stage.

The “musical” performances tonight have ranged from painful white noise to not-so-painful (at least for me) bouncing cleavage (Katy Perry) and an old, but game Paul McCartney. A big highlight for me was Stevie Wonder, but even bigger for T-Wein…the Jonas Brothers!

I think it was in the summer of 1986 when I had the distinct pleasure of seeing Stevie Wonder live in concert, on the “In Square Circle” tour. Plugging his new album, we had to sit through “I Just Called to Say I Love You” and other assorted puff pieces, but seeing him perform “Superstition”, “Living for the City”, “Higher Ground” and “Sir Duke” live, and watching him on stage, you know you are the presence of a musical genius. I’ve seen a lot of concerts in my day: Huey Lewis and the News, Hall & Oates, the Doobie Brothers, Billy Joel, Elton John, Fleetwood Mac, Bette Midler, Barry Manilow…I could go on and on. But when you see Stevie (even if he can’t see you), you can’t help but be amazed. My kids are genuinely amazed by his talent and ability, and thankfully respect him as a musician almost as much as they respect Jack Black. It would hurt me tremendously if they didn’t put him in same league with Tenacious D.

You’ve been great…now I gotta go watch Ne-Yo.

One…singular sensation…

2009-01-31T23:36:00.001-05:00

Just a brief note complimenting a chain restaurant. It is soooooo rare that I would have anything good to say about chains, that I feel it’s only fair to them to say something good.

Tonight we took the kids to Uno’s, with two other families. When you think of unhealthy, pre-fab places, you’re there. But nonetheless, I grabbed my bottle of Lipitor, and we headed out. It was packed!!! I tell you, if the economy is suffering at all, it isn’t there, at least at 7:15pm on a Saturday night.

We had a very attentive waitress (Jackie) and everything came out correctly, except for my burger. It was cooked exactly the way I like it, and it was served hot, but I had asked for it without their house burger sauce, and of course, it was covered in it. Oh well…I sent it back, and she was very apologetic, and that was fine. I would wait and didn’t have any problem with that. It seemed like just some basic mistake and I didn’t mention another word other than saying “Jackie, I asked for this without sauce.”

Well, no sooner had Jackie gone into the kitchen than the manager ran right up to us. He was extraordinarily solicitous and apologetic, and I never uttered a word. He said “we’ve taken your burger off the bill. Can I get you a complimentary salad or soup while you wait?” I declined, and a few minutes later, the burger came out, and the manager stopped by again to apologize, and while he was taking away some dirty plates, told me he would send some fresh, hot fries over (Mom, don’t worry…I was eating roasted vegetables with the burger.) Mom, stop reading…okay, we ate some of the fries.

At the end of the meal, they brought over a giant chocolate chip cookie, served in a pizza pan, warm, with vanilla ice cream and a candle for Mrs. Palate’s birthday. After the requisite embarrassing Uno’s birthday song, once again, the manager apologized for my burger mistake, and comped us on the dessert too.

I share this story with all of you because I think that Uno’s really tries hard, and when something is wrong with your meal, you’re more likely to let it slide if the staff is attentive and apologetic. This manager was bending over backwards to make up for a relatively small mistake, and I appreciate his efforts. I also think that when the economy is in the tank, Uno’s, or any place for that matter, will not want to risk your business when there are so many other choices around. I give them credit for realizing that there are a lot of choices for the dining-out dollar, and I’ll remember this, which is exactly the result they want.

Thanks for reading…now enjoy Three Dog Night.

Yo Adrian...

2009-01-25T15:06:00.003-05:00

I have watched movies my entire life. I am a huge fan of the silver screen. Even to this day, I can recall where and under what circumstances I’ve seen certain movies. Some movies stay with you forever, and never get old, no matter how many times you see them.

For you addicts of the Critical Palate, for all of you going back and reading my early posts, you know how I feel about the current state of Hollywood. Most of the stuff coming out is crap, no matter what the critics tell us…I look at the list of Academy Award nominees and I wonder how some of this stuff is getting made, and how Meryl Streep keeps getting nominated…ugh! Also, call me a heretic, but GMFB about Heath Ledger already…as I’ve said several time-paint my face and ask me to act like a drooling freak, and I’ll give you a performance. Playing a messed-up psycho isn’t hard when there’s nothing to compare it to, other than that scene-chewer Jack Nicholson…

With that in mind, I had the pleasure of watching “Rocky” today. That story is as timeless as a fine, three-button Brooks Brothers suit. “Rocky” speaks to our core-a down and out nobody, overcoming all odds, just looking for a chance to be a winner, and if not a winner, at least a contender with some self-respect. I have watched this movie a million times, and no matter how many times, as soon as Bill Conti’s music starts building to its crescendo in the final rounds, I can’t help but get goose bumps. This is “the” underdog movie that defined the genre. There isn’t an underdog tale that Hollywood has produced since 1977 that hasn’t been compared to “Rocky”. From “The Karate Kid” to “Rudy” to “Hoosiers”…even their ad campaigns referred to “Rocky”.

In 1976, as a relative unknown, Stallone drove “Rocky” to 3 Academy Awards (Best Director, Best Film Editing and Best Picture) and received nominations in every other major category (Best Actor, 2 Best Supporting Actors [Burgess Meredith and the always under-respected Burt Young], Best Actress, Best Original Song and Best Writing-Original Work). Seeing “Rambo--VA Hospital” last year, I can’t help but shake my head at what a shell of his former self Sly Stallone has become. Between the Botox and HGH injections, if he smiles his cheeks might fall in. It’s sad to see what has happened to him physically, but going back to his seminal role as Rocky Balboa, a young Sly Stallone had an understated brilliance about him as he inhabited the role that defined a genre.

Sure after Rocky II, it might have been time to hang up the cup, but I’ll give him Rocky III as a fun way to go out. Once we get to Siberia in IV, I’m ready to hit the vodka, by V, I want Tommy Morrison to beat him silly, but in “Rocky Balboa”, it was a nice, quiet way for Rocky to fade away. Frankly, the most recent “Indiana Jones” was a stink-burger too, but we have to give actors like Stallone and Ford a pass when it comes to letting go of their defining roles…sometimes you just want to visit with old friends to say goodbye.

You’re been great…now The Hardest Working Man in Show Business…James Brown!

Quick Hits...

2008-12-30T22:50:00.001-05:00

I got a lot of feedback from you readers out there about my experience with the Outback. I am happy to report that the manager of the Westborough location was man enough to call me last week and discuss my experience, after one of you readers pointed him to the blog, and he read my email to “corporate.” He acknowledged how awful the experience must have been, and will be forwarding some additional “correspondence” on the matter. I will keep you posted.

I know what I am about to say will come as a complete shock to most of you…we’ve been eating out quite a bit lately!

We went to John Harvard’s last week with a large group of people. We generally like it there, and consider it a step above TGI Fridays (then again, what isn’t?) or Bugaboo Creek. John Harvard’s is a fine place to have a burger (so I thought), a sandwich or a salad. Oddly, I didn’t include it in my “Burger Quest 2008”, but a week later I noticed that the menu now claimed “the best burgers in Framingham”. I’ll be the judge of that. Not them…me!

The menu says…

“THESE ARE THE BEST BURGERS IN FRAMINGHAM! JUICY & DELICIOUS.  TRY ONE TODAY AND TASTE THE DIFFERENCE!”
I ordered the “AU POIVRE BURGER  1/2 lb burger with green peppercorns, Swiss cheese, mushrooms and lemon garlic aioli $10.99”

As they said in Project Bluebook, “Ezekiel saw a wheel…this is the wheel he said he saw.” Well, as Eric says, this is the burger I thought I ordered, and this is my assessment: my sister, a vegetarian, can make a better burger. When I read “au poivre”, I expected peppery pleasure. It seems that “green peppercorns” are the ugly stepchild of caper berries. This wasn’t peppery/spicy at all, but was salty, from cured capers, and slimy, from the “aioli”, which is just a fancy name for “mayonnaise.”

More to the point, my burger was cold when it hit the table, and even more interesting, in order to determine which burger belonged to whom, our waiter lifted the bun top off mine to inspect it…with his bare hands. Hey, I’m no fool, and having worked in restaurants, I know what goes on in back…but I don’t need to see him man-handling it tableside.

Well John Harvard, let me tell you…1. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, and 2. Tell your wait staff to keep their hands off my buns!!!

I have consumed a lot of ground beef to review for the consuming public, and taken a lot of flack for it from my Gastroenterologist…and my mother, and I can tell you I tried one today, and tasted the difference, which is that yours aren’t nearly as good as other places.

You’ve been great…enjoy Frank Zappa and “cruising for burgers”…

Outback…Outhouse

2008-12-15T23:10:00.001-05:00

The economy is in the tank…big box retailers closing, unemployment going up…only the strong will survive. Chain restaurants aren’t great, and in fact, some have become utterly awful (see blog posts from Holidays past on the Olive Garden.) Eric Schlosser (author of “Fast Food Nation”) operates on the thesis that chains survive because they breed consistency and familiarity. No matter what Burger King you eat at, the Whopper theoretically should taste the same. So too, the pizza at Pizza Hut or the Chalupa at Taco Hell (someone told me “chalupa” is slang for “Chihuahua intestine”). Table service restaurants are no different-that’s why many use commissary, partially prepared pre-cooked portioned foods-so the diced vegetables at the Olive Garden in Linden, NJ are the same size and taste of those in Pawtucket, RI (as if anyone would ever admit they went to either place).

But now, inconsistency reigns supreme…we had a really bad meal at the Outback Steakhouse, which followed my friend Hugh’s warning about their bad meal (we passed as they were leaving and we were coming), which followed another friend’s tale of woe from last week. It seems that the new slogan is Outback Steakhouse…No Rules, Just Wrong.

So we order, and any of you that have read this with any frequency or listened to me on the radio, know how much I can’t stand it when a restaurant makes a point of inviting you to tell them your food allergies and then proceeds to give you food laden with offending foods. What is wrong with these places? So I ask, “Outback, what is wrong with you?”

I’ll cut to it-Mrs. Palate ordered a salad off the menu--Fresh chicken breast salad on a bed of mixed greens with Monterey Jack and Cheddar, bacon, diced egg, tomatoes and toasted almonds. We told the waitress what she’s allergic to, and had her hold, the cheeses, bacon and almonds. The first salad came full-blown, right off the menu description, and even included the extra ingredient of blue cheese. Why, we can’t figure, but hey, if we tell you she’s allergic to cheese, just add more.

We sent it back, after giving the server a VERY detailed explanation of what she can’t have on the salad. The second time it came back, it was the same chicken salad, on new lettuce, no cheese, but with bacon and candied pecans. Did I mention that “candied pecans” are not on the menu!!! And they’re nuts!!! Sent this one back, and the third time, it came out on a plain bed of lettuce, but it was clear they used the same chicken salad, because when we took a closer look, it still had some bacon and cheese shreds on the bottom. It is absolutely crazy that they would just keep moving the chicken, containing all the allergens, from plate to plate. Were they hoping we wouldn’t notice? Were they hoping that when Mrs. Palate was in the ambulance having an allergic reaction, she wouldn’t realize it was something they served her? Can you really hide bacon???

The manager finally came over, and we now explained for the third time how she wanted the salad, and thankfully, the 4th time was the charm. While this is all going on, we had sent another meal back (a quesadilla) because it came with bacon in it, but we had been very specific about requesting “no bacon” in that too. And, when they brought my appetizer salad out, it was covered in bacon, which is not described on the menu (since there no description at all.) It was a pork parade! A soiree of swine!

The manager was pretty clinical in her handling of it, and when she brought the salad and new quesadilla out, the rest of us had finished eating and the manager offered us some desserts, which we declined. I just asked for the check so I could “chew and screw” out of there. I have to admit, I was a little surprised when the bill came and we were charged for the salad.

I told the waitress that I was a little perplexed why were being charged for my wife’s salad, since it took four attempts and a visit from the manager to ensure she could consume it without needing to wash it down with an epi-pen. Her response-“the manager offered you a free dessert, right?” I told her that it was puzzling, and I didn’t think I should be paying for that experience. To her credit, she brought me a new bill, and she had removed the salad and the quesadilla.

My buddy, who is not a complainer, told me as he was leaving that the service was utterly awful and that it was such a bad experience for them (replete with rude, forgetful wait staff and poorly prepared food) that he decided not to buy several gift cards for his staff (saving him a couple hundred dollars, but costing the Outhouse.) Our friends who had a bad meal there the week before were very dissatisfied with the quality of the meal, going so far as to say that their steak tasted and looked “steamed”.

In a world where the economy is crumbling, and restaurants should be tripping over themselves to get, and retain, your business, the Outback seems to be taking the position that you’ll come to them no matter what type of experience they serve up. It had been a long time since I had eaten at an Outback…I think it will be ever longer before I go back.

You’ve been great…enjoy the Little River Band.

Internet Radio

2008-12-08T21:41:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow night, Tuesday, December 9 at 9:00pm-ish, I'll be interviewed by Greg Rempe from BBQ Central, on his internet radio show. You can tune in and hear us live at about 9:10pm.

Click here: LA Talk Radio

Click on the "listen live" button up top.

If you can't tune in live, you can pick it up the same web site in archives during the week or subscribe to the BBQ Central podcast on ITunes.

We'll be talking kosher bbq, beef ribs and brisket!

The Palate